SageWolf

My roommates girlfriend is a rcovering alcoholic, 2 years clean. She has quite a few sponcees & has not only been asked to speak at one of the local NA meetings, which she said was a big deal, but has also recently been asked to speak at some big convention next year.

I'm really good friends with her, but she doesn't know that I'm addicted to speed. I'd like to ask her to be my sponcer, but she is a tiny bit controlling and very obsessive about hitting meetings every day.

Really, my two main concerns are these:

1.) If I fail at becomming clean & relapse, she won't want me to be around her boyfriend, who is not only my roommate but my best friend as well. She's already told me that the best thing to do if he relapses is to kick him out.

2.) I have severe social anxiety, which is part of the reason I started taking speed. I've never found a.medicine that really helps, so once I'm off the speed, i doubt i will be able to hit many meetings. She already fusses at her boyfriend about it, and he hits at least 2 a week.

What do yall think? Should I ask her to be my sponser, or just get a list from one of the meetings and go from there?

Anna

Hi SageWolf,

Welcome!

I'm not an AA person, but my suggestion is to follow your heart. If you believe this person is right for you, then go for it. If you think there is too much emotional liability involved, then maybe choose someone else.

I'm glad you're seeking help.

SageWolf

Thanks for the advice!

Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of new to the whole thing, so I really don't know IF it will affect anything if she were to be my sponcer. I don't even know if NA will be a good thing to me - I like the idea of The Steps, just because by having a sort of writing assignment it will force me to take a look at myself and things in a way that I usually don't (plus, it gives me something in-home to do so that I don't feel the need to take speed out of boredom to have the energy to go out and do something), but as far as the meetings... I'm scared that my social anxiety will get in the way of that, as well as the paranoia that I develop when I'm not speeding and am forced to be in a group... thinking everyone is looking at me and judging me.

I also am not comfortable with the thought of naming something as "the God of my understanding"... which I'm not even going to get into. My recovering alcoholic friend tried to explain to me that it's not necessarily saying that the thing you name is "God", just something that is higher than yourself... I just am not sure what I would name as mine.

Sorry.. just kind of venting. I got off the subject.

Anyway, I admitted to her for the first time today about my problem, but really, all of the issues we're having with my roomate/her boyfriend, neither of us could concentrate on the subject much. I thought recovery would be easier living with an ex-addict... not having to worry about anyone drinking or doing drugs in the house... but, although he's not using, he's really still an ADDICT. He's selfish, self-centered, etc, and will do things the way HE wants to... which, basically, is forcing me to get rid of my pitbull mix that I've had for almost 3 years now. He doesn't realize that with a smarter dog like a pitbull, you can't come in the house and get them all riled up, then expect them to be good... excitement time is outside time.

Ananda

I think NA probably has some literature on sponsorship that you can ask for when you go to a meeting.

As important as a sponsor is, I would not run into that relationship too quickly. Take some time to watch the women in the meetings and follow your gut with some information on what sponsorship is.

Sponsorship and recovery for me are not about the number of meetings I or a sponsor attend, or about how often or where she or I speak. I choose my support group based on what I hear them share about their own life expereinces in recovery in their life at meetings and after the meetings.:ghug

deezaldog

A sponsor is an important decision. If you have all of these concerns then go to some meetings and listen to what others in recovery have to say. Every sponsor is different and has different requirements for their sponsees. I do not ask a sponsee to do anything I would not do and I do not tell them to do anything or else. I make suggestions and if they want what I have then they will follow. Make sure your sponser is someone with good sobriety and that you can relate to and them to you.
To speak at a meeting is great but it is about sharing what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. It is not about ego inflation. Good luck in your search and recovery.

mle-sober

Ummm... I get the feeling you're male and she's female. Right there is the one and definitive reason why she shouldn't be your sponsor.

Find a male sponsor. It just works better.

(Unless I'm reading it wrong and you're feamle? If so, sorry...)

nickishine

Sagewolf,

My honest opinion, No don't go there with this person. She's too close to home right now. You are in a fragile place with your addiction as it is, and if you choose to give NA/AA a shot then you'll want someone you can be totally honest and confidential with and a sponsor who won't be judging your life and dictating who should live with who, yada yada.

Just my opinion. Check out a couple meetings & watch people, listen to them, see how they interact with others. It's a big deal getting a sponsor, but you can always ask someone you feel good about to be a "temporary" sponsor as you are looking for someone long-term. Just ideas.... :

Jersey Nonny

I can think of a number of reasons why you should give this serious consideration.

1. This is too close a relationship...it would be like asking a family member...definitely discouraged.

2. There is a saying in the rooms of AA/NA: "Women with Women; Men with Men" You may see occasional deviation in sponsorship, but rarely.

3. Having a lot of people to sponsor doesn't necessarily mean she's good at it.
Being a sponsor carries with it a responsibility to be available...newly sober people require time...being spread too thin between them means someone may not be getting the attention needed.

At the risk of being accused of taking her inventory, aside from the "2 years clean":

4. It sounds like she may be on a bit of an ego trip...being asked to speak is an honorable way of doing "service" and should be accepted with a degree of humility.

Not a good idea for any and/or all of the reasons cited above. It would definitely a better idea to:

Quote:

just get a list from one of the meetings and go from there?

There's no rush...look around at the meetings. Above all, listen to the men, and find one with good sobriety that you can relate to.

mle-sober

..."has not only been asked to speak at one of the local NA meetings, which she said was a big deal, but has also recently been asked to speak at some big convention next year..."

Yes - I had the same reaction as Jersey Nonny to this one.