New Member, Getting Sober 1 Day at a Time~
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,055
New Member, Getting Sober 1 Day at a Time~ Hello Everyone~ I've been reading posts since Friday, my first day of sobriety, and finally had the nerve to join and post.
I'm 31 and I've been a drinker for years. Every time I stop I think I can control it and have only one drink. That works for a little while, but I always end up in the same place. Drinking to mask feelings, to feel better, to not feel anything. The past few months I've been drinking a lot, easily 1 big bottle of wine a night (which actually equals 2) at least 3 times a week. I was sober for 9 months and then had 1 drink...here I am now, looking to get sober for good. I knew for a long time that I was an alcoholic but I was in denial. I would tell myself I could control it, but obviously that is not the case. I've been thinking back and the first time I got drunk I was 16, depressed about a situation with my boyfriend, and a "friend" got me drunk so I would feel better. I realize now that was my trigger and it's when my addiction started.
I want to get better. I don't want alcohol to ruin my life. I know if I don't stop now I will simply drink more and more until I no longer make decisions based on right or wrong but on when I can drink or not. So far I've been what people call "functional" I've never gotten in car drunk (actually, I did, once when I was 19. I don't remember getting home and I NEVER did that again!) I take care of my children, I take care of my Husband, I pay my bills, but I drink. And when I do I drink too much and too often. There is simply no way around it, just because I'm not driving drunk or losing a job doesn't mean I don't have a problem. That is how I was able to justify it for a long time. Because if I wasn't ruining my life, was I really an alcoholic? Well yes, I am. It took me reading a lot of the stories here to realize that. That is the stereotype that people have believed for so long, that I also believed.
I know it's not going to be easy, but I don't want to keep going down this road and have all the things I dread happen. Just because they haven't it doesn't mean they can't or won't if I don't quit.
I'm 31 and I've been a drinker for years. Every time I stop I think I can control it and have only one drink. That works for a little while, but I always end up in the same place. Drinking to mask feelings, to feel better, to not feel anything. The past few months I've been drinking a lot, easily 1 big bottle of wine a night (which actually equals 2) at least 3 times a week. I was sober for 9 months and then had 1 drink...here I am now, looking to get sober for good. I knew for a long time that I was an alcoholic but I was in denial. I would tell myself I could control it, but obviously that is not the case. I've been thinking back and the first time I got drunk I was 16, depressed about a situation with my boyfriend, and a "friend" got me drunk so I would feel better. I realize now that was my trigger and it's when my addiction started.
I want to get better. I don't want alcohol to ruin my life. I know if I don't stop now I will simply drink more and more until I no longer make decisions based on right or wrong but on when I can drink or not. So far I've been what people call "functional" I've never gotten in car drunk (actually, I did, once when I was 19. I don't remember getting home and I NEVER did that again!) I take care of my children, I take care of my Husband, I pay my bills, but I drink. And when I do I drink too much and too often. There is simply no way around it, just because I'm not driving drunk or losing a job doesn't mean I don't have a problem. That is how I was able to justify it for a long time. Because if I wasn't ruining my life, was I really an alcoholic? Well yes, I am. It took me reading a lot of the stories here to realize that. That is the stereotype that people have believed for so long, that I also believed.
I know it's not going to be easy, but I don't want to keep going down this road and have all the things I dread happen. Just because they haven't it doesn't mean they can't or won't if I don't quit.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi Mari - I wish I'd had the sense at 31 to see that I needed to stop. So many terrible things happened to me in the decades since then. I did what you do, drank to enhance or change my feelings or emotions. Not good (pay me now, or pay me later.) It's great that you found SR - these people have helped save my life.
Hello to you, too badlad (great name). Please tell us about yourself so we can help.
Hello to you, too badlad (great name). Please tell us about yourself so we can help.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,055
Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. You have no idea how glad I am that I found this place! I've been doing chores around the house the past hour because out of nowhere I started panicking and wanting a drink so I got busy doing something. I have no way to get alcohol, no car and no booze in the house, so that's good. I'm trying to keep busy in the meantime waiting for it to pass...why does time go by so slow when I feel like this? Sucks...
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 632
I know if I don't stop now I will simply drink more and more until I no longer make decisions based on right or wrong but on when I can drink or not.
Welcome to SR Mari
Ed
Just starting out...
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 110
Welcome to SR, you have found a great place for support! Like you, I was fully functional while drinking heavily several days a week for years and years and years. Just because we're not getting DUIs or missing work or missing baseball games.....doesn't mean there isn't a very real problem to be dealt with .
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,055
Thanks for the welcome and support everyone =) Day 7 today and feeling better than I have in months. I've gotten more accomplished this morning around the house than I have since July!
One day at a time~
One day at a time~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,055
Thanks Deer =) But I'm curious, what is "Sober Time"? I'm looking for it and can't find it! lol
ETA: Never mind, I found it at the top of the page! lol Question, we count our sobriety date from our first day sober right? I took my last drink on Thursday the 13th, so my sobriety date is the 14th correct? That's how I've been counting it...
ETA: Never mind, I found it at the top of the page! lol Question, we count our sobriety date from our first day sober right? I took my last drink on Thursday the 13th, so my sobriety date is the 14th correct? That's how I've been counting it...
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Pam~That makes sense =) My last drink was late on the 13th so the 14th is accurate for me then~
Dave~ Thanks for the welcome. The first week was hard, but it got better as it went along.
Day 8 today =) Last Friday was my first day sober so it's officially been one week! I slept pretty good last night too, so that helps!
Dave~ Thanks for the welcome. The first week was hard, but it got better as it went along.
Day 8 today =) Last Friday was my first day sober so it's officially been one week! I slept pretty good last night too, so that helps!
Moment of Conception
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Planet Tragedy
Posts: 453
Hi Mariposa :-)
Welcome and good luck.
It took me 20yrs years to admit to myself i am an alcoholic, its a tough one to swallow, but having made the decision and accepting it remains one of the best things ive done yet. Same will apply to you im sure ;-)
Welcome and good luck.
It took me 20yrs years to admit to myself i am an alcoholic, its a tough one to swallow, but having made the decision and accepting it remains one of the best things ive done yet. Same will apply to you im sure ;-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,055
Day 9 today =) I feel really good today. My Mom stopped by a while ago and I told her how I'd been struggling. I told her I didn't tell her anything because I didn't want to disappoint her. You know what she told me? "Baby, you could never disappoint me. I"m always here for you" Can I just say I love my Mom more than words can ever express?
I'm more determined now than ever to live my life to the fullest, without alcohol. To feel my emotions and deal with them as they come, not hide behind a bottle. I have so many blessings in my life, it's time I let go of the past and embraced what God has given me~
I'm more determined now than ever to live my life to the fullest, without alcohol. To feel my emotions and deal with them as they come, not hide behind a bottle. I have so many blessings in my life, it's time I let go of the past and embraced what God has given me~
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