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Old 11-29-2008, 11:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
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This morning is day 21. When I first came into this I told myself I needed to go 30 days with no booze, I am almost there. The thing is, is now I am feeling like once I hit the 30 day mark that it may be OK to go have a few as long as I stay under control. Problem is that once I have 1, I go until the bar closes and get completely hammered. I plan on only having a few but once the trains starts rolling its game over.

The other part of me is saying you been working out, losing some LB's, feeling amazing, kicking ass at work, re focused, no hangovers so why would I want to go back to it? I dont know why, maybe because its what I have always done. Maybe I am having an issue realizing that this should be something I Need to do for more than 30 days.

dont know, Just venting a little.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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The other part of me is saying you been working out, losing some LB's, feeling amazing, kicking ass at work, re focused, no hangovers so why would I want to go back to it? I dont know why, maybe because its what I have always done. Maybe I am having an issue realizing that this should be something I Need to do for more than 30 days.
Sounds like you have a good thing going, why would you want to begin drinking again? I understand it is what you have always done, but that dosn't mean it's what you always have to do. JMO

Congrats on you sobertime
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I am not sure why. I feel amazing right now being sober. Part of me thinks I can keep it under control but I know those are my monkeys trying to justify me diving into that tailspin again.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Psuge..

Congrats on your 21 Days !

Maybe you've heard this before..maybe not..but this is one of my favorite readings

I love to hear when I attend an AA meeting.

Quote:
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, had to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who had lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovered this control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
More About Alcoholism--AA Text

I sure tried the experiment over and over again. I got sober, felt better for awhile

then thought.."I can do it, I'll just have wine with dinner." Yeah right.

I remember, a few weeks after rehab..my daughter heard me popping a tall one in

the restroom. "Mama..are you drinking in there?" I came out with it in my hand..

nonchalantly.."Oh.didn't I tell you?" "Rehab cured me..I'm in Alanon now."

My addictions turned me into a liar..and I believed them myself.

It is called denial and more..delusion.

I finally did "get it"...I kept coming back.

You might try AA...

Hugs, and good luck.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm on day 30 and am feeling a bit like that myself, especially when it comes to smoking chronic. But, I know I'd go right back to smoking 24/7. And when I put alcohol in my body it changes my decision making process, so even if I started with the intentions to only have a couple (or not drive), I may not stick to that every time. I'm not usually a hard drinker, but I feel like I have to have atleast a couple every day, and I can't predict with 100% accuracy when I'll drink to excess.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It says in the AA Twelve and Twelve that the only Step we have to take perfectly

is Step One.

"We admitted we were alcoholic, that our lives had become unmanageable."

All the rest..the remaining eleven are guides to progress.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks IO, I have never been to a meeting. I may look into one. I am able to go to normal watering hole and not drink so why would i want to hit the Vodka again? I get annoyed by all the hammered people trying to have a conversation with me. I was one of those guys not so long ago. Now I cant stand being around them.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Great idea. You will find friends there too. You don't have to talk. You can, if you

wish. No one will shove anything down your throat.

For now..don't drink no matter what. It is what I do.
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank you IO. No Booze. Today would be a huge drinking day for me. The Civil WAR Oregon Ducks against the Beavers. GO DUCKS! I am going to meet with all my friends at our spot but I will be drinking pitchers of Iced tea. Thanks for your advice.
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I'm at around 6 months and I have the same thoughts, but I KNOW what will happen. I think you too! Thanks for the honesty, though.
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I know from my past experiences...I can NOT just have a few after going for a while without drinking. If I manage to have a 4 on sat. night, by wed. night I will have 10 then friday night I will be loaded...doing what I do so well when I get that drunk...making an ass out of myself, insulting friends, flirting with men(and Im married, but that doesnt seem to matter when I get that drunk) and eventually blacking out. Waking up the next day feeling shame and guilt, not remembering what I did. Wondering why im getting phone calls to my cell from a number I dont know...thinking oh god...no I didnt?! It happens like this EVERY time I quit. I think I can control it but in the end I cant. Maybe some can, but I am seeing now that alcohol controls me, when I drink it. So its best for me to get it through my head that I cant every drink it again, if I want to keep my family and my life.

U have experienced places without drinking now..I find I can have just as much fun not drinking as I did drinking. Keep that up! At least u can be the one going..damn..did u see so and so? Instead of being the one everyone is talking about! lol

Keep up the good work with ur sobriety!
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Old 11-29-2008, 02:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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as i like to say....if it aint broke, don't fix it!! if your sobriety is working for you and your drinking didn't...why go back????

it only keeps getting better...i've said for quite some time....living life on life's terms sucks sometimes but my worst day sober is a cake-walk compared to my drinking days!!

i choose ME......i choose sobriety!!!! you can too!!! keep up the good work!!

big hug :ghug3 heading your way!! keep coming back!!

Lisa
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Old 11-29-2008, 04:09 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thank you guys. I will try to keep the no booze streak rolling
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We are inclined to call things by the wrong names. We call prosperity 'happiness', and adversity 'misery' even though adversity is the school of wisdom and often the way to eternal happiness. William Penn
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Old 11-29-2008, 04:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I think it comes down to, do you want to be drunk or sober? Sounds like you are doing an awesome job taking care of yourself. Is getting drunk worth giving up all of your hard work?

Best Wishes to you.
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Old 11-29-2008, 05:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I have to admit, I did have fun getting lit sometimes and I miss it but I wasn't able to control it so I am pretty sure I should not be drinking. Too many fights,one night stands, blackouts and the 2 day hangovers weren't that much fun either
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Old 11-29-2008, 08:25 PM   #16 (permalink)
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When you are thinking of going out and having one or two drinks. think, can I just have 1 or 2? if the answer is honestly yes, then I would say reconsider if your an alcoholic, now if the answer is no, I cannot stop at one or two..then think of the past drunks, Play the drinking episodes from beginning to end. not just the beginning fun stuff..but all the way thru to the black outs, the fights, the hangover, and the horrible feeling of guilt /shame/embarrassement, etc, the next day.....then decide if that is what you really want.. Stay strong, your doing so great sober..getting it together, for sure..
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Old 11-29-2008, 08:38 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Psuge47,

Thanks for your honesty. Alcohol wants you to think "I can just have a few". It doesn't want to help our lives, it wants to destroy it bit by bit and rip our hearts right out of our chests!

With looking at your life for the past 21 days and excelling physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.... Just think what things may be like in 60 or 90 days -- or to keep it really simple 31 days (since your goal is 30 days)???? :wtf2

I set myself up far to often with goals and when achieved (or not) sabbatoge and/or celebrate them with a drink! Problem is I don't stop there and before I know it all has gone to hell in a hand basket again. I'm off and running with the booze for God knows how long.

I wish you all the best in your recovery. Please keep posting and updating so we know how you are doing!

Take care!
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Old 11-30-2008, 03:35 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Problem is that once I have 1, I go until the bar closes and get completely hammered. I plan on only having a few but once the trains starts rolling its game over.
beautifully put
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Old 11-30-2008, 04:38 AM   #19 (permalink)
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47, i remember seeing a sign in a zoo that said...

"dont feed the monkeys"
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Old 11-30-2008, 04:49 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Those monkeys get crazy when fed RZ.

I Have to get this damn 30 day thing out of mind and thinking I need to reward myself for hitting that goal my by getting a few drinks. Thinking that if I go 30, I dont have a problem. My problem wasn't drinking everyday, It was going like a mad man when I did and not being able to stop after I got started.The thing is, is that I am not missing out on anything. I have been Out Wed, Friday and Sat night this week. I see all my friends, I am just not drinking. Tonight After My Oregon Ducks won and Everyone was toasting and doing Shots, I felt a quick urge and then ordered a big Pitcher of Iced Tea.
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