I have to stop
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 10
I have to stop
Hi,
First post here. I have been drinking almost daily for the past 9 years (don't think I ever took a whole week off) and taking painkillers for the last 4 years and I have to stop. I'll drink 8 to 10 drinks a night, starting while I'm driving home some nights, and take whatever perscription pain meds I can get my hands on.
What kicked me into this cycle was a torn ACL and repair that lead me to have a degenerative/arthritic knee which made me give up judo, a sport that I was put on this earth to do/participate in. I've tried to replace judo with other things but it never works out. I started drinking to escape I think and now I'm hooked. To not drink for a few days is tough. On weekends I'll make several stops @ the liquor store. It's messed up.
The thing that put me over the edge is last night I came home after work and after another Dr apt @ lunch to drain my f---ed up knee and get an injection of an oily substance to lubricate the knee. I'm only 41. I always get pissed when I have to take the needle. My girl wasn't home so i took a vicodin, had 5 beers and 1/2 bottle of wine. Now she came home a couple of hours later to find me all messed up. My ****** habbit is the only thing that causes problems between us and I honestly feel that she is the absolutey the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm going to screw this up too (like my 9 year marriage that ended 2 years ago) if I don't stop.
I have messed up my life with alcohol - I have to stop it!
That's my story.
First post here. I have been drinking almost daily for the past 9 years (don't think I ever took a whole week off) and taking painkillers for the last 4 years and I have to stop. I'll drink 8 to 10 drinks a night, starting while I'm driving home some nights, and take whatever perscription pain meds I can get my hands on.
What kicked me into this cycle was a torn ACL and repair that lead me to have a degenerative/arthritic knee which made me give up judo, a sport that I was put on this earth to do/participate in. I've tried to replace judo with other things but it never works out. I started drinking to escape I think and now I'm hooked. To not drink for a few days is tough. On weekends I'll make several stops @ the liquor store. It's messed up.
The thing that put me over the edge is last night I came home after work and after another Dr apt @ lunch to drain my f---ed up knee and get an injection of an oily substance to lubricate the knee. I'm only 41. I always get pissed when I have to take the needle. My girl wasn't home so i took a vicodin, had 5 beers and 1/2 bottle of wine. Now she came home a couple of hours later to find me all messed up. My ****** habbit is the only thing that causes problems between us and I honestly feel that she is the absolutey the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm going to screw this up too (like my 9 year marriage that ended 2 years ago) if I don't stop.
I have messed up my life with alcohol - I have to stop it!
That's my story.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us!
It sounds to me like you are on a dangerous path and I'm glad you recognize that you need to stop. I believe that drinking/drugs is a symptom for underlying problems. I think you understand that you need to do something to fill the space in your life that your sport was taking up. Don't give up looking for something. Keep your mind open. You can live and happy and fulfilling life!
I'm glad you found us!
It sounds to me like you are on a dangerous path and I'm glad you recognize that you need to stop. I believe that drinking/drugs is a symptom for underlying problems. I think you understand that you need to do something to fill the space in your life that your sport was taking up. Don't give up looking for something. Keep your mind open. You can live and happy and fulfilling life!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community
You are really lucky...mixing pain meds with alcohol
is so very dangerous.
Being dually addicted...it is extremely important
you have a talk with your doctor before abruptly quitting....
you need to be both safe and sober
Please keep posting with us...glad you are here ...
You are really lucky...mixing pain meds with alcohol
is so very dangerous.
Being dually addicted...it is extremely important
you have a talk with your doctor before abruptly quitting....
you need to be both safe and sober
Please keep posting with us...glad you are here ...
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
As Carol suggests, see a doctor as soon as you can and be TOTALLY honest about the drinking and the pills. Then listen to what your doctor tells you, I would also encourage you to check out AA or NA for support from people who have been where you are at now and found a way out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 4
I can completely relate to being injured and giving up something you love.
I broke my back twice in the last two years from horse related issues. I have been on DR prescribed pain meds while I go through the various procedures fro repair. While I can still ride I feel depressed every time I look out my back door and see my horses. I have been told not to ride but I in my mind can still do it, but due to the pain killers have lost interest in everything I have ever loved. I would rather lay in bed than go out and ride.
I am only 32 and have the degen arth in my spine. I think alot of the self medicating I do is part of the anger that this hapened to me and effected something I loved. I am not supposed to be in this poor condition at my age, its depressing to think that what I have done to myself by participating in something I love has made my older than my years....
BUT I have realized this can happen to anyone and some people make it through and are able to go back. I look at people who are missing limbs and still doing what they love and it inspires me. There is hope!
I feel for you and I look forward to reading how you are doing and admire your courage in deciding to make changes.
I broke my back twice in the last two years from horse related issues. I have been on DR prescribed pain meds while I go through the various procedures fro repair. While I can still ride I feel depressed every time I look out my back door and see my horses. I have been told not to ride but I in my mind can still do it, but due to the pain killers have lost interest in everything I have ever loved. I would rather lay in bed than go out and ride.
I am only 32 and have the degen arth in my spine. I think alot of the self medicating I do is part of the anger that this hapened to me and effected something I loved. I am not supposed to be in this poor condition at my age, its depressing to think that what I have done to myself by participating in something I love has made my older than my years....
BUT I have realized this can happen to anyone and some people make it through and are able to go back. I look at people who are missing limbs and still doing what they love and it inspires me. There is hope!
I feel for you and I look forward to reading how you are doing and admire your courage in deciding to make changes.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: London UK
Posts: 36
Hey TheNeed, Glad you are here. If you can, try and log on at least once a day, even if only briefly. It's a simple piece of advice that may change, and even save, your life. It's certainly is for me. Anyway, welcome. Be strong.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 862
You need to work on one, then the other... I guarantee you if you stop both drinking and taking painkillers simultaneously you're going to have more problems than you can lay your hands on. Give up the one that's causing you the most trouble first, then when you feel ready, give up the other. I would definitely consult a doctor though, because this is a bad situation to be in. I would also recommend a psychologist too to deal with your unfortunate inability to participate in the martial arts. Stay strong, brother.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Welcome to Sober Recovery...
AS others have said taking medication and drinking is very dangerous...I understand your situation because in the past I had a serious operation that changed my life...I am considered disabled...I handled my presciption use wisely during the first two months and then it all changed..I became addicted to OXYCONTIN...A pain care center put me on Percocet and I used 240 of them each month...Things got really bad when I would run out of my script in a week...I then started drinking heavy to kill time until my next script...
In the end I was abusing alcohol and painkillers both at the same time....I nearly killed myself and ended up in the hospital..
What helped me to rid myself of these addictions was first rehab...I then joined AA and found SR...This changed my life as I have been sober just over sixteen months...
I am happy you found us, keep posting, and congrats on day two...:ghug
AS others have said taking medication and drinking is very dangerous...I understand your situation because in the past I had a serious operation that changed my life...I am considered disabled...I handled my presciption use wisely during the first two months and then it all changed..I became addicted to OXYCONTIN...A pain care center put me on Percocet and I used 240 of them each month...Things got really bad when I would run out of my script in a week...I then started drinking heavy to kill time until my next script...
In the end I was abusing alcohol and painkillers both at the same time....I nearly killed myself and ended up in the hospital..
What helped me to rid myself of these addictions was first rehab...I then joined AA and found SR...This changed my life as I have been sober just over sixteen months...
I am happy you found us, keep posting, and congrats on day two...:ghug
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
TheNeed,
I'm so glad you're here. And like others have urged, I sincerely hope you are getting medical advice with quitting your adictions.
Finding sobriety has been an utterly life-changing experience for me. And the tremulous first hours, days, and weeks were so mind-bogglingly hard that I couldn't sometimes actually belive I was doing it.
I did a 12-week outpatient clinic, logged in daily (usually multiple times) at SR, went to cognitive therapy and attended 2-3 AA meetings a week. Essentially, I gave my life over to recovery. I made it the most important thing in my life.
I'm just telling you this because I know you are at the very beginning of a difficult journey. And we are here for you. And we know how hard it is. Looking back, I feel like I was truly heroic in the beginning. And I say that without an ounce of shame. That's what it took for me.
You sound deeply committed and I applaud that.
You also sound (forgive me if I'm out of line) angry. Angry that you are isolated from doing something you love. Angry that you find yourself prematurably incapacitated by your knee injury. Angry at the treatments that you are being offered to relieve your injury. Angry that you have to give up the substances that used to relieve your distress. Angry at yourself for hurting your daughter. And angry at yourself because you feel you have made a mess of things.
For me (and I know it is different for each of us) I couldn't experience a relief from the anger until I had surrendered, totally and absolutely surrendered, to the knowledge that I was powerless over my alcoholism.
My anger fostered my belief that I could manage my drinking. That somehow, I could control it, handle it, excuse it, hide it, contain it, and continue it. I had to realize that I could do none of the above and that I was without the necessary tools to receive releif from my alcoholism. That I had to get help.
Once I let go and surrendered to that, I felt a lightening of the anger that I had been encased in.
It doesn't happen to you and it doesn't happen overnight. For me, I had to crave sobriety more than I craved alcohol before I was brave enough to move forward. But once that happened, there was a dramatic shift in my life that changed the direction of my path entirely.
I am writing this to you just to share that it is possible. It really is. Even though it seems awful and murky right now. You can do this. We are here for you. And we are on your side now. All of us. I'm glad you're here.
I'm so glad you're here. And like others have urged, I sincerely hope you are getting medical advice with quitting your adictions.
Finding sobriety has been an utterly life-changing experience for me. And the tremulous first hours, days, and weeks were so mind-bogglingly hard that I couldn't sometimes actually belive I was doing it.
I did a 12-week outpatient clinic, logged in daily (usually multiple times) at SR, went to cognitive therapy and attended 2-3 AA meetings a week. Essentially, I gave my life over to recovery. I made it the most important thing in my life.
I'm just telling you this because I know you are at the very beginning of a difficult journey. And we are here for you. And we know how hard it is. Looking back, I feel like I was truly heroic in the beginning. And I say that without an ounce of shame. That's what it took for me.
You sound deeply committed and I applaud that.
You also sound (forgive me if I'm out of line) angry. Angry that you are isolated from doing something you love. Angry that you find yourself prematurably incapacitated by your knee injury. Angry at the treatments that you are being offered to relieve your injury. Angry that you have to give up the substances that used to relieve your distress. Angry at yourself for hurting your daughter. And angry at yourself because you feel you have made a mess of things.
For me (and I know it is different for each of us) I couldn't experience a relief from the anger until I had surrendered, totally and absolutely surrendered, to the knowledge that I was powerless over my alcoholism.
My anger fostered my belief that I could manage my drinking. That somehow, I could control it, handle it, excuse it, hide it, contain it, and continue it. I had to realize that I could do none of the above and that I was without the necessary tools to receive releif from my alcoholism. That I had to get help.
Once I let go and surrendered to that, I felt a lightening of the anger that I had been encased in.
It doesn't happen to you and it doesn't happen overnight. For me, I had to crave sobriety more than I craved alcohol before I was brave enough to move forward. But once that happened, there was a dramatic shift in my life that changed the direction of my path entirely.
I am writing this to you just to share that it is possible. It really is. Even though it seems awful and murky right now. You can do this. We are here for you. And we are on your side now. All of us. I'm glad you're here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 10
Thx mle-sober (and everyone else who replied) -
You are correct with most of the things you pointed out - I've got a lot of pent up anger and that is part of what kicked me into this cycle. You refered to me as having a daughter - I don't have one. I refered to my girlfriend as "my girl" in my initial post - maybe you thought I was refering to a daughter.
I think I can get off of everything without the help of a Dr. Just being my 2nd day everything is becoming really clear - like my mind. I know I've missed a good number of opportunities @ work for promotions and opportunities in life with the over use/addiction of alcohol and (to a lesser extent)drugs. I know I have to keep moving forward.
It's so strange - music sounded so good this morning and it hasn't in a good while.
thx again.
You are correct with most of the things you pointed out - I've got a lot of pent up anger and that is part of what kicked me into this cycle. You refered to me as having a daughter - I don't have one. I refered to my girlfriend as "my girl" in my initial post - maybe you thought I was refering to a daughter.
I think I can get off of everything without the help of a Dr. Just being my 2nd day everything is becoming really clear - like my mind. I know I've missed a good number of opportunities @ work for promotions and opportunities in life with the over use/addiction of alcohol and (to a lesser extent)drugs. I know I have to keep moving forward.
It's so strange - music sounded so good this morning and it hasn't in a good while.
thx again.
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