Lordofmylife

Here I am again....back on Day 1. I had managed to put together more than two weeks. And, this past week, I managed to put together 5 days -- not out of want, though, I was with my boyfriend and his family all weekend -- but as soon as I got home yesterday, I bought the bottle of wine, had some brandy and eggnogg and promptly passed out. My 10 year old had to put himself to bed.

Last night was horrible...the insomnia, the guilt, the wrestling with God about taking the desire away...

It would be nice to hear about how many "Day 1" others have had...it feels horrible.

Mariposa18

Hi~ I'm back on Day 1 after having 13 days under my belt. I gave in over the Thanksgiving Holiday and have been kicking myself over it. I honestly don't know what to tell you, but what I'm doing right now is simply taking it one day at a time. Make it through today, kiss your Son goodnight tonight, and come here if you start to feel the itch.


Stay Strong, you can do this. Praying for you~

BTW, I also don't know how many day 1's I actually had...too many. But want this to be my last~

Anna

Too many to count.

But, you don't have to have any more Day 1's.

This can be the last one.

Stay focused on your sobriety and take care of yourself. What are you doing in your life to stay sober, besides stopping drinking?

You can get past this!

Lordofmylife

It's encouraging to know that I'm not the only one.

51Anna...I had gone to a woman's meeting about a month ago. Being a single mom and working full time, it's hard to find meetings. I'd been talking with my dad every day (who's been sober 38 years) and coming here to read....I know I need to "make" the time...

Other than that, I haven't done much. I"m sure that's part of the downfall.

I'm tired of the "Day 1" syndrome....feeling better...then starting all over again.

allport

Ive also had too many day ones to count, they are terrible but the memory fades too quickly for me.

I wish i could keep the feeling of day one locked up inside me somewhere and take it out when i start feeling that a 'few wouldnt hurt'.

On a good note im on day 24 today and i feel ive got enough time behind me not to give it up without a fight.

Keep it up. you can do it. x

lostbutterfly

Lost count about a year ago!!!

I remember not putting my little girl to bed when I drank. Or bathing her. She used to fall asleep in her school uniform. That's the best thing about not drinking, for me.

Lordofmylife

Lostbutterfly....that's the worst feeling in the world, isn't it? Or when he's said to me, "mommy, I don't like it when you yell at me like that"....it's usually when I wake up around 10:00 and realize he's still watching tv, in his clothes, and him saying, "I'm hungry"....

Yes, I too would like to bottle up this horrid feeling for those times when I feel like I can have a few....

lostbutterfly

I tell you, seeing my kid fallen asleep with no dinner in front of the TV was what made me have my last drink and then chuck it. I was so ashamed of myself. Aint touched it since.

Wish I could say the same for the painkillers, but they don't make me so damn useless - I still function on them.

bstt03

well, bottle them up in your mind. What I actually found helpful, although I have not done it in a while (and come to think of it I should!), is to write in a journal. Write down all this bad stuff and feelings you have, then when the urge to drink hits you, go back and read what you wrote down. I also would make sure to write down after each entry three things that I am grateful for, to reinforce why I should not be drinking. Just a suggestion and maybe it will give you something to take your mind off drinking.

SoberStephanie7

I have had had 6 "Day 1's" - twice when I found out I was pregnant and both lasted until the week after each child was born. And this is my 4th "Day 1" since July of this year. My longest stretch was 8 weeks and 2 days without a drink. I am taking it day by day right now...

It's funny... I told DH I want to get pregnant again because I know I won't drink the whole time... to which he replied " BUT I WILL DRINK", lol!!!!!! He has been sober for 16 months... he has never flailed in his sobriety and I am so proud of him!!!

Surlyredhead

A LOT!!!!! Just never quit quitting, you never know when your last day one will be!!!!

Ananda

I'm not sure i can remember how many i had...my day ones when i had them never seemed to last past 3pm by which time I gave up the idea and started looking forward to the bottle after work.

The two actual day ones that I made it through...I didn't know they would be day one when I woke up...

TTOSBT

I am not sure how to answer that as I never admitted I was completely powerless and never wanted to drink again again until I crashed my car with my daughter IN IT! and spent the night in jail. Guess I should be grateful because I have NEVER forgotten that feeling and NEVER want to feel it again. It has been almost 7 months and I still cringe when I think about it. TODAY I am a sober Mom and I love it!!!!!

Bamboozle

Had many day one's...had one a week ago...hanging on by a thread now...but still hanging on.

timzup

That is a brilliant phrase.

Epiphany00

I have had so many day 1's I can't count. I went a whole year with a day 1 every week. I was on pain pills, so after day 6 or 7 when you're not sick anymore it's hard to go back to day 1 after everything you've been through in the last week. I've done it many times. But finally, something clicked. I moved to another state, away from my friends and family, and started over. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I will be clean 1 year on Dec. 26 and I'm so proud!!! Stick to your guns and be strong. You can do this!! You and your child both deserve it so much. I have faith in you and so does everyone else here.

least

I decided last December to quit drinking. It's taken me til mid July to actually stay 'quit'. I had too many day ones to count and each time I'd relapse and start over I was full of good intentions and full of shame for falling down again. Now I've got 142 days sober and am too damn stubborn to go back to day one.

This CAN be your last day one. I wish strength for you in defeating the monster!

Mariposa18

How are you doing today? Stay Strong, it will get better =)

Tazman53

I spent many a year chock full of day ones, right up until the point where I was physically incapable of having a day one.

I spent 5 years having to drink every day just to feel normal, knowing I was going to die if I did not sober up and stay sober finally got me to the point of surrender!

I surrendered to the fact that I was incapable of staying sober on my own my way, of course this surrender came 5 years to late, I had to be medically detoxed in order to even have a day one!

The real issue for me was staying sober!!! I found long term sobriety in the program of AA, there are other programs so I encourage any one honestly seeking sobriety to stop trying to stay sober alone and get into a program with other alcoholics who can share with you how they have stayed sober.

Fiona630

I also have had many day 1's. Two since I started posting here. A lot of times I would try to just control it and have only one night of drinking. And then id drink just diet cherry 7up and jim beam...felt it was less calories cuz the hubby and I were going to the gym 5 days a week and eating healthy. But I realized I was still not losing that much weight so i quit drinking for a couple months then warm weather came and it all went to hell..lol I have now realized, on my day 6 today, that I can not control it in the sense of just once a week, once a month , only a few...i have to eliminate it completely out of my diet...like i would something im allergic to.

Ive been the bad mom too. Barely able to get out of bed to send him to school. Sometimes he wouldnt even go to school. Sent him to bed with no dinner...he didnt tell me he was hungry was my excuse. Asleep in his school clothes laying in the floor in the livingroom. 1am and im drunk watching movies or emailing and he is bringing me my drinks while swimming in the pool...nice. But i didnt yell while drunk...I yell more now, detoxing, then I did then. I have very little patience right now and the slightest thing sets me to tears. The toilet wouldnt flush yesterday..i think i cried for 20 minutes and thought im gonna have a drink tonight..omg..all cuz of the toilet...i fixed the damn thing and came on here! Thank goodness for this site! Im so glad the hubby is coming home today from his hunting..he can help make things smoother.

Good luck! Come back daily..it really helps!