Arrrrrrgh, my wife called
 

My wife called me last night who is out of town with the kids for the holiday. For those of you that don't know, she is the one that calls me a coke head in front of my kids even though I was clean for over 7 months. Anyway, now when I talk to her I have a rushed feeling to get off of the phone with her. I spoke to her for maybe 2 minutes and then told her I don't want to talk. I used to call her all the time during work hours. I used to try to hang on to the pathetic relationship we have always had. I'm scared though because this is the first time she has been away and I used. However, I do regret tremendously that I used. What if I leave her and start to use again because I'm not being "watched"? I don't want to use but I know how I'm powerless over cocaine. Maybe I should stay with her for my own protection? It isn't a love thing just a survival thing.

She can't keep you from using roadguy and I know you know that. How about going to some meetings and holding yourself accountable there? Get a plan that works for you. It isn't right that she berates you in front of the kids and you could use that as an excuse to get wasted. This is why we don't hand over the power of our addiction to others. We are powerless and so are they. Find another way to recovery. You can do it RG. We know you can. :)

Staying in an abusive relationship is clearly not a good thing.

Also, you mentioned previously that your wife called you names in front of your children. What kind of message is that for your kids?

And, you know, in your heart, that you are the only one who can stop using/drinking. It's not something that you can do for your wife.

I agree with the above. You have to want to be clean for YOU. I tried to get clean for everyone else and it NEVER worked.

Keep posting and try not to let her push your buttons.