staying clean day by day
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
staying clean day by day
hi all
just checking in to the SR internet world with a report of my sobriety. I am staying clean and today is my 40th day clean
I never have to pick up a crack pipe again
i never have to drink again
i never have to live with the additional isolation and fear that using and drinking brings to me
I have enough of that inside of me already! and today I am continuing to work on my recovery. from my first moment awake until the last before sleep, I have work to do. the work of recovery. the work of practicing new behaviors and new activities. the work of acting and creating my life instead of "re-acting" and of living in "automatic".
so that's it for me for today....except for....below I am reposting something I wrote last week on SR. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on it from friends and want to include it here again and maybe it will bring something good to someone.
A look at my life today, and then 20 years into the future…(by Jerry K.)
TODAY...I'm in the middle of a dream, but don't know it. It's a happy dream of sorts. The dream seems to be coming to a possible conclusion and before the final details, your alarm goes off. You hear it and turn it off and get out of bed. The rush of madness begins. Another day. Lots to do. Brush teeth. Shower. Clothes. Coffee. Medications. The News. And midst these subplots, are the bigger plans of the day itself. What will come first? A little change will be needed here. Then your phone rings...you hang up and a dozen more things come into your mind. You begin your journey to WORK with your bag of stuff, and start your car, and drive, and approve the traffic report to begin your normal route.
Like the approach of a train, signaled by its steady growth of power, all these things going on in your mind begin to rattle the windows of your soul. And to think it's only just begun; you've only been awake for 35 minutes and you're wound up tight already. But you know how to push the limits of this obsession with your life, and your multitasking parade of events. You have lived over the edge without any consequence, and heck you're not even close to the ledge. Then it occurs to you that it's only 6:25AM, and you know by 10:00 things will be in full tilt. Are you up for the challenge, up for the game? -- To process the input of the data of your life, and create an impressive output of productivity and outright “together-ness”? For a moment you feel a general tiredness. It has nothing to do with lack of sleep, but you take another drink of your caffeinated medicine and return it to the cup holder and enter the Left Lane of I-75 South.
20 YEARS LATER...In the early morning you can ease up on your wants – those instant desires of self-ness that race out the morning gates in your brain as you rise. You take a deep breath in, accepting the pain of those desires and the anxiety of the wait. You now claim the life of the breath, and release it to the world with all the love of your soul.
The peace of morning quietness now comes into your Heart early. The winter's forced air of the furnace soothes your reality. Gratitude fills you, and constant wordless prayer emanates from your Heart. All the past, present, and future of your being lives and breathes, here now.
There is no rush and there is no waiting, because you are at exactly where you are at. You are spreading goodness now; and that is what you are about. You are love. This kind of love is a state of being, your state of being. It is a love that is not outward or inward. It is a love of “being”.
So this love, this nature of love, is now the Way. There are no conditions for it; it is. It is in your breath, your mind, your heart. It is spontaneous; it requires no plans. During pain or joy it always remains. Its existence never waits for another time, it doesn't wait until your vacation, or until you’re out of rush hour traffic, or until you “fall in love”. It just goes on. It always occurs with the breath.
just checking in to the SR internet world with a report of my sobriety. I am staying clean and today is my 40th day clean
I never have to pick up a crack pipe again
i never have to drink again
i never have to live with the additional isolation and fear that using and drinking brings to me
I have enough of that inside of me already! and today I am continuing to work on my recovery. from my first moment awake until the last before sleep, I have work to do. the work of recovery. the work of practicing new behaviors and new activities. the work of acting and creating my life instead of "re-acting" and of living in "automatic".
so that's it for me for today....except for....below I am reposting something I wrote last week on SR. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on it from friends and want to include it here again and maybe it will bring something good to someone.
A look at my life today, and then 20 years into the future…(by Jerry K.)
TODAY...I'm in the middle of a dream, but don't know it. It's a happy dream of sorts. The dream seems to be coming to a possible conclusion and before the final details, your alarm goes off. You hear it and turn it off and get out of bed. The rush of madness begins. Another day. Lots to do. Brush teeth. Shower. Clothes. Coffee. Medications. The News. And midst these subplots, are the bigger plans of the day itself. What will come first? A little change will be needed here. Then your phone rings...you hang up and a dozen more things come into your mind. You begin your journey to WORK with your bag of stuff, and start your car, and drive, and approve the traffic report to begin your normal route.
Like the approach of a train, signaled by its steady growth of power, all these things going on in your mind begin to rattle the windows of your soul. And to think it's only just begun; you've only been awake for 35 minutes and you're wound up tight already. But you know how to push the limits of this obsession with your life, and your multitasking parade of events. You have lived over the edge without any consequence, and heck you're not even close to the ledge. Then it occurs to you that it's only 6:25AM, and you know by 10:00 things will be in full tilt. Are you up for the challenge, up for the game? -- To process the input of the data of your life, and create an impressive output of productivity and outright “together-ness”? For a moment you feel a general tiredness. It has nothing to do with lack of sleep, but you take another drink of your caffeinated medicine and return it to the cup holder and enter the Left Lane of I-75 South.
20 YEARS LATER...In the early morning you can ease up on your wants – those instant desires of self-ness that race out the morning gates in your brain as you rise. You take a deep breath in, accepting the pain of those desires and the anxiety of the wait. You now claim the life of the breath, and release it to the world with all the love of your soul.
The peace of morning quietness now comes into your Heart early. The winter's forced air of the furnace soothes your reality. Gratitude fills you, and constant wordless prayer emanates from your Heart. All the past, present, and future of your being lives and breathes, here now.
There is no rush and there is no waiting, because you are at exactly where you are at. You are spreading goodness now; and that is what you are about. You are love. This kind of love is a state of being, your state of being. It is a love that is not outward or inward. It is a love of “being”.
So this love, this nature of love, is now the Way. There are no conditions for it; it is. It is in your breath, your mind, your heart. It is spontaneous; it requires no plans. During pain or joy it always remains. Its existence never waits for another time, it doesn't wait until your vacation, or until you’re out of rush hour traffic, or until you “fall in love”. It just goes on. It always occurs with the breath.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Ksplash - You've come a long way baby! Thanks for the continued inspiration you give to us all. Loved your share.
I especially liked this - the work of acting and creating my life instead of "re-acting" and of living in "automatic".
I have to remember that. Thanks again!!
I especially liked this - the work of acting and creating my life instead of "re-acting" and of living in "automatic".
I have to remember that. Thanks again!!
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