New guy here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: PNW
Posts: 87
New guy here...
Hello everyone. I found this place the other day and finally got around to registering. Looks like you have a great resource here. I guess I should do a little introduction.
I think today is 9 days sober for me. I am in my mid 30s and have had a drinking problem for about 15 years. In a nutshell my problem is that when I drink I can't stop. I often keep drinking until I blackout and then wake up in the morning wondering what happened the night before. I have done so many incredibly stupid things while "blacked out". There have been countless times that I have told myself I would quit drinking if I had one more blackout but until now I always convinced myself that I could moderate and keep things under control if I tried again.
I would usually only drink on weekends and didn't really have trouble going without during the week. But I would drink heavily almost every weekend. I didn't typically drink alone, I tended to drink with friends but I always liked to be the life of the party and was never able to slow down once I got a little drunk. Just about all of my friends drink and I am often in situations where people are drinking. It is going to be very difficult being in situations where my friends are drinking and I can't. I would love to hear some advice from those of you who have been through these struggles before.
For me drinking with my friends was something that I really enjoyed and it is very hard for me to come to grips with the reality that I can't do it anymore.
Some of my friends don't know yet that I have quit, I don't really know how to explain it to them but I have to figure that out soon.
I am married and have a daughter, both of whom were/are very worried and upset about my drinking. My marriage is a bit rocky and my drinking of course led to many arguments. I am optimistic that being sober will be a big help in improving that relationship.
I think I am very lucky to be making this choice now without having really hit "rock bottom". But I realize that if I don't stop now it is only a matter of time before I get there.
I think today is 9 days sober for me. I am in my mid 30s and have had a drinking problem for about 15 years. In a nutshell my problem is that when I drink I can't stop. I often keep drinking until I blackout and then wake up in the morning wondering what happened the night before. I have done so many incredibly stupid things while "blacked out". There have been countless times that I have told myself I would quit drinking if I had one more blackout but until now I always convinced myself that I could moderate and keep things under control if I tried again.
I would usually only drink on weekends and didn't really have trouble going without during the week. But I would drink heavily almost every weekend. I didn't typically drink alone, I tended to drink with friends but I always liked to be the life of the party and was never able to slow down once I got a little drunk. Just about all of my friends drink and I am often in situations where people are drinking. It is going to be very difficult being in situations where my friends are drinking and I can't. I would love to hear some advice from those of you who have been through these struggles before.
For me drinking with my friends was something that I really enjoyed and it is very hard for me to come to grips with the reality that I can't do it anymore.
Some of my friends don't know yet that I have quit, I don't really know how to explain it to them but I have to figure that out soon.
I am married and have a daughter, both of whom were/are very worried and upset about my drinking. My marriage is a bit rocky and my drinking of course led to many arguments. I am optimistic that being sober will be a big help in improving that relationship.
I think I am very lucky to be making this choice now without having really hit "rock bottom". But I realize that if I don't stop now it is only a matter of time before I get there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Jakey)))
Welcome to SR!
You've come to a great place, with some wonderful and supportive people. My addiction was crack, but there will be many others along who have dealt with alcohol.
Have you considered AA meetings? It is not the only program of recovery, but it has helped a lot of people. You may want to read some other posts, and check out the alcoholism forum. There's a lot of information there, and you will realize you are not alone...there are a lot of people here who are going through what you are going through, or have been through it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome to SR!
You've come to a great place, with some wonderful and supportive people. My addiction was crack, but there will be many others along who have dealt with alcohol.
Have you considered AA meetings? It is not the only program of recovery, but it has helped a lot of people. You may want to read some other posts, and check out the alcoholism forum. There's a lot of information there, and you will realize you are not alone...there are a lot of people here who are going through what you are going through, or have been through it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hey New Guy -- Jakey?
Thanks for your post! I am a black-out drunk too, do the stupid and insane things in black-outs and don't remember anything the morning after! After countless vain attempts at quitting cuz the black-outs were getting really scarry, I still didn't, and surely wasn't ready to. My bottom was totally shutting myself off from the world, friends, most of my family and drinking 24/7 until I passed out... if I were lucky. It's taken years to get to this point of almost complete alienation from the world and drinking around the clock just to not be sick (ironic, huh?!).
My friends understand and realize the severity of my situation with alcohol. People do and will understand... if they are really your friends. You do not have to tell them "your truth" about what it's doing to you at length if you choose not to. Have you checked out AA by any chance? There's ton of support there for you as well, and a way to make some new sober friends! Keep posting here and hang in there!!! You're doing a great job at starting off with this! I have 11 days after many failed attempts, so I'm right there with ya, friend!
For me I found that I couldn't "cut down" or "moderate" anymore and that I had crossed that "invisible line" where there's just no way to do this sobriety thing except for all or nothing. Your bottom can be right where it was at 9 days ago if you choose! Start off your new life one day at a time! Good luck and best wishes!
Hugs,
Nicki :ghug3
Thanks for your post! I am a black-out drunk too, do the stupid and insane things in black-outs and don't remember anything the morning after! After countless vain attempts at quitting cuz the black-outs were getting really scarry, I still didn't, and surely wasn't ready to. My bottom was totally shutting myself off from the world, friends, most of my family and drinking 24/7 until I passed out... if I were lucky. It's taken years to get to this point of almost complete alienation from the world and drinking around the clock just to not be sick (ironic, huh?!).
My friends understand and realize the severity of my situation with alcohol. People do and will understand... if they are really your friends. You do not have to tell them "your truth" about what it's doing to you at length if you choose not to. Have you checked out AA by any chance? There's ton of support there for you as well, and a way to make some new sober friends! Keep posting here and hang in there!!! You're doing a great job at starting off with this! I have 11 days after many failed attempts, so I'm right there with ya, friend!
For me I found that I couldn't "cut down" or "moderate" anymore and that I had crossed that "invisible line" where there's just no way to do this sobriety thing except for all or nothing. Your bottom can be right where it was at 9 days ago if you choose! Start off your new life one day at a time! Good luck and best wishes!
Hugs,
Nicki :ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Wise decision...Good for you!
Your bottom could be now....a rocky marriage
a young child to consider...blackouts ...can't stop at one.
...Sounds as tho you are at a bottom.
The end stage of alcoholism is perhaps
what you think of as a bottom.
Very few of us needed to go there to stop.
Welcome to our recovery community
Your bottom could be now....a rocky marriage
a young child to consider...blackouts ...can't stop at one.
...Sounds as tho you are at a bottom.The end stage of alcoholism is perhaps
what you think of as a bottom.
Very few of us needed to go there to stop.
Welcome to our recovery community
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Here are facts about the disease of alcoholism...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please read the information...and consider
where you are with your drinking.
Keep posting...and we do understand
Blessings to you and your family....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please read the information...and consider
where you are with your drinking.
Keep posting...and we do understand
Blessings to you and your family....
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family Jakey!
You will find lots of support and information here. Sounds like you are taking some positive steps to make your life better for yourself and your family.
Try not to worry too much about the future of your friendships. Focus on staying sober and your health right now. Friendships will work themselves out when the time is right.
The link that Carol D posted above is one reason I am still sober today. It helped me understand why I could not stop drinking once I started and why I craved alcohol.
Read and post as much as you need.:ghug
You will find lots of support and information here. Sounds like you are taking some positive steps to make your life better for yourself and your family.
Try not to worry too much about the future of your friendships. Focus on staying sober and your health right now. Friendships will work themselves out when the time is right.
The link that Carol D posted above is one reason I am still sober today. It helped me understand why I could not stop drinking once I started and why I craved alcohol.
Read and post as much as you need.:ghug
new and scared. :(
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: chicago, il
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by Jakey 
Hello everyone. I found this place the other day and finally got around to registering. Looks like you have a great resource here. I guess I should do a little introduction.
I think today is 9 days sober for me. I am in my mid 30s and have had a drinking problem for about 15 years. In a nutshell my problem is that when I drink I can't stop. I often keep drinking until I blackout and then wake up in the morning wondering what happened the night before. I have done so many incredibly stupid things while "blacked out". There have been countless times that I have told myself I would quit drinking if I had one more blackout but until now I always convinced myself that I could moderate and keep things under control if I tried again.
I would usually only drink on weekends and didn't really have trouble going without during the week. But I would drink heavily almost every weekend. I didn't typically drink alone, I tended to drink with friends but I always liked to be the life of the party and was never able to slow down once I got a little drunk. Just about all of my friends drink and I am often in situations where people are drinking. It is going to be very difficult being in situations where my friends are drinking and I can't. I would love to hear some advice from those of you who have been through these struggles before.
For me drinking with my friends was something that I really enjoyed and it is very hard for me to come to grips with the reality that I can't do it anymore.
Some of my friends don't know yet that I have quit, I don't really know how to explain it to them but I have to figure that out soon.
I am married and have a daughter, both of whom were/are very worried and upset about my drinking. My marriage is a bit rocky and my drinking of course led to many arguments. I am optimistic that being sober will be a big help in improving that relationship.
I think I am very lucky to be making this choice now without having really hit "rock bottom". But I realize that if I don't stop now it is only a matter of time before I get there.
I think today is 9 days sober for me. I am in my mid 30s and have had a drinking problem for about 15 years. In a nutshell my problem is that when I drink I can't stop. I often keep drinking until I blackout and then wake up in the morning wondering what happened the night before. I have done so many incredibly stupid things while "blacked out". There have been countless times that I have told myself I would quit drinking if I had one more blackout but until now I always convinced myself that I could moderate and keep things under control if I tried again.
I would usually only drink on weekends and didn't really have trouble going without during the week. But I would drink heavily almost every weekend. I didn't typically drink alone, I tended to drink with friends but I always liked to be the life of the party and was never able to slow down once I got a little drunk. Just about all of my friends drink and I am often in situations where people are drinking. It is going to be very difficult being in situations where my friends are drinking and I can't. I would love to hear some advice from those of you who have been through these struggles before.
For me drinking with my friends was something that I really enjoyed and it is very hard for me to come to grips with the reality that I can't do it anymore.
Some of my friends don't know yet that I have quit, I don't really know how to explain it to them but I have to figure that out soon.
I am married and have a daughter, both of whom were/are very worried and upset about my drinking. My marriage is a bit rocky and my drinking of course led to many arguments. I am optimistic that being sober will be a big help in improving that relationship.
I think I am very lucky to be making this choice now without having really hit "rock bottom". But I realize that if I don't stop now it is only a matter of time before I get there.
I've only been on here since yesterday and I already feel much love and support. Believe me, I totally know what you are going thru. I am 29 and party all the time. I am single and my girlfriends and I would usually go out to clubs every weekend. I have no clue how I am going to NOT drink and still maintain friendships and a social life.
and what about new years?? i havent' heard many people talk about that....every year my friends and i have a great time, should i just stay home?? or do i attempt to go and not drink? don't think that will be possible.
and my 30 bday is in march and we all had planned on going to vegas!! wtf am i gonna do? geez.....
but you are already off to a good start if you are on 9 days... i think we all know deep down that we HAVE to stop, not sometimes, not in moderation, it has to be all or nothing.
if you are married with a daughter you have so much to look forward to!! i am hearing from people around here that life is really really good without be hungover all the time. :bounce
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: PNW
Posts: 87
Thanks everyone for the welcome and support!
Some of you have mentioned AA, I have been to some meetings in the past but I didn't really get the feeling it would help me a whole lot. I know it works for a lot of people though and I have thought about trying to find a meeting that fits me better. The few that I have been to in the past really focused a lot on God and I am just not a very religious person so that kind of turned me off I guess.
Some of you have mentioned AA, I have been to some meetings in the past but I didn't really get the feeling it would help me a whole lot. I know it works for a lot of people though and I have thought about trying to find a meeting that fits me better. The few that I have been to in the past really focused a lot on God and I am just not a very religious person so that kind of turned me off I guess.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR Jake and I would say definitely focus on finding a recovery plan that works for you. I am 42 years old, stay at home Mom (trying to get outside job), and happily married. I quit drinking and haven't had a DUI or lost my house or any of the sterotypes people usually associate with having hit the "bottom." Everyone's bottom varies.
When I was in my 20s I attended AA for a few months. I even got a sponsor. I would hear the others stand up and tell their hard luck stories and feel "I must not be alcoholic because I am not even close to that." My addiction was speaking loudly in saying that I was not one of them. I eventually listened and started drinking again. As I said I am 42 years old and have finally quit for good. Drinking is no longer an option. The disease, as they say, is cunning. I like the saying about "take what you need and leave the rest." Had I done that I might have had more then one son. I have one and I am grateful for him, but my addiction stole more years of my life then I want to count.
Give it up. True friends will think "Thank God! I thought he was seriously going to kill himself if he didn't stop." You will find new ways of enjoying life. You will need to find new activities and new ways to REALLY enjoy life. I mean life is much grander and awesome when you put down the booze and open your eyes. You'll see.
(Side note to Sicilia - There will always be excuses to drink, but it WILL take you down if you continue to give into those excuses. I would suggest you lay low on the activities that you KNOW are going to scream at you to drink or at the very least, plan an escape route if it gets too tough.)
Glad you are both here and I hope SR is a new beginning for you. It has definitely changed my life - for the better!
When I was in my 20s I attended AA for a few months. I even got a sponsor. I would hear the others stand up and tell their hard luck stories and feel "I must not be alcoholic because I am not even close to that." My addiction was speaking loudly in saying that I was not one of them. I eventually listened and started drinking again. As I said I am 42 years old and have finally quit for good. Drinking is no longer an option. The disease, as they say, is cunning. I like the saying about "take what you need and leave the rest." Had I done that I might have had more then one son. I have one and I am grateful for him, but my addiction stole more years of my life then I want to count.
Give it up. True friends will think "Thank God! I thought he was seriously going to kill himself if he didn't stop." You will find new ways of enjoying life. You will need to find new activities and new ways to REALLY enjoy life. I mean life is much grander and awesome when you put down the booze and open your eyes. You'll see.
(Side note to Sicilia - There will always be excuses to drink, but it WILL take you down if you continue to give into those excuses. I would suggest you lay low on the activities that you KNOW are going to scream at you to drink or at the very least, plan an escape route if it gets too tough.)
Glad you are both here and I hope SR is a new beginning for you. It has definitely changed my life - for the better!
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Jakey, welcome, and Good For You for deciding to do this now. Your daughter doesn't need a drunk for a dad. She needs a positive role model. You have an awesome opportunity to do that, Right Now.
I don't do AA either, but I think I'm married to SR, right now. It works. Stick around.
I don't do AA either, but I think I'm married to SR, right now. It works. Stick around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 7
Hi,
This is what my wife (who has found me hiding alcohol from her so many times that she almost gave up on me), told me..I am also like you..i.e I drink to get drunk, not to enjoy a party or socialize around. She has been asking me not to take the drastic step of entirely quitting but focus on "drinking to enjoy" rather than "drinking to get drunk". I am gonna put that to the test first time today, because a few friends are coming over to our house and drinks are on the menu. I think this is a sensible approach...coz u won't feel left out, but at the back of your mind, you know that if you blow it...not only would u lose trust in yourself but at least I would have lost my wife's trust for the last time too. But if I understand your situation, the key is to eat a lot and only drink say "2 drinks"...you decide before you go the party your ration of drinks and pace it out...Let me know what you think.
What this also means is keeping ZERO alcohol in the house, and not drinking at home on fridays just because I am watching TV or a movie. If it is a social occassion and everyone else is drinking, 1 drink or max 2 wont hurt.
This is what my wife (who has found me hiding alcohol from her so many times that she almost gave up on me), told me..I am also like you..i.e I drink to get drunk, not to enjoy a party or socialize around. She has been asking me not to take the drastic step of entirely quitting but focus on "drinking to enjoy" rather than "drinking to get drunk". I am gonna put that to the test first time today, because a few friends are coming over to our house and drinks are on the menu. I think this is a sensible approach...coz u won't feel left out, but at the back of your mind, you know that if you blow it...not only would u lose trust in yourself but at least I would have lost my wife's trust for the last time too. But if I understand your situation, the key is to eat a lot and only drink say "2 drinks"...you decide before you go the party your ration of drinks and pace it out...Let me know what you think.
What this also means is keeping ZERO alcohol in the house, and not drinking at home on fridays just because I am watching TV or a movie. If it is a social occassion and everyone else is drinking, 1 drink or max 2 wont hurt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: PNW
Posts: 87
Good luck with that Need2quitnow. I tried that approach many times and it never worked for me but hopefully you can make it work. Be careful and even if things go ok the first few times don't expect it to always go smoothly.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Hi Jakey!
I can relate to that post.
Your true friends will understand. And if you have any friend that would object to your decision to stay sober, you may want to consider carefully examining their motives in the friendship. Real friends will support your decision and stand behind you.
There is so much stuff to enjoy out there in this world that does not revolve around alcohol. You will begin to see it. When you were drinking, you were blinded by alcohol and couldn't see all the other enjoyable things of life. Now that you are facing life with clear eyes, and a clear mind, a whole new world of doors will become available you. There are plenty more ways to be social that doesn't involve alcohol. It will probably be uncomfortable for awhile as you adjust to this new life, but it only means that you are moving to a new and better place in your life.
I can relate to that post.
Your true friends will understand. And if you have any friend that would object to your decision to stay sober, you may want to consider carefully examining their motives in the friendship. Real friends will support your decision and stand behind you.
There is so much stuff to enjoy out there in this world that does not revolve around alcohol. You will begin to see it. When you were drinking, you were blinded by alcohol and couldn't see all the other enjoyable things of life. Now that you are facing life with clear eyes, and a clear mind, a whole new world of doors will become available you. There are plenty more ways to be social that doesn't involve alcohol. It will probably be uncomfortable for awhile as you adjust to this new life, but it only means that you are moving to a new and better place in your life.
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