Top 10 signs that you are an alcoholic
 

I always had a hard time saying I was an alcoholic.. I compiled this list based on my own experiences to remind me I need some work..

1. You wake up with mysterious rug burns on your forehead
2. There is nothing regular about your bowels
3. Opening fedex packages at your door is always a "surprise"
4. Your keyboard always has splashes of (insert favorite drink here)
5. You vaguely remember thinking, "I may be drinking too much"
6. You wake up and your underwear is on backwards
7. You can't remember any of your dreams
8. You wonder why you always have flu like symptons in the morning
9. You spend more money on booze than on food
10. The dude at the liquor store greets you by first name

When I see how my life is affected by booze, it sometimes makes me chuckle and think.. How dumb am I?

Anyway, hopefully this put a smile on your face for the day. Good luck everyone.

Guywithpie

Hehe guy. Thanks for the smile this morning!
I walked into one of my old liquor stores a couple of weeks ago for cigarettes. The guy had not seen me in 6 months and was very worried about me. How scary is that! The liquor store owner is worried about me! lmao.

Know what i don't miss? Trying to desperately remember what I had promised my kids the night before and who I had drunk dialed!

Yeah - I can relate. The other day the owner of the liquor store told me that he was glad to see that I wasn't drinking. He said that I drank too much on my days off work. I had to laugh when I left the store. I drank too much every day, he only saw me on my days off. I had a whole circuit of liquor stores I went to each week. Yeah, I was fooling everybody, not....
only myself.

Good one!.. I forgot about drunk dialing..

The stuff I ordered off the internet!! I used to get them delivered to where I worked and I hadn't a clue what I had bought.

Also, never knowing what was going on in Desperate Housewives - it's not exactly a challenging story line, lol!!

Coming home in the dead of winter without your shoes!! And having to go back to your neighbours house the next morning to find them.

Red wine all over my books, including the AA Big Book!

Trying to do Sodukhu when you couldn't even see where the grid was!!

I still have a redwine stain on my bedroom wall, and I have no idea how it got there. Going to redecorate over the Christmas holidays when I get some time off.

Lost butterfly.. your internet statement is exactly what I was talking about on number 3..!!!

I miss my surprise packages - not so much the bills that came with them tho!!

Lost - I used to go nuts bidding on things I didn't want or need (or remember) on ebay.
WTF - Paying for some of that stuff was painful. But I would do it again and again and again.

I went with a friend (drunk) to pick up a puppy FOR HER and I ended up coming home with one also. I woke up in the morning and had to piece it all together and thought "Oh S--- what did I do"

In response to #6:

I woke up once with my underwear on SIDEWAYS. Also...it wasn't my underwear (and thus not the right size)!!!

dion.. that... is funny..

Could have been worse.. you could have woke up with soarin highs new puppy with your underwear on him..

Makes you wonder what you were up to the night before, and who with? I mean, who would put their underwear on you and not even bother to do it properly???!!

Some friends and I snuck into a hotel pool one night and swam around in our underwear. I dove in.....the shallow end...and had to be rushed to the emergency room in my underwear...duh....big 'ole goose egg on my forehead...lucky I can still walk!

That's odd. I'm an alcoholic and none of those ever happened to me...

LMAO!! Drunk dialing and texting.... the worst! I would start reading my text messages and then stop and just say out loud..."oh my God, oh my God" then eventually read the entire message then start to justify, rationalize, etc.
Finding huge dents in my car no remembering what happened or my car NOT in my garage and trying to remember where it was......uhhh, that was a terrible feeling.
I can relate to the red wine on my AA book. I went to an AA meeting drunk, got my desire chip, flirted with the cute guy next to me and then ended up at the treatment center with him the next day..lol we are still sober and good friends :)

I had a whole network of liquor stores too. I remember one day the clerk at one of them told me that they took bets on how much I was going to buy that day. I was so mad at him that I seriously debated calling his boss!

So sad...

Reading this thread bought back lots of memories and made me smile. Thank you. Grateful Heart

A few from the late great wino-joe

questions to ask if your an alcoholic..

Has the roof of your mouth ever been sunburn?

Have you ever got a DWI from the backseat of a car?

I would just sit surfing the internet for hours and hours, especially Wikipedia. Just looking at the most bizarre things while i just drank and drank.

I also used to watch movies and every single morning not remember how it ended (or started in some cases!!!)

RE No10...

The dude at the store calls you by first name and takes your brass with big cheesy smile... ":-p"