SteelReserve

I found this forum after feeling ashamed walking home with 3 40 oz. malt liquor bottles (you gotta love my name) a few hours ago. Not even 7 a.m. It's my weekend off, and I vowed to do something better with my time. But I'm back to the same old crap. I'm an attractive dude, but completely bloated and ugly looking due to my addiction.

I'm a manager at a major retail chain, and came to work drunk yesterday. I could even tell my speech was slurred, and I think the beer was coming out of my pores. The frightening thing is, I went there, did my job perfectly, came home and drank more. They love me, but my alcoholism is becoming noticeable. And I have plans of going back to school to become a nurse, but I can't do it in this state. I just can't. What I'm doing now is not life or death, but handling patients is a whole other ordeal.

I've barely gone through my first bottle, but I can guarantee I'll go through the other two soon. I feel so damaged for only being 27.

I quit for 6 weeks a few months ago. Felt great. I woke up refreshed, wasn't tired, and I received so many compliments about how good I looked..... then I fell back into that awful hole. I look like hell, feel like hell, and know I must stop. I just don't know if I have the power...

Rella927

Welcome to SR Steel! Glad that you found us and took the first step and admitted you have a problem

Now .....what are you going to do about it for yourself to "feel great, wake up refreshed, not be tired and look good again?" Have you gone to your Doctor? That could be a another step and possibly go to an AA Meeting?

Please check our other forums-"Alcoholism" and the stickies at the top of the page as they are filled with a wealth of information-Keep posting here as there is a lot of support and please know that you are worth getting your life back and you are not alone in doing so!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You can stop drinking today and begin to recover.

Toss out the alcohol you have left and spend some time reading and learning on these forums. We're here to support you.

Pam08

Welcome to SR. I tried to quit a hundred times, have gone a month in the past, etc. but I always was back drinking in no time. I can't do it on my own, this forum is wonderful, and might check out AA. There you can get the tools to succeed, and people who have lived your life, amazing how we all connect. we change physically when we stop drinking. I have had so many comments regarding the physical changes (my eyes are not as black and puffy) ..mentally it is getting better having a clear head to think and respond with. Keep coming back posting and reading, alot of support here...

SteelReserve

I see I posted in the wrong forum. Feel free to move me.

I'm not doing a damn thing to better myself. It's like, one minute I feel determined in overcoming this.. or at least coping with it and rising above it... then I sleep it off, wake up a few hours later, and stop dealing with the problem at hand.

I'm not in an awful, bottom of the barrel sort of situation. But I know it could lead there if I don't get help now (and showing up to work drunk/smelling like beer isn't far from the bottom).

And thank you to the posters. I need to attend an AA program. Haven't done so yet. Have thought of it over the past 3 years. I need to make the commitment (like the commitment I feel towards alcohol) and just do it. I feel like I'm almost there.

I just needed to post here amongst people who understand what I've been going through for several years.

Anna

You defininitely did not post in the wrong forum.

This forum is any and all newcomers on any topic, and for not-so-newcomers as well.

And, we do understand how difficult this is.

Toomutch

Welcome Steel, and feel free to post here at anytime. I still use newcomers as my primary forum and I will be sober for nine months soon.

You are right, drinking dosn't do a thing for our bodies or apperance. I became really puffy and bloated too. I'ts so good to be looking better again. Not to mention no further damage to my body from the alcohol.

I wish you well Steel. Keep posting - were here for you.

Ananda

hi....wanted to let you know that I too drank before work. I also drank at lunch. And then all night too.

You know even working drunk i only slipped from consistantly exceeds expectations to often exceeds expectations.

In fact I really had a little bit of a resentment about it cause I thought they would surly call me on my alchoholism.

I may have been able to function well at work drunk, but it's what it did on the inside of me that matters.

I had to quit waiting for the other shoe to drop...cause i might have been dead before that happened.

I went to a 30 day treatment center, joined AA again, and found SR.

Hope you keep posting

desertdonna

Hey Steel,

Oh, yeah, we understand! You don't have to be what you call a "low bottom." It's plenty enough if we see the end of the road from wherever we are.

Resolve can fade in a heartbeat, and we're right back where we started. Having support can make a huge difference. So maybe take some action in getting just that for now.

I'm very glad that you posted and followed up, and hope to hear more from you.

You're in my thoughts.

Hevyn

Welcome Steel! I love Alexandria. I had a similar situation with my job. They loved me, too. I was a well-respected assistant to the owner of a hotel. After a number of years there, where I only drank on weekends, I progressed to drinking every night. Finally, every day (couldn't get to lunchtime without shaking). I'd take it to work and hide it in my bathroom, sip all day long. As you said, I'm sure it was coming out of my pores (it is so not true that you can't smell vodka!), I was probably slurring, not fooling anyone. Oh, I had my eyedrops and breathmints, but you can only cover it up so much. No one knew what to do with me. My boss was afraid to confront me. By the time 5:00 came, I was tanked, and I'd go get in my car and drive the 1/2 hour home. That's when I racked up my DUI's - but still I didn't get the message that I had to stop all together. I would moderate, I would just drink beer, I would just drink on weekends, special occasions. You know. It all failed spectacularly. In the end, I kept a drink by my bed so I could take a sip when the shakes overtook me in the middle of the night. Lovely. I came to SR tattered and torn, and they took me in. You can find strength and peace here - we all understand. Please let us know how you're doing. Love, Joanie

SteelReserve

Yeah, I'll be honest. I don't think they're going to say anything because I do such a great job. The warehouse I manage is doing incredibly well, in fact it's in the best shape it's ever been because of me, so I think they'll let me slide. Though I'm not about to blame them for enabling me. It's my problem.

SteelReserve

I kinda understand why people love AA so much. You guys have been amazingly supportive, and don't even know me. Thank you. This is helping me.

SteelReserve

I really loved your post. I really don't want to get to that point. I feel kind of stupid posting here, yet still drinking. It seems beyond silly. I don't know... I want to beat this because I know there is so much I can achieve if I'm sober. I have so many plans, and goals, and drinking is keeping me from it. It's also kept me from having a few relationships.

CarolD

Please call 703-281-7501 for AA information.
As far as I know..that's still the number for No. Va. Intergroup.

My early sober years...I was in D.C. AA
and it's an awesome adventure.

Welcome to SR..