The box: lessons learned pt.2
 

yet another rambling blogsp entry that I decided to post here.

A loose acquaintance called this morning... Since I've known her, she has always struck me as a very easygoing person, always filled with good natured fun. Out of the blue, and without going into specific details, I took the plunge and told her that I've been feeling very stuck and lacking in motivation lately.

Well, she babbled a lot. But her general suggestion was to be positive, and - in her words - to "think outside the box". Whatever THAT means. But that's exactly her point, I guess.

It's so easy to get swamped - I'm not saying that everyday stuff is unimportant, on the contrary. Those who lead fulfilling, exciting lives tend to be pretty optimistic; they make interesting choices. A lot of them can't afford luxuries or waste, and they're uninterested in cheap thrills and rollercoasters anyway - weekends in Disneyland. Instead, it seems as though they make the most of their lives AND limitations, making every moment count as much as possible; they also go out of their way to be available for others who need the stuff they are willing and able to offer in good faith. Maybe that means setting some goals and being open to alternatives, and letting go of self-defeating attitudes. There are many such people right here, in SR.

My box is pretty easy to spot. Last weekend's relapse ( :crazy ) taught me several lessons. One of them is that I can throw away my efforts, along with all the advice and encouragement I receive, with one reckless stunt. To say that my "relapse" was avoidable is an understatement. In fact, I'm ashamed of it. It was unnecessary and downright gratuitous - never mind risky. My own, selfish Space(ey) Mountain.

Yet it also showed me that something is definitely not working. Maybe I've been inside the box for too long; sobriety isn't a goal in itself. Maybe my definition of a dry drunk is someone who sits inside a box all day. It looks quite obvious... now. I am not downplaying the honest effort involved, but it seems like I spent the past few months basically dancing around that box, gleefully crying "whee, I'm sober, mission accomplished!!".

:day4 TA-DAAA!

That seems egotistic and crazy. I mean, I'm sober again.
Hooray.
Mission accomplished??
Uhm, NO. :waiting

Ah, so. :)

I dont know about you..But I know I definately need an attitude adjustment. And fast.
I am seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full.

This may have nothing to do with what your talkign about..But it got me thinking. that I definately need to do something ALOT different this time.
You already know I feel stuck.
Well its my own fault.
I believe that feeling all comes from my perspective.
Here I go feeling sorry for myself again.
I got lazy yet again with my recovery and waaaay too comfortable in it. Sorta. Or uncomfortable..however you want to look at it. Considering I was nearly homicidal for about a month.
I dont know..now I am ramblin and certainly not tryin to hijack your thread.
But you got me thinking about what I need to do differently this time.
Avoidable...HUGE understatement here as well. All mine would have taken was a quick phone call to cancel my appt.
And a quick jerk of the wheel to the right instead of left and for that moment it would have been avoided.
So..Matty...what is it that your going to do differently?
What will motivate you?
I myself may go out on a limb and drag myself to a meeting.
Even stop denying I have some depression issues and address them instead pretending they dont exist.
Sorry if I went of topic or took it way into left field.
This is just what came to mind reading your post.
You know I got mad love for ya.
There is no doubt in my mind we can do this.
But how?
That is the burning question in m mind.

Matt..

Love it!

"Think outside the box"...

"Get out of yourself"

"Get out of your head"

"Do the next right thing"

Dopey slogans????

They have saved me more than once...

Great share...

:ghug3:

Matt, I love your waffles. :)

When Ajahn Brahm was sick with yellow fever in Thailand, he was elated to see that his teacher of many years, Ajahn Chah, had come to comfort him.

"Brahmavamso!" he said.

Ajahn Brahm was delighted to see his teacher, wondering with high expectation at what words of wisdom and healing his beloved friend would offer him.

"Brahmavamso...," he said again "you're either going to live, or you're going to die." Then he left.

Also, when Jack Kornfield said to Ahjan Cha. 'you don't seem enlightened, you seem very ordinary'. Ahj said, 'good. then you don't see the buddha outside yourself.'
and recovery have got mixed up but that have cos of the 12 steps, I am lucky in that I 'got' buddhist stuff before the 12 steps stuff.

However they are not related, one just helps.

I really like your idea that sobriety isn't a goal in itself, Matt.

Realising that was the key for me - I want to be the best person I can be and live the best life I'm able....I might still be a work in progress LOL but I find drinking or not drinking kinda finds its own perspective, its own level, when I look at it like that.

Kinda like trying to finish the whole jigsaw puzzle rather than just being obsessed with one troublesome piece I guess?

D