Honu

I went to Paris, and was good, I only had one glass of wine with my dinner.

It was so "Paris", and the food was so good, and the taste of the sips of wine with the meal was probably what wine is meant to be.

So, I did good, while at work.

However, I've been dancing with Baccus, since.

I also have a meeting with my family, for the first time in 11 years, for Thanksgiving.....I am SO SCARED.

I have had a long battle with life after the deaths of my parents, and my only family is my sister.

I feel like a fool.

This is going to be a big deal, and a life changing situation. I am scared to death. Seeing my sister.......I am terrified.

TERRIFIED. TERRIFIED.

So, I've screwed up, and I am scared to death.

Honu

Pelican

Okay, I had to google and it's monday!

Bacchus is the god of wine.

I'm trying to read between the lines, but you need to help me out. You drank more than the one glass of wine?

Help me out with the family struggle....Why are you scared to see your sister at Thanksgiving. If it is that stressful, maybe you should skip it.

I hope you can take some deep breaths and let go of some of your anxiety.
Inhale: Peace
Exhale: Fear

Let us know how we can help you.

Anna

Hi Honu,

Is seeing your sister something that you want to do? If she is your only family, maybe you're trying to reconnect? That's a good thing!

If you don't want to see her and you're being pushed into the situation, then maybe rethink the meeting.

Honu

I drank one glass with my dinner. I came home and am dealing with my sister. So, I am an idiot. I haven't seen her family for 11 years, and am actually going to visit for Thanksgiving. I am terrified of seeing her. Both of my parents are deceased, and she is the only family I have left. However, I don't' trust her. She hurt me deeply.

We have been trying to reconnect, via email, and talking about politics/weather/recipes, etc. Now, I am getting freaked out that I am going to get to know her, to be there, face to face, and no matter what, I don't want to bring up the past. However, I'm still angry, and all I want to do is go away.

I am just scared. She is so judgemental/right winged/whatever......

She would never accept me. She never has. So, if I told her I was an alcoholic, she'd dis-own me.

So, as the idiot that I am, I have now had more wine tonight.

I shouldn't be here, on this forum. I feel like a fool.

How do I deal with her? I miss my family, and she and HER family, is the only thing that I have. I never married and have no kids of my own, and am now menopausal. I just hate it.

I don't know what to do, and if I have crossed lines, please let me know.

Anna

Wow, all I would say is, that early sobriety is a time you need to focus on yourself and do what you need. I had to make a decision about some people in my life that were causing me problems. I think you need to ask yourself if this is the right time to try to reconnect with your sister. Seeing your sister sounds like it's going to be a very emotional time and the fact that she may hurt you again. Of course, I understand that she is your only family.

I am sending prayers and hugs for you Honu.

Honu

Thanks, Anna! I am going, I need to see my niece and 3 nephews.

They were 12, 11, 9 , and 1 when I last saw them. Now they are 23, 22, 18, and 12 years old. I just have to pick my battles, and family is not one. I have decided, to have no discussions of politics nor religion, nor my "life". They wouldn't understand my life.

They would have no tolerance of my addiction.

So, that being said, THANK YOU for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, I am now, going back on the wagon. I have had my wine tonight, however, I know that it is not the solution.

Day One, beginning, AGAIN. Tomorrow.

Honu

Honu

Pelican, thanks!

I love that "inhale/exhale" thing.
It's a long story, you can find some by searching my threads, however, I hope to have good news soon, after Thanksgiving. Family crap is always a trigger.

Hugs to you,

Honu

LosingmyMisery

Will there be alcohol served at TGD dinner?

Honu

Absolutely not.

This family is a total "non-drinking, non-smoking, non-dancing, non-gum chewing, non-swearing"...

No, nothing except for perfection.....

Honju

Pelican

Ahhh, is she the older sister?
I have one of those. Mine is controlling. FYI, my parents are deceased and I only have a brother and sis left. My sis has no children but likes to offer advice on how my brother and I should raise ours. Oui vey!

Focus on your sobriety. One day at a time. Remind yourself of all that you have achieved. Especially your sobriety. Make some notes about all the things you are proud of. Take the notes with you on your visit. If you feel caged, take a few moments alone with your notes. Be good to yourself and keep your chin up.

You can do this!

Honu

Pelican, God Bless You, Thanks for all your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am leaving tomorrow, (work, again) for Germany.

Pray for me there. I'm not only trying to eliminate alcohol, but also trying to diet!...................not a easy thing in Europe..................

And, you just can't stay in your hotel room 24/7...............

Has anyone ever done the travel thing? Sans alcohol?

Honu

Honu

and, yes, she is the older sister......

colagirl

Honu,
You are not an idiot, you're an alcoholic! I do not envy you your traveling... well actually, I really envy you your traveling because I love love love Europe, but it would be really hard for me at this point to go there without drinking any wine. I do have future trips planned there but not for awhile.

I don't know how often you travel there for work... is it still exciting to you to sightsee? I think if I was "forced" to go there right now I would fill up all my free time with sightseeing and getting to know the local culture. You may already be used to it though. Good luck! Oh, and if you're finding the not drinking difficult, I would put off the diet until you get back .

littlefish

Try to find some international AA meetings in Germany. We always have travelers at our meetings in Stockholm. It is a great way to feel less lonely, more settled and centered.....
And, you aren't alone in a strange city!

CarolD

For me to finally quit drinking....regardless of anything
that was happening in my life

I had to want to quit more than I wanted to drink

Perhaps that will also be true for you

four812

awsome thread

keep up the good work HONU

look forward to when you can share some more

least

You CAN do this! Do you want to quit more than you want to drink? That was the key for me. Other thing was; I was so sick of myself and my life. I was afraid of something really awful happening. I didn't want to keep on drinking and find out the hard way what horrible thing was going to happen. So I just stopped. I don't know what was so different about July 14th, but something was just 'different'.

And I"m still sober 114 days later. I was a chronic relapser. I relapsed constantly. I felt like a hopeless loser. But I wasn't hopeless and I wasn't a loser. Neither are you. You CAN stop drinking. Make this your last day one. You can do this. I have faith in you! If I can stay sober, so can anyone!

bostonluv

I don't think you're an idiot and I agree with ColaGirl: you're an alcoholic. I had almost 3 months straight of not drinking and I just picked up and satyed "out" for a over a week. BUT I came back and recomitted myself. It happens. All I can say, I had forgotten how powerful alcohol was and was humbled. After being out reminded me of it's seductive powers. It really will place you back to whatever scared the sh*t out of you in order to get sober the first time. Something happened. Think about that. Really try to get back there and remember why you felt something was really not right with what was happening to you and your life because of alcohol.

As for your sister situation I suggest the book "Irregular People." It's an excellent book about people we all have to keep in our lives; be it family members, co-workers, bosses, etc. and how to deal with them even love them without them shaking us to the core. The perfectionist is listed as a personaility type on her list in this book. It has greatly helped me change my the way interact with people of these sorts. The way you react makes them powerless over you and helps you love them dispite their hurtfulness.

I wish you a beautiful trip to Germany. This could be a real turning point of personal growth for you!

With Love,
Kathleen

Honu

I want to apologize for all my whining yesterday. I feel better today, albiet a bit humiliated. By my weakness, and by the power of alcohol. I am going to do things differently this time. I have dumped out everything in my house. I just can't continue on this roller coaster. It's maddening, and I am exhausted from it all.

Day one, again. God, Please, let this be my last Day One.

Honu

Alive

We're human. We have feelings, fears. If it's by sharing that we overcome them, then let it be.

We love you, hugs