Rebecca4

Throughout my teens and twenties, I never drank really. I hated the way it made me fell panicky the next day.
So why now at the age of 35 when I could do without it do I drink to excess?

Do you know what, I am not worthy of your replies at this moment in time. I am a disappointment.

Please disregard this post

B
x

TTOSBT

Um no, I won't disregard it. You are reaching out and we are here.

You are worthy of so much! Give yourself a chance. Try to not drink tomorrow and every time you get the urge, come here and post SOS. You can do this and you will be amazed how short of a time it takes to get your self worth back!

Latte

I did the same thing. I smoked pot and drank to an excess.

I joined the Coast Guard and quit smoking pot six months before I started really considering doing it because I knew they would drug test me. I drank a little too much occasionally but mostly in a social setting.

I did things I wouldn't have done sober a few times but I met my husband and got married. I still drank occasionally but I was responsible for a child now. I moved to Alaska, had a second daughter and a husband who was never home and the dark and cold got to me. I began abusing perscription medication and when I couldn't get that, alcohol. When I got clean and sober for the last time (it took me a few tries) I was 33.5. I am 35 now.

So I understand.

kinpaul90

Too right we are not going to disregard this post, how many time have all of us here felt the same way, it's to be expected when we drink this way that it lowers our self esteem to the point that you are experiencing.
Listen to what TTOSBT said above and trust me it will get better, the fact that you came here means that a part of you is fighting for it's existence and that part of you is the one that people here can help to make stronger but you have to want it.
Try not drinking when you are ready but do it carefully, as has been mentioned here many times detoxing can be a dangerous endeavour at first and needs to be done in a controlled manner sometimes even with medical intervention, don't let this put you off though as most of us have gone through it and come out the other side.
I promise if you take this path you will be amazed at how quickly you start to feel just that bit better, it isn't an easy route by no means of the word but the rewards you will receive for making that step are unbeleivable.

Good luck and keep posting.

CarolD

This link explained to me why I am an alcoholic

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I specifically mean the information about my brain and
liver enzymes incorrectly processing alcohol.
Wow! I was not crazy or weak ore hexed...Eureka!

Then I could begin to move forward into sobriety.

We do understand Rebecca....

mtnmagic

It's ok Rebecca. Yes, you are worthy. Very, very worthy.
I have had so many relapses and day ones, I thought I could never, ever
stay sober. But I can and I am and so can you. No judgement at all.

Post /vent/reach out...somebody is always here. Please let us know how you are doing. :ghug3

Dee74

hi Rebecca

I identify with your story too - I didn't drink at all until I was mid 20s - I was always scared of losing control, I never wanted to be one of those people making a fool of themselves...but I relaxed at around 25, I wanted to be normal, and so I started to drink...

Alcoholism is a progressive condition - Carols link explains the science - I just know that, for whatever reason, I cannot drink normally - and haven't been able to since shortly after I started drinking.

As for being a disappointment, I tried for 15 years to either control my drinking, curb it or stop it completely. I failed for 15 years.

I know disappointment and sadness, and rage and fear and despair. I think we all do.
But it is possible to stop.

I drank 24/7 at the end and I stopped - for over 18 months now.

You must already know this place is a great source of help and support.
Please continue to use it

D

espresso

Hi Rebecca, you can get so much support and help from SR so please keep coming Back! I can't answer your question about why you drink to excess but I know my drinking took a downturn big time in my 30s. You are not alone.
:ghug

Anna

I was quite a bit older than you when I started drinking. I never had bothered with drinking, and it never occurred to me, that at that point in my life, I could become an alcoholic. Obviously the denial aspect of the disease was working, even before I started drinking.

Lack of self-worth was the root of my problems.

least

I had a short but brilliant drinking career and I too started drinking in later life - I was 55 when I started drinking wine in the afternoon to make me calm before the kids got home from high school - so I wouldln't fight with them over their attitudes or behaviors. But it turned on me - the wine became the focus of my existance and I became an alcoholic in a matter of months. Last December I knew I had to stop drinking but it took me until mid July to actually stop drinking and STAY sober.

I struggle too with feelings of unworthiness. I was drinking to not feel anything cause my feelings were so awful. Of course drinking made me feel worse but it was hard to give it up. When I finally wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to drink I was able to do it. YOu can too.

Welcome to SR! We're glad you found us!!

:ghug3

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

We are glad you are here. Keeping posting and reading.

I recommend Carol D's link above. I read those excerpts from Under the Influence and bought the book. It helped me on so many levels to understand what years of drinking had done to every part of my body, why I could not control my drinking, and why I could not imagine life without another drink.

You can do this, and we are here to help.

NewDayNow

"Panicky" : That was my life.

You are very worthy. Glad your here

Ed