Hejlena

I feel ashamed that I'm here posting the same crying sob story I did a month ago. I haven't been drinking yet today, but I'm really afraid right now. I've been drinking every day, progressively more, since mid-August. For the last week or so, it has been upwards of a liter and a half of wine just to get drunk. Last night I had a liter and a half of wine and a small bottle of bacardi.

I am shakey, sick to my stomach, and have raged so badly at my kids this morning that I have now left them upstairs watching TV so that I can be down here crying.

I want to stop. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I really don't.

I really feel like I need inpatient treatment, but I am afraid to do that with a three and a two year old who need me. I know it will be better in the long run, but what would be the psychological consequences on them if I went to inpatient?

Can someone talk to me about this, please?

Thanks. Lena

Anna

Hi Lena,

I'm glad you posted.

This disease is an awful disease and as you are finding, it's progressive. It gets worse, unless we stop it.

If you can do inpatient treatment, that would be great. Any kind of treatment program would likely help. The main thing to know, is that you can do this. Make a promise to yourself to not drink today and that is a first step.
It's a move to get out of the vicious cycle that we find ourselves in, when are addicted.

least

Inpatient treatment can be a wonderful start to a sober life. Do you have family or friends who could care for your kids? Please explore every possibility. This is for your good as well as for your kids. You want to get better for them as well as for yourself.

You can get and stay sober if you take it one day at a time. It took me about six months to become addicted to alcohol. It took me about six months to actually get serious about sobriety. I relapsed over and over but here I am today with 115 days sober. YOu can too!

Come here often. Post your feelings. Read the different forums. We are here to support you in your recovery.

Welcome to a great place to begin a new and better life! I'm glad you're here!

:ghug3

I would also suggest you call the AA hotline in your area. They can help you start a sober life.

dancinggirl

Hey sweetie....so glad you posted!!! I have three kids by myself, an 8 yr old, a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old. While I couldn't go into an in-patient program, that didn't mean that I couldn't do other things! I went to AA meetings, I immersed myself in this site, I spoke with my doctor, I told my family, etc., etc.. There are lots of ways to stop drinking NOW and number one is to talk to your doctor! There is a big physical component that can happen when coming off alcohol, one that your doctor should be able to help you with.

The important thing is that you understand that this is no way to live...that this isn't healthy for you or your kids...that you want to stop this madness. And you absolutely CAN DO THIS!!!! You absolutely never have to go through this again!!!

Keep posting hon, we're here!

CarolD

Have you consulted with your doctor about the
best way for you to safely de tox from alcohol?

Inpatient would be a good idea...but many of us did
not go that route...and we did quit drinking.

I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly....
You might want to not keep alcohol at home
I found if it was there...I drank it...

Keep posting....we do understand...

David69

Hello and glad you found SR again. At least you have recognized and acknowledged your problem which is a big first step. If you honestly think you need in-patient treatment perhaps you should consider it. Are there family members where your kids would be safe staying for a few weeks? I know it would be a very difficult decision (being a father of 3 I would have a hard time with that one) but if you think it is best....it just might be. Only you can make the final decision on your recovery path.....and what it best for your family. Good luck and best wishes with your struggles.

Tazman53

Lena if at all possible set up an inpatient rehab as soon as you can. Your kids are only 2 & 3 now, yes it will be upsetting to have thier mom gone for a while, but trust me you do not want them to have the memories mine have of me, my youngest were 15 when I got sober, they had lost all respect for me, they would avoid having friends over while I was at home because they did not want thier friends to see that thier dad was a drunk. When I would get home they headed for the hills because they could not stand to be around me.

Do it now while you can give them a sober mom for the rest of their lifes rather then do like I did and leave them with a few formative years of a sober dad following 15 years of a drunk father.

The sooner you get sober the easier it will be, the longer you wait the harder it will be.

Why not make the arrangements for the inpatient rehab and go to AA meetings until you actually go into the rehab?

Astro

Sounds like a pattern I followed for a long time. I still shudder when I think about screaming at my children.

You've had lots of great advice so far, I can't add any more. I do agree that a treatment program or any plan for recovery is almost a necessity, it's difficult if not impossible to do it alone. I got out of my hole by going to AA, and continue to stay active in that program.

What I do want to share is the hope that you can be an amazing parent, better than you ever dreamed of being, but it starts with making a commitment to sobriety and not taking another drink again. It was difficult for me, but the rewards flow in each day when I hold my children and hold back the tears of joy over the life and love we share now.

Recovery put a stop to my insanity, and gave me a life I never imagined having when I was active in my disease. Living without another drink is possible, but it takes effort and commitment every day.

Thanks2HP

Lena,

I agree with the other folks, go to an in-patient program if at all possible, out-patient if not. I would also suggest going to AA or NA meetings in the interim. My experience has been that while going to treatment helps a lot of people, it is the programs of recovery such as NA or AA that enable people to find a new way of living without drugs (Alcohol is a drug).

I've gone to AA for 14 years and to NA for the last two. My gf is in NA and I started going to meetings with her. I realized that while the compulsion to drink was removed, the disease of addiction had manifested itself in other areas of my life. I feel comfortable in either AA or NA and the NA Step Working Guide is an awesome tool, IMHO. AA focuses more on the specific substance of alcohol while NA focuses on the disease of addiction and not the specific substance one is addicted too. Either program will benefit you.

So please, go to meetings, listen to the similarities and not the differences.... get a sponsor and start working the steps. Your life will change for the better. That's not to say that life will always be "wonderful" in recovery but it will give you the best chance of being able to live life on life's terms.

I'm so happy for you that you're willing to get help. Please let us know how you are doing. We care!

Peace and Love...