soarinhigh

A bunch of girls and I are going to get together for dinner tonight. This is NOT going to be a drunk fest however there will be wine and drinks on the table. I am not sure if I should go because of that reason. My only friend that knows about my recovery told me to go and said she isn't going to drink either. I feel bad cuz I know she's doing that for my sake. She's not an alcoholic by any means and she shouldn't deny herself a glass of wine with her meal because of me. I really want to join them and i am angry this is even an issue. I cannot isolate myself because alcohol is EVERYWHERE and I need to get used to that.

Dean62

You should feel good you have a friend like that who is willing to support you not bad. It's hard in early sobriety to be around drinking and not really a good idea but there will be a time that this won't be an issue you for you anymore.

A couple of months ago I was at a birthday party watching a football game on tv. Everyone else was drinking beer around me, the coffee table was full of empty crushed beer cans and a couple of the guys were obviously drunk. I felt completely neutral about the beer, I was there to celebrate a family members birthday. My niece got a pass to get out of treatment for a couple of hours and she had a really hard time with it. Two days later she left the treatment center and has been using ever since.

Sorry for the long story. This stuff does get easier in recovery and you are right, you cannot isolate yourself from alcohol. Time and good recovery will make it all happen for you.

tennis71

It is difficult to avoid advertisements but you can avoid situations where alcohol will be within reach. In early sobriety it is a good idea to avoid those situations and I would suggest giving yourself more sober time before you go out with people that are drinking.

Remember that a relapse can start with one simple thought like "She's not an alcoholic by any means and she shouldn't deny herself a glass of wine with her meal because of me."

It will progress to "poor me, why can't I drink" and that will escalate to "I can have just one." That is how "poor me" quickly becomes "pour me another," and if you are an alcoholic like me, you know how that is going to end.

Also, I would take Dean's story to heart, if you are an alcoholic then it will be easier for your friend to not drink that it will be for you.

If after all of this you are still set on going - then what is your escape plan?

Good luck with whatever you decide and thanks for posting.

Taking5

Nonalcoholics do not feel slighted by not drinking, so you needn't worry about that, but you should consider not going if you can.

LouLou629

HI! I have been where you are alot, and it does get easier but I was sober last year for three months and I know the reason I fell of the sobriety wagon was because I didnt give myself the time and space needed away from those social outings, be it at the club with girlfriends all getting drunk or a casual dinner with a bottle of wine, I was so quick to "prove" I could do it sober and still have fun..well, although I could fake it pretty well deep down i was so uncomfortable and festering resentments I eneded up drinking..now a year later..and again three months sobriety behind me, I am way more picky choosy about my attendance at social outings where booze its around...If you are going out to dinner, and your company drinks some wine or cocktails, but the soul purpose of your getting together is for good conversation and good food..that kind of takes the heat off ayou can still participate and have fun..I was the type of alchoholic however who took any opportunity to get drunk so a casual dinner with friends who would have one or two and be fine, while I was wasted by the time dinner even came, left me feeling especially akward to do such a simple thing in sobriety ...I guess all my rambling is just to say that you are the only one who can guage whats okay for you...the most important thing is your sobriety..and so if other people like your friend who loves you offers to also not drink, dont feel bad..she is obviously trying to show support and help you feel less uncomfortable..she probably doesnt think anything else of it beyond just supporting you...now that aside, if you feel like going would still be to tempting as far as drinking..DO NOT GO and DO NOT ever feel guilty about "flaking out" when your sobriety is in jeopardy..if you feel like going and playing it by ear do so, and try to make the most out of it and see what happens..enjoy a deliscious appetizer and an iced tea, and a great meal with friends and good conversatiuon, and especially enjoy remembering it all, and waking up feeling good tomorrow and not hungover..look at it as if you are simply taking care of yourself and your body and mind... Good luck

tommyk

Good luck!

Activities such as you've mentioned will help you determine where the priorities in your life truly lie.

Everyone is different, we each blaze our own trail.

hope3

Have a back up plan, if you don't

feel comfortable, or an urge coming--get out...

hope3

soarinhigh

Thank everyone for the advice. I did go and I did not drink. I suffered from a headache from the time I got there to now and I am mentally exhausted (it wasnt easy). You would think I would be proud of myself but instead I feel sad almost. I get a 2 week break from being in that situation then comes Thanksgiving which is at my house and most of my family drinks. Hopefully I will wake up in the morning and be happier with the decision I made.

Pam08

I am proud of you Soarin..that was alot early in recovery. You will see that in time,

Pelican

I'm glad you made it through another day sober!
Hopefully, you feel better today.

Tazman53

I have never regretted not drinking................. but I damn sure have had many regrets due to drinking!

Look at it that way soarin. The longer I have been sober, the more aware I have become of how many people do not drink or only have a drink or 2. I do not miss drinking at all, when I first got sober I did, but I was in early recovery, kind of like breaking up with some one, for a long time I think about all the good things about them, but with time I become more aware of why we broke up.