Ready to stop
 

I've been drinking 6-12 drinks almost daily for the past 3 years. Before that was the typical college binge drinking. I use alcohol to combat loneliness and drown out all the day's stress. I cannot control it anymore.

There are several alcoholics in my extended family, most of them recovering. In my generation alone, two others have been hospitalized for alcohol abuse. I should've known better.

I've had a lot of "last straw" moments over the years. Sometimes I'd manage to quit drinking for a few weeks or months, but always came back.

I've got a long-term girlfriend that I love and live with and want to marry. She's tried to help me, but I've thrown that away. I got drunk last night, as usual, and came to work today probably still drunk. She e-mailed me to tell me there was vomit in my bed. I didn't believe her. I don't remember anything and didn't even notice this morning. I spent the rest of the day trying not to be sick in front of my boss.

I can rationalize a million reasons to buy alcohol every day. Sometimes it's simply because I'm pumping gas or buying groceries. Sometimes it's because I want to erase a genuinely bad day. Ironically, most bad days start with a hangover.

As I strip away the excuses, I realize I drink because I don't know how to cope will stress or spend my free time healthily. I've always been introverted. Drinking is another way for me to internalize and escape problems. I've forgotten how to enjoy myself without hurting myself. I've replaced my old friends and interests with getting drunk, and I don't know how to be me again.

I get upset thinking about the time (in my 20's) and health I've squandered. But at the same time, anger and regret cannot be my motivation. I would turn to AA, but I'm shy and not religious so it's hard for me to accept AA's terms. That's how I ended up seeking out this site.

Anyway, I guess this makes day 1. It already feels good to get all this off my chest.

Welcome and keep sharing...For me I found that I held the keys to my own cell...so do you. Day one...a very good day indeed!

Hi and Welcome,

This is a great place to come for support.

I think what you are finding, is that alcoholism is a symptom of the problems in one's life. For me, I had never learned to cope with my feelings or emotions and I used alcohol to self-medicate.

There is hope and as you said, there's little to be gained by regretting what has happened. Focus on what you can do today to stay sober.

I'm in my 40's, I squandered 27 years of time and health away to the disease of alcoholism. It's not too late to have a great life, and it's possible to do it without drinking another drop of alcohol. I used AA but I can understand your thoughts on it. My only suggestion would be to have a plan for your recovery. Something, anything, it's just very difficult to do alone.

Welcome to SR, this is a wonderful place to begin.

Congratulations on deciding that you want a better life without alcohol. I'm newly sober and I've gotten loads of support from this site. Even though I just wrote a post complaining about AA, it really isn't as scary as you might think. If you go, just listen--you don't have to share. No one will pressure you. They're just happy that you're there. I was so scared to go to my first AA meeting. I told myself that no one there knew why I was there and that for all they knew, I was writing a paper on AA. BTW, I'm an athiest so I get where you're coming from.

If you start out by going to open speaker meetings, you don't have to participate at all. Just sit back, relax, and listen. Although God is mentioned, AA is actually more a spiritual than religious program. The disease of alcoholism doesn't discriminate, and neither does AA.

Once you become more comfortable at meetings, you can branch out and try other meeting formats. But, there is no need to rush your recovery process...AA has been around a long time, and I doubt it's going anywhere.

I just read ClimbingUp's post, and it's gratifying to see her already sharing her experience, strength, and hope with another newcomer. :c033: That is one of the important tenets of AA...and, it works.

After many years of sobriety through AA, I'm no longer able to attend regular meetings...so, Sober Recovery has now become my connection with other alcoholics. Please continue to read/post here...I wish you well in your recovery.

:wave:
Welcome....this can be the last time you experience
a hangover. Congratullations on chooseing a new
healthy sober way of life!
:)

Please check out this link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Blessings to you and your lady

I too am in my 20s and have already lost WAY too much due to my alcoholism. I can definitely relate to drinking to relieve stress, fears, etc... pretty much any emotion. But we alcoholics can rationalize anything, ya know? It sounds like you have a girlfriend that cares about you a lot - that's wondeful.

AA is not for everyone, I understand that. I just recently started going about 3 weeks ago and it is the reason I am sober today. That, and my sponsor. Before writing it off, I would consider attending one meeting. While there is a great deal of mentioning the "higher power", your higher power can be anything - karma, a rock, the sun... seriously, anything. Also, you can just sit in a meeting and not say anything. There is never any pressure to share. Maybe you could give a counselor if you are still unsure about AA?

The thing is, we don't have to live this way. We don't ever have to pick up a drink again. I wish you the best and hope you continue coming back.

Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here. I, like Astro, am in my
40s and wish I would have begun seeking sobriety in my 20s! Take this Day 1 and run with it!!

There are lots of alternatives to AA, but don't write it off because of shyness or lack of religion. I was a mess going to my first meeting, but after I got there, it was such a blessed relief to be in a room of people who "got it". They understood, they had been were I was (and much further down the path of the ugliness that is progressive alcoholism) and now they were sober, happy, and mainly healthy! That right there was enough for me to want more.

I am a religious and a spiritual person, so I did not have the concern there that you do, but I don't see "religion" being forced on anyone at the meetings. And as they say, you can always "take what you need and leave the rest".

Good luck!

(((needtochange)))

Welcome to SR! :) I second Carol's suggestion in reading the excerpts from "Under the Influence". I received the link to that thread when I began my journey and it was EXTREMELY helpful. I am in the process of ordering the book as are so many other newcomers. I wish you all the best and hope you will stick around and benefit from all the support that is here at SR! :)