kuljey

I have been dating a drug addict for over 1 yr now. Our relationship has been a awful roller coaster. I have been in counseling now and finding out i am codependent. I of course love the addict (he used meth for years and went to rehab in another state for 2 months. when he got out he was smoking marijuana and drinking only. eventually he says the stress of things pushed him to use other drugs, drink hard liquor and use meth several times again) who is going away for 6 months to a residential treatment center. He had add and bipolar (apparently from the drugs.) He is in jail right now till he leaves for treatment (identity theft.) I have never dated an addict and dont know what to expect. He can be soooo mean, then at times he is nice. I do believe he loves me, but i do see he is a sick person. Not knowing what to expect after a 6 mo long treatment is scary. We will have very limited communication, mostly via mail. Im sad at what may be the only thing i can do (i have 2 young children and his verbal abuse in front of them is something i wish to not tolerte any longer) is leave.

Any thoughts or advice is appreciated.

Yvonne

lostbutterfly

((Yvonne)) I was in the same situation, loved a heroin addict who then became an alcoholic. I landed up being an addict and alcoholic too, but I don't blame him (anymore, lol!)

I had two young children and we had a child together. Also, lovely and a mean b*stard, all in the same person. Eventually, things got violent, and the police kicked him out. Things have been pretty nasty ever since.

Now I talk to my kids, I realise how unhappy they were with all the fighting. And it wore me down to the point I believed it all. And the excuse was always that it was the drink talking.

That relationship nearly destroyed me, it has taken over 3 years to get myself remotely back on track. Pop over to the family and friends forum - there are so many going through the same thing.

My advice, if you want it, is let go, leave. You can't fix him, but you can stop him breaking you and your family. He has to get better on his own, if he wants to.

tommyk

He has to get better on his own, if he wants to.

Aysha

I really dont know what to say except look out for you and your kids.
Nothing is going to change until he ..Himself makes the efforts.
Until then. Your just going to keep going through it.

four812

hi kuljey

like chinyta said, it's hard to say without knowing you and your boyfriend. only what i just read is what I know.

keep an open mind and perhaps you can take a good look inside at yourself and your relationship. perhaps writing some things down on paper.

take care and thanks for sharing

mle-sober

Hi Kuljey -

Welcome to SR.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but if I were you, I would take the time that your boyfriend is away and think only about you and your children. I don't think I would be a couple with him.

If he comes back and has changed drastically and wants to start a relationship again, then you could evaluate it at that time on its own merits.

There are too many things that are unknown at this point. You are not married to him and he is not the father of your children (presumably?). If he recovers from his addiction, he will be a very different person. If he doesn't recover from his addiction, he is not really a suitable boyfriend, it sounds like. Why put your life on hold while he recovers or doesn't recover?

That's just my two cents.

kuljey

Gosh what you have to all say sounds so reasonable and sounds like its something i will have to do. Getting myself treatment for being codependant i am workin on having healthy relationships (family, friends, work, BF,) be happy and be a god mom. Being a lifelong codependent person i have alot to work on. Yvonne