Fayez

Hi all,

I'm a newbie. I've been sober for 11 days now and I'm finding pros and cons. What made me stop drinking was when I went to put my bottle of beer away in the recycling, I found 11 empty ones, which indicated a huge problem and made me "aware" for the very first time in my life. I've always been the "well-kept-never-know-she-was-drinking" type of person. My lifestyle revolves around alcohol. I've been drinking since the age of 12 and I don't know anything else.

I'm a functional drunk. I'm an author (under an alias) and very well known around my area. Social settings involved martinis, good wine, champagne, etc., etc., etc... This is very difficult for me. My family are big drinkers. They're a wealthy successful bunch who are opposed to those who do not drink. "They don't fit in", my mother once told me when I went out on a date with someone who was recovering. I didn't understand it either to tell you the truth.

My problem, besides alcohol is my anxiety attacks. I have masked my anxiety and depression through alcohol. I was a "happy drunk". It relieved me of boredom and gave me a sense of relief. However, once I stopped drinking, I found a whole new world: I lost weight, I have been sleeping like a baby and my thought process is clearer. When I drank, my sleeping patterns were awful. I'd drink a martini or two or three, and then later go to sleep to only wake up 3 hours afterward with my heart racing and I would never fall back asleep.

So, on my 11th day (today), I am feeling very depressed because I have declined going out to dinner due to my anxiety. I can't eat food without choking, unless I am drinking. I can't go out. My social life feels like it is deteriorating greatly and I feel lost!

There are hardly any support groups around my immediate area either. I'm hoping I can grab help through this site.

Thanks for reading this,
Faye

ANGELINA243

Welcome to SR Faye.....Glad you are here. You will find much support here. This place has helped me out alot during my recovery.

Fiona630

Hey faye, congrats on 11 days! One day at a time. Im on day 4.This site is very useful but I think its important to come here daily. I think that was part of my problem with my last relapse. I stopped coming here. The encouragement from here and advice is awesome! Ur not alone.

Everything I do revolves around drinking also... In my group of friends to not drink is odd. My family all drink. I wouldnt say they are all alcoholics. Most of them know when to stop...unlike me.

Keep posting!

lisa t

hey faye, welcome & congrats on day 11...
i too suffered anxiety attacks in the middle of the night when i was drinking, but thankfully i've only had a few since i stopped drinking and they last a much shorter period of time, usually can talk myself down within an hour..before i would go days with 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night or none at all.
have you reached out to aa at all? just curious..i would think there would be alot of meetings in the city..if you can, check it out or call the hotline..there are some wonderful people in the rooms of aa with great sobriety...
you may even find that you'll make some new friends and have some new social opportunities.
i wish you the best...just hang in there...you can do it...keep coming back!
big hugz,
lisa

Rowan

Hi Faye,

Welcome. I started drinking young also, and my lifestyle revolved around alcohol. I couldn't imagine NOT drinking. I found recovery through AA, but I will acknowledge that it's not for everyone. It's given ME so much, though, and I live a life completely different from what it was before. I suffer from major depression, and it's only in recovery that I've finally experienced a reprieve from it. I still get depressed, but it's much more manageable now.

I'm glad you opted out of dinner tonight. It won't always be this way, but for a while, if you're serious about quitting drinking, you'll need to make some hard choices.

Stick around. It gets better.

nickishine

Hi Faye & welcome!

Great job on day 11! I'm right behind you with 9 days and struggle with much of what you're speaking of. It's getting better now, but by no means do I feel that I'm on the "other side". Social situations (esp family opinions) are important but not at the expense of my recovery at this point in my life. IT'S LIFE OR DEATH!!!!

Vent and unload here where people understand what you're REALLY talking about and read the other posts so you know that you are not alone whatsoever.

Keep posting and my best to you!
8

Dee74

Welcome Faye

early days are hard, especially if you were the type, like you were and I was, whose life revolved around alcohol....

Stay strong, keep the faith - don't drink - and things do work out

Takes a lot of time and work, and a lot more than just not drinking - but I think you get that already.

It's worth it

D

Jomey

Hi Faye - It's hard to say "no" in social situations...I dreaded my first round of sober holidays last year...but it is so worth it. It will get easier, so don't view your social life of this minute as the way it will be for the rest of your life. However, do whatever you need to do to stay sober, no matter what. I was led into drinking, partly, by anxiety attacks also. A little over a year of sobriety, recovery work and councelling later, they are nearly gone, and when they come, I can handle 'em without drinking. (I would have NEVER thought that was possible!) You can do it too!

Keep posting!

adore79

Hi and welcome Faye. Good work on the sober time and as for a social life, I'm sure as time goes by you will be able to find other sober friends, especially if you choose to go to a recovery program like AA.

Pam08

Welcome to SR . Great that you have 11 days under your belt. It is not easy I know. This forum can give you a ton of support, we are all the same, alcoholics who have a desire to be sober. Between this forum and AA I am at 27 day,s sober, amazing for me and the obsession is gone, for now atleast. Post, chat here and if you are interested, try AA, lots of wonderful people who at one time were in your shoes.. Stay strong, your doing great.

arthur

Faye,
Congrats on 11 days. Its a tough battle but you can do it. First go on line to aa.org and punch in your zipcode you should be able to get a listing of all the meetings in your neighborhood. Next get a sponsor. They re so helpful. Im 23 months sober and I call my sponsor at least three times a day sometimes more when i feel I need to. Your life will get better by being sober. I can relate to you and your family. I come from a suburban NY family and all we did was drink at any function. So i understand. Please feel free to write anytime and welcome.

Fayez

Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I will say this: the only thing about the concept of AA which I dislike is the fact that they advise you to stay away from friends or avoid them. I do believe AA is a great support system, but in my own personal opinion, it may be too "cult-like" for me. Meaning: just way too aggressive in their approach to quitting. However, I do want to attend a few meetings, but then would I be lying while sitting among people who go by all the rules? Or can I just be honest and say, "Hey, I want to stop drinking --possibly do the 30 day challenge, and maybe become one of those "holiday cocktail or two" type of people.

I work from home, so when I'm done writing articles or publishing, I reward myself with a glass of wine or a martini if it's around dinner time. I love to cook. With that, I love having a glass of wine, relaxing and doing what I love. Oddly enough, as a musician, if I drink alcohol, I don't play as well or write nearly as good as when I'm sober.

My goal is to become disciplined. I want to be able to say, "Ok, every holiday I'll indulge in a glass of wine or a martini", and be able to say "no" to the next glass. Those are my two weaknesses: red wine and dry martinis. When I wanted to "weaken" the drinks, I'd turn to beer so I wouldn't get "too drunk". You know what I mean probably. *sigh* After seeing the 12th bottle in the recycling bin, I knew it was time to make a change.

I do have to say that my appetite has lessened. (A good thing because I have a few pounds to shed here.) Again, the sleeping patterns are AMAZING without alcohol, but I do have to say one thing: my personality has changed...sadly for the worse, in my opinion because I'm not that "happy go lucky" person anymore. Alcohol used to give me a little boost in my happiness and mood. Now, I'm depressed. I'm afraid I'm in a deep depression too. I cry every single day. The things that I have been going through from last year have resurfaced and now I am handling them AGAIN sober because I have masked it with alcohol for the past year.

I'm afraid that my depression will get worse. Any tips on what to do?

And I have looked up AA meetings around my area and they seem to be all outdated. I live a bit north of Manhattan---appx. 1 hour. I have anxiety and fear driving into the city. I can't do it. Unless it is within my region, I will not attend. The closest AA meeting is about 45 minutes away, unless they have some hidden meeting that I don't know about. I'm lost. I need support and my partner who I live with seems to be supportive, and has been drinking a lot less than she used to- now only a beer every few days instead of a couple or so per night. It doesn't bother me if she drinks, but it does bother me when she keeps asking me to go to the same bar that holds bands there---because she knows that as a musician, I love seeing bands----but this one bar is rowdy and you NEED alcohol just to calm down...at least for me.

I'm glad I found this site and hope that I can keep up just for today. I just need to get through one day and find my way out tomorrow too. I'm scared and depressed.

adore79

Hi Fayez,

Dealing with life and especially the problems in life while sober is one of the biggest challenges when we choose sobriety IMO. Many people like myself use their HP (Higher Power) to help them. Even with an HP though, I find that there is no easy answer for dealing with things sober, it just has to be done. I personally read a lot on SR and gain strenght from others here.

Depression and mood swings are normal during early sobriety and I recommend going to see a doctor if it is too much to handle.

Just dont pick up no matter what, if you get the urge to drink, talk to someone supportive or come on here for support.

Fayez

That's the biggest challenge because I don't have any "support". BUT!!!!!!! I did find a meeting......ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME! (haha) I'm very excited about this. I go tonight at 5:30. Maybe I can meet some new sober friends who know what to do besides drinking. Ah, this is a good sign. I'm really excited about my new health and all, but kind of scared of losing close friends. Between this website and the meetings I will now be attending, hopefully I will stay sober. It feels good "today". One good thing though---I'm too scared to pick up a drink because I have had insomnia due to alcohol abuse, that I'm afraid that I'll get it again.

Any other tips while dealing with friends and family who are big "functional" drinkers? Is there such a thing? :|

four812

how many support groups are there? and do you want to give one a try and see what it's about? it's possible it will be a decision that you will never regret.

BUTTERFLY-7

Hey: Fayes Just Keep Posting and Don't Be afraid to share
and,

CarolD

arthur....
Faye....

Welcome to our recovery community
Glad to see new members .

Fayez

Hi,

I just went to my first AA meeting ever. Let me just say one thing: oh my dearrrrrr GAWD I had such bad luck.

1. I had to find this place that is nearby. No problem, right? I pull into the parking lot to only find a bunch of kids in a CCD class. I walked around the property and all the lights were off in each little parish...(because they all have them in churches apparently.)

2. Couldn't locate AA. Knocked on the door and a little cute nun came outside and asked if she could help me. I had to say, "Oh, I'm looking for a meeting."

"OHHHH THE AA MEETING?" (heh) Mortified. She explains that I have to walk THROUGH the nearby graveyard - keep in mind it's pitch dark out and there are absolutely ZERO lights on. She says, "Oh dear, it seems very dark though."

3. I start walking through the graveyard. I hear HOWLING. I keep walking...I start running. I trip. I skinned my knee and looked up to see a family friend's TOMB STONE.

OK. Weird.

4. I start walking toward this ancient building that was built in the late 1800's----where the meeting is supposedly held. No lights.

I'm going to stop numbering now. lol

I walked AROUND the stone building and nothing. Only weird red lighting coming from inside. Doors are all locked. I knocked... nothing.

I get in my car all upset. I drove back home and was like, "WHY WHY WHY? Someone doesn't want me to quit drinking!!!"

I was so tempted to pick up a drink----------------seriously. Or at least pour some vodka on my bloody knee.

I went online and saw another church holding an AA meeting. I mapquested it and flew over only to do the same rigmarole over again. Couldn't find anything. I stopped some poor stranger walking his little girl in the pitch dark back to their car after their CCD class and asked him where the lower chapel was. He said, "Oh wow, it's all the way in the back near the GRAVEYARD (LOL) and it looks like there are no lights."

Great.

I walk through this stone wall alley up these creepy church stairs and back down to another section. (I had a pair of balls tonight boy!) Then some cowboy greets me and says, "You here for the tupperware party?"

It was it. I was in.

FINALLY-----------my question is: are there certain rules when you're speaking to the group such as not speaking about specific alcohols or your "drug of choice"? I brought up that I was a big martini drinker and would wean off by drinking beer afterwards. (Just to give them an idea of my habits.) They all kinda looked at one another in disapproval about 'talking too much'. Is there a rule where you cannot explain your drinking problem in detail just in case someone gets a craving?

It is kind of cult-like I have to admit but I was greeted warmly and got more phone numbers than I ever did at a bar. lol, jk...bad joke.

Anyway, any tips on rules of AA?

3.

Fayez

By the way, the howling I heard was a dog locked in someone's car. ??

coffeenut

Well, if you have a need to pour vodka somewhere, your knee would be a good choice, I guess. I'm just kidding, you really did have a time getting to your meeting, but you got there.

Fay, ONE day at a time. Don't freak out beyond that, just ONE day.

And the 'functional' alcoholic family, yep that would be my forte. Amazingly enough, no one says anything about my not drinking. I think deep down, they know they need to clean up, too.

Good luck, Fay.