New/Nervous/Sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 25
New/Nervous/Sad
Hi,
I am new. I have been drinking since I was 16. Originally it was more binge drinking. Now I drink 1-2 bottles of white wine a night. I feel like crap. I have known for awhile that I have a problem, but was not able to face it. My father quit drinking when I was 7 and hasn't had anything since. I am 42. My mother's an alcholic too, but she cannot/will not stop. I have to stop. I have everything to live for and I almost ended it all with a half-hearted attempt on my life Sunday. DH and I argued (in front of our two older girls - aged 13 and 11). I stormed out for a drive and he locked me out of the house. I decided that I'd "show" him and pulled into the garage to run the car. I didn't really want to die. I was just so sad/mad/confused. What if I'd fallen asleep? He was passed out. No one would have known and my children would have been left with no mother and no answers. It is the alcohol speaking. Not my true self. So...although I've cut back before and never touched alcohol when pregnant, now it's time to stop for good. I am very afraid. I am horrified by my actions the other night. I could have lost everything and worse I could have REALLY harmed my children. Apart from the ongoing "harm" of having a mother that's half in the bag every night and grouchy and hungover in the morning. This is not the life I want. I want to be sober.
Any and all support is appreciated. No wine last night, but Day 1, so no big deal. I want to succeed. I want to stop letting alcohol run my life. For goodness sake, I barely know how to fall asleep anymore...
Thanks for letting me say this aloud. This is the first time I've been honest about this being a major issue.
I am new. I have been drinking since I was 16. Originally it was more binge drinking. Now I drink 1-2 bottles of white wine a night. I feel like crap. I have known for awhile that I have a problem, but was not able to face it. My father quit drinking when I was 7 and hasn't had anything since. I am 42. My mother's an alcholic too, but she cannot/will not stop. I have to stop. I have everything to live for and I almost ended it all with a half-hearted attempt on my life Sunday. DH and I argued (in front of our two older girls - aged 13 and 11). I stormed out for a drive and he locked me out of the house. I decided that I'd "show" him and pulled into the garage to run the car. I didn't really want to die. I was just so sad/mad/confused. What if I'd fallen asleep? He was passed out. No one would have known and my children would have been left with no mother and no answers. It is the alcohol speaking. Not my true self. So...although I've cut back before and never touched alcohol when pregnant, now it's time to stop for good. I am very afraid. I am horrified by my actions the other night. I could have lost everything and worse I could have REALLY harmed my children. Apart from the ongoing "harm" of having a mother that's half in the bag every night and grouchy and hungover in the morning. This is not the life I want. I want to be sober.
Any and all support is appreciated. No wine last night, but Day 1, so no big deal. I want to succeed. I want to stop letting alcohol run my life. For goodness sake, I barely know how to fall asleep anymore...
Thanks for letting me say this aloud. This is the first time I've been honest about this being a major issue.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
Hi and welcome to SR. You may need to talk to your doctor because alcohol withdrawal can be deadly. Have you thought of going to AA? I go and it is working for me. I have been sober 22 months and I am now enjoying my life. You can too.
I'm glad your here and look forward to getting to know you better. Please keep posting.
I'm glad your here and look forward to getting to know you better. Please keep posting.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi,
Welcome!
I'm glad you've made the decision to stop drinking. Have you talked to your dr, because detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous?
You will find lots of support here.
Welcome!
I'm glad you've made the decision to stop drinking. Have you talked to your dr, because detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous?
You will find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Thank you for sharing that Beachbum and welcome to SR. Keep this post handy and re-read it for whenever the cravings hit. Start planning now how you will change your routine so the addiction will only whisper, but the recovery will do the shouting. You can do it. I am 42 years old with a 6 year old son. His comment to me one day was, "Mommy you're scary when you drink." Done! That day was it. I never physically hurt him, but I was argumentative and demeaning. The emotional pain is bad enough.
Any ways, if I can do it so can you. Just make a plan starting today. Post and read on SR when you need to, take a walk, take a bath, clean the house, but whatever old routine you had change it today. We're with you!! :ghug3
Definitely take the above advice about the Doctor.
Any ways, if I can do it so can you. Just make a plan starting today. Post and read on SR when you need to, take a walk, take a bath, clean the house, but whatever old routine you had change it today. We're with you!! :ghug3
Definitely take the above advice about the Doctor.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Edina, MN
Posts: 37
Hi Beachbum,
After reading your post I had to join Soberrecovery so I could respond. You basically told my story. I have been struggling with sobriety for about six months and as they say, 'I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired'.
I look at my drinking as a slow suicide and am so scared of leaving my children motherless. They deserve better than I am able to give them when I'm drinking. I deserve better than what I get when I drink. Shame and guilt are heavy partners that I carry with me when I choose to drink. Today, I'll make a different choice.
Day one of sobriety will be spent being sick and tired.
SB
After reading your post I had to join Soberrecovery so I could respond. You basically told my story. I have been struggling with sobriety for about six months and as they say, 'I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired'.
I look at my drinking as a slow suicide and am so scared of leaving my children motherless. They deserve better than I am able to give them when I'm drinking. I deserve better than what I get when I drink. Shame and guilt are heavy partners that I carry with me when I choose to drink. Today, I'll make a different choice.
Day one of sobriety will be spent being sick and tired.
SB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 25
Thank you!
Thank you to all who responded. I am going to need your support over the next few weeks/months/years. This is the beginnning. I will re-read this post over and over again should I feel tempted.
Honestly...thank you so very much.
Honestly...thank you so very much.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR beachbum and snowbunnie!
One thing you will learn quickly here is "You are not alone!", alcoholism is a disease that for me started off socially and then took me to a loneliness I never dreamed existed! The last 5 years of my drinking I spent alone, either drinking and driving or sitting in my garage alone drinking because my family wanted nothing to do with me!
Please see a doctor, detoxing can and does kill alcoholics every day.
I spent years lying to myself and others about my drinking, honesty was the key to my getting sober! First I had to be honest with myself that I was an alcoholic, then I had to be honest with a doctor and tell him how much I drank, how long I had drank, and what drinking did to me. I needed to be medically detoxed.
Not every alcoholic has to be medically detoxed inpatient like I did, many of us can do our detox at home under a doctors care with meds to control our blood pressure, anxiety, and possible seizures. The only way to find out is to see your doctor and be honest with your doctor. Keep in mind you are not alone, you will not be the first, nor the last patient your doctor has seen with alcoholism.
Medical detox get me sober safely, but in reality I found that was the easy part, the hardest part was STAYING SOBER!!!!! I use the program of AA and am happy joyous and free thanks to it. AA is not the only recovery program on the block though so check them all out if you want.
If you think AA may be a possibility why not give your local AA hotline a call. Many places have ladies only meetings during the day and in the evenings as well, that way you don't wind up around a bunch of old men like me!!! LOL If you call the hotline and a guy answers ask for a lady to speak with, I can assure you that they will be more then happy to ablige you. Oh yea one more thing about that hotline, who ever answers it is a recovering alcoholic so they will understand what you are going through.
One thing you will learn quickly here is "You are not alone!", alcoholism is a disease that for me started off socially and then took me to a loneliness I never dreamed existed! The last 5 years of my drinking I spent alone, either drinking and driving or sitting in my garage alone drinking because my family wanted nothing to do with me!
Please see a doctor, detoxing can and does kill alcoholics every day.
I spent years lying to myself and others about my drinking, honesty was the key to my getting sober! First I had to be honest with myself that I was an alcoholic, then I had to be honest with a doctor and tell him how much I drank, how long I had drank, and what drinking did to me. I needed to be medically detoxed.
Not every alcoholic has to be medically detoxed inpatient like I did, many of us can do our detox at home under a doctors care with meds to control our blood pressure, anxiety, and possible seizures. The only way to find out is to see your doctor and be honest with your doctor. Keep in mind you are not alone, you will not be the first, nor the last patient your doctor has seen with alcoholism.
Medical detox get me sober safely, but in reality I found that was the easy part, the hardest part was STAYING SOBER!!!!! I use the program of AA and am happy joyous and free thanks to it. AA is not the only recovery program on the block though so check them all out if you want.
If you think AA may be a possibility why not give your local AA hotline a call. Many places have ladies only meetings during the day and in the evenings as well, that way you don't wind up around a bunch of old men like me!!! LOL If you call the hotline and a guy answers ask for a lady to speak with, I can assure you that they will be more then happy to ablige you. Oh yea one more thing about that hotline, who ever answers it is a recovering alcoholic so they will understand what you are going through.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Welcome to SR Beachbum and Snowbunnie, glad you've both decided to join us at this time of year (The "Triple Crown" of alcoholism. Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years)
Beachbum, you practically told my story. I started drinking at 14 and quit at 41. I was high-functioning, always held down a good job and managed to start a family. Guess I was the alcoholic version of the American Dream. But as with most stories I've heard in recovery, it eventually came to a screeching halt. As my alcoholism progressed I lost the marriage, home, kids, etc.
BTW, I did some quality drinking in Cape Cod. Lived in MA for a few years in the early 90's with my first wife (hostage).
A few people have already mentioned AA, I hope you'll consider trying a few meetings. At the very least, please continue to reach out for support and try to follow suggestions, recovery is very difficult to do alone.
It's not too late to have a beautiful life in recovery, but all bets are off if you continue to pick up the bottle. I'm happy to say that I have a life that's better than I ever dreamed, a relationship with my children that I didn't think was possible, and a new family that supports me in my recovery.
Beachbum, you practically told my story. I started drinking at 14 and quit at 41. I was high-functioning, always held down a good job and managed to start a family. Guess I was the alcoholic version of the American Dream. But as with most stories I've heard in recovery, it eventually came to a screeching halt. As my alcoholism progressed I lost the marriage, home, kids, etc.
BTW, I did some quality drinking in Cape Cod. Lived in MA for a few years in the early 90's with my first wife (hostage).
A few people have already mentioned AA, I hope you'll consider trying a few meetings. At the very least, please continue to reach out for support and try to follow suggestions, recovery is very difficult to do alone.
It's not too late to have a beautiful life in recovery, but all bets are off if you continue to pick up the bottle. I'm happy to say that I have a life that's better than I ever dreamed, a relationship with my children that I didn't think was possible, and a new family that supports me in my recovery.
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Congrats beachbum for taking the first step!!! I think that is always the hardest. There is always something coming up that warrants a drink. So just start right now.
Is ur DH supportive? U mentioned he was passed out..is he a big drinker too?
I have gotten that drunk before..drunk, angry as hell, thinking Id show him...all these thoughts would go through my mind of what could I do to show him a thing or two...obviously I never followed thru..like u, my sober self does not want to do that. I want to live. Wake up feeling good and loving my life. Happy to be alive.
Im on day 6 and today I have a headache from hell..ugh...but it isnt one from a hangover...so Im good!
Someone else mentioned in another thread...sorry not good with remembering names right now..about reading the 2nd sticky under alcoholism...very interesting about what goes on with ur body when u drink. Alcohol is poison. When my husbands granny would say why in the hell r u putting that poison in ur bodies, u dumb asses(this would be while we drop our son off to her so we coud go to the bar)..she wasnt kidding. Read other threads too. A lot of useful info and links. There is a section called just women that u might find helpful too. They have a 12 steps for women.
Is ur DH supportive? U mentioned he was passed out..is he a big drinker too?
I have gotten that drunk before..drunk, angry as hell, thinking Id show him...all these thoughts would go through my mind of what could I do to show him a thing or two...obviously I never followed thru..like u, my sober self does not want to do that. I want to live. Wake up feeling good and loving my life. Happy to be alive.
Im on day 6 and today I have a headache from hell..ugh...but it isnt one from a hangover...so Im good!
Someone else mentioned in another thread...sorry not good with remembering names right now..about reading the 2nd sticky under alcoholism...very interesting about what goes on with ur body when u drink. Alcohol is poison. When my husbands granny would say why in the hell r u putting that poison in ur bodies, u dumb asses(this would be while we drop our son off to her so we coud go to the bar)..she wasnt kidding. Read other threads too. A lot of useful info and links. There is a section called just women that u might find helpful too. They have a 12 steps for women.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 25
Husband...
Husband is big drinker and he's right there with me. We have both agreed that this is NO WAY to live. We both have alcoholic families (talk about a good combo) and we don't want to waste our lives. Enough has been wasted. We are ready. I keep thinking of all the times we have argued and it's been the alcohol...UGH!!
So many regrets...
Thanks so much to everyone!!
So many regrets...
Thanks so much to everyone!!
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Most of the time that I argue with mine its because we are both drinking. But he is more of the normal drinking. U guys got it double stacked there with both ur families! That sucks. But its good that u both agreed its time to stop. I havent tried AA yet, R U? Maybe having each other can make detoxing easier...just remember no matte what he does..to take care of urself first! Wish I listened to that years ago..i would always put myself last.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
My husband and I also had some whopping arguments while drunk and they were always the worst when alcohol was involved. Glad you are both doing this. No regrets. You are doing something about it now. Regrets can lead you back to drinking. Concentrate on now and I agree with Astro that you might want to check out AA since you are both going to be recovering and it is great to meet sober people face to face. Having numbers of people to call if you are both weak at the same time.
My husband gave up drinking when he was diagnosed with Diabetes II. I did not stop at that point and continued on. I have stopped now and life is SO much better now. Lots of hugs from son and much love from husband too.
Congratulations on your choice made today.
My husband gave up drinking when he was diagnosed with Diabetes II. I did not stop at that point and continued on. I have stopped now and life is SO much better now. Lots of hugs from son and much love from husband too.
Congratulations on your choice made today.
new and scared. :(
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: chicago, il
Posts: 114
Hi Beachbum and Snowbunnie, I am new too..joined yesterday and I am scared sh*tless, but we can do it together.
and hey look on the bright side for most of you - at least you found husbands and started families!
I am 29 and spent so much time getting wasted and sloppy drunk no normal guy in his right mind wanted to date me. Now that I am trying to get sober my next mission will be to find a husband while I am still young and skinny. hehe
but it is a MAJOR accomplishment for you to even take the step to come on here and post your story. try to take it one day at a time, it is such a cheesy saying but very true. I was freaking out a little bit this morning, but I just had to stop and tell myself that I only need to worry about THIS DAY, and nothing else. Today is day 2 for me, it is rough but I know if I keep focused and only worry about that day, I can get thru it.
Good luck to you both and lets continue to stick around and be here for each other.
and hey look on the bright side for most of you - at least you found husbands and started families!
I am 29 and spent so much time getting wasted and sloppy drunk no normal guy in his right mind wanted to date me. Now that I am trying to get sober my next mission will be to find a husband while I am still young and skinny.
hehebut it is a MAJOR accomplishment for you to even take the step to come on here and post your story. try to take it one day at a time, it is such a cheesy saying but very true. I was freaking out a little bit this morning, but I just had to stop and tell myself that I only need to worry about THIS DAY, and nothing else. Today is day 2 for me, it is rough but I know if I keep focused and only worry about that day, I can get thru it.
Good luck to you both and lets continue to stick around and be here for each other.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Originally Posted by beachbum617 
Husband is big drinker and he's right there with me. We have both agreed that this is NO WAY to live. We both have alcoholic families (talk about a good combo) and we don't want to waste our lives. Enough has been wasted. We are ready. I keep thinking of all the times we have argued and it's been the alcohol...UGH!!
Sicilia, welcome also to you. Always nice to see new faces on SR!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Edina, MN
Posts: 37
Sicilia1414,
Embarking on this journey with someone who knows what it is like sounds like a great idea. For me- day one and the hangover is gone. The afternoon is the hardest time for me. Here we go.
SB
Embarking on this journey with someone who knows what it is like sounds like a great idea. For me- day one and the hangover is gone. The afternoon is the hardest time for me. Here we go.
SB
new and scared. :(
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: chicago, il
Posts: 114
Hi Astro, nice to meet you.
Snowbunnie - I almost stayed up all night last night reading thru all these posts. I am STILL in shock how similar most of these stories are, and how some of these posts have been the thoughts going thru my head for so long.
yippee!!! I just realized that I can get on here at work, I thought FOR SURE the company would have this website blocked.
Snowbunnie - I almost stayed up all night last night reading thru all these posts. I am STILL in shock how similar most of these stories are, and how some of these posts have been the thoughts going thru my head for so long.
yippee!!! I just realized that I can get on here at work, I thought FOR SURE the company would have this website blocked.
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