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Ugh not looking forward to this...

Old 12-03-2008, 06:53 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
OMG everything's real
 
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I would try AA. They will teach you how to deal with the feelings that are making you drink. Don't let the God thing put you off.

If anyone tried to force God on a roomful of alkies over here they would get told exactly where to put their 24 hour chip, lol!
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Old 12-03-2008, 07:20 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us.
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Old 12-03-2008, 06:19 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Thanks littlefish, yes I am/was the same as you in regards to that. I am trying to be more organised & look after myself.

This might sounds really pathetic, but it's amazing how much I am 'leaning' on this forum. So nice not to feel alone in wanting to drink (even though I am NOT going to do it).

Thanks for your support Mariposa

Ksplash, thanks. I know I need to focus on this area. I just don't know how. My stomach butterflies go, my hand starts to get sweaty, I feel like I can't walk (frozen). When I do something I say it in such a hesitant way that I think people loose interest in me.
The funny thing is I can talk with shop assistants etc..... strangers, because it's just one on one & I feel like because they are bored they would like talking to me. I don't feel that way around my partners group of friends.

Thanks Bumble. Well it's day 2. I have 1/4 a bottle of the yummiest sauv blanc in my fridge. I haven't touched it. I haven't told my partner what I am doing. I am hoping he will just see my actions. I am making sure I have soft drink in the house (sometimes this helps me a bit). I am really focusing on how sick I feel, and how my head hurts, and how I snap at my son the next day after I have had drinks the night before.
I am trying to think of my liver & my health.
Just trying to keep, keep thinking about ALL these other things and keep trying to kick hard my brain going "go on, you deserve it, one little sip while nobody can see".

Lost butterfly - I am way to scared for AA> I mean I look fine (I am NOT saying other alcoholics don't look fine), it's just other people act like I am ok. I present myself half decent, I am only 24. I have even had my friends tell me I am fine & don't have a problem. I am scared people would laugh at me and say you are not an achoholic, you just need to cut back on the drinks.
Even now I didn't have a drink yesterday my mind is telling me I don't have a problem (I am aware this is to justify having a drink now that I am "ok" supposedly so I am ignoring this feeling).
Meetings are just way way to scary for me to be honest. I want to try & do this alone (for now).

Sorry everyone if I sound all over the show. It's a bit of up/down. God, and it's only Day 2! LOL!

The REAL test will be a social function.
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Old 12-03-2008, 08:19 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hi Tryingto, and welcome! Your story is so familiar, and I don't think you are over the top at all. Day 2 is hard. Day 2 I dumped out six months worth of homebrew. Day 7 I gave many bottles of wine to a still-drinking friend. Then I cleaned my house like a crazy woman. The first bit of sobriety is a hard time. I too had friends who asked why I didn't just try to cut back or to learn to drink less. They didn't quite understand that when it comes to cocktails, I have no "off" button. Especially hard when you feel so shy because, like you said, it makes you feel outgoing, smart, witty and fun. I only wish I could watch video of myself being so witty and fun. Or perhaps not. Anyway, just wanted to welcome you to the site, and hope the next few days see you feeling better!
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Old 12-03-2008, 08:37 PM
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I got into that terrible circle where I drank to get rid of the anxiety etc. and it just came back 10x over. It took a few weeks to not feel that horrible anxiety and to get rid of the shakes.

Keep coming back. One minute, one hour, one day at a time.
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:52 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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good morning tryingto
I know I have terrible terrible self esteem.
what is your self-esteem level today????

that's a type of question I like to look at for me. I think I'm at about a 6 on a scale from 1 to 10

keep up the good work now ya hear!
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Old 12-04-2008, 06:39 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Wow Tryingto, you sound just like me. I can really relate to a lot of what you said, how alcohol just heightens everything, I can usually only go two days without drinking, I just can't seem to get through the 3rd day and I think it's more a physical thing than anything. Maybe we can try to do this together, I haven't yet gotten up the courage to go to a meeting, I know I need to, just terrified. I also have done crazy embarrassing things when wasted, seem to like picking fights with the people I love the most, getting obnoxious, you name it I've done it. Almost broke my nose a few weeks back after falling flat on my face. I'm trying again, any suggestions out there for how to get through that 3rd day?
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Old 12-04-2008, 04:00 PM
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I made it through day two. I am so pleased for me. I didn't think I could.

My partner offered me a red wine last night - I hadn't discussed with him I was on the sober train (in case I failed).
I really quickly (before brain could kick in!) said never offer that to me again. He knew straight away.
Later on we discussed it.


Ksplash my self esteem is about a 3-4 .... that may sound low but it means I am riddled with anxiety and nerves but I have a lot of hope inside & I am trying to get rid of it all so I can just be me.

Jch116 - I know, binge drinking is hard. Because you can get through a day or two your mind says....ah your fine, see you didn't drink yesterday. I am on day 3. Will be hard, is the weekend. But we have no events planned (thats good!).

Jch116- definetly we can do this together, what day are you on? I don't know if I need a meeting or not one minute I think I want support with people who KNOW whats it's like. But then the next I think block everyone out do it alone.
Yes I have picked fights, get jealous, have a go at other girls. Scarred my ankle, uuugggghhhh yuk! And I have done worse than that but won't go into it (at least not till I am well well sober!)

I have to dash now (appointment) will be back on later

Day 3 and I am still determined to keep going.
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:00 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
new and scared. :(
 
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He offered you a drink last night??? gggrrrrr.....

well maybe I should be grateful I am single, my dogs will always be supportive and on my side.
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Old 12-04-2008, 06:37 PM
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Sicilia, no he didn't know I was trying to go sober.
I have had a go at him before for not letting me be "normal" and have wine with dinner every night.
So really he couldn't win.

My partner is not a big drinker at all (except for the very odd night with 'the boys').

He won't bring up alcohol at all now I have let him know I am trying to go sober. Correction, am going sober.
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Old 12-08-2008, 03:25 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Tryingto, you have mentioned that you are young. At an AA meeting a while back we discussed some AA liturature, I think it was the little newsletter that is published. (the grapevine?)

Anyway, in that material we read about young people entering AA. The first edition of the Big Book described the average alcoholic as a very hard core drinker. The idea was that the typical drinker was older, had a tough history and had hit bottom in an extreme way.

Then it was realized that all alcoholics do not always fit this profile.

You don't have to be older or a hardcore drinker who has gone to the limits with your drinking to join AA. AA realized that there are alcoholics on all points in the spectrum and at all stages in their lives and at different stages in their drinking. AA later added special groups just for young people. (You might search your nearest AA website for young people's meetings, BTW).

When we discussed this there were three kids there in their early twenties and it was their first meeting. They were made to feel completely welcome. Nobody questioned the validity of their reasons for being at AA.
I personally am always glad to see younger people at the meetings because I think they have made choices I wish I had made sooner. I think they are smart and taking control of their lives, (so much earlier than I did), and I admire them!

so, I hope you don't think we oldsters are going to wave away your problems as less serious than ours. I for one certainly don't, and I haven't been to a single meeting where I've seen that happen.
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