Doll

I joined a few months ago when I was quitting. I lasted like 3 or 4 days and then yet again came up with some excuse about how I needed or deserved to drink. I've drank every single day since then, and am just coming out of a 4 day bender. Unfortunately since last time I quit my alcoholism has progressed a little more and I'm having terrible withdrawals. I'm just now able to type again, my hands were shaking so bad. And I had a panic attack upon awakening. This really sucks but I really need to quit. I told myself that I could manage to drink like normal people. Ha. Yeah right. I'm an alcoholic for sure.

I'm scared to go to a meeting though. I'm really shy. My old cure for shyness was drinking though. I don't want to walk in there and have everyone stare at me and wonder why I'm there or think I'm to young to be an alcoholic. I wish I had someone to go with.

SelfSeeking

Hi, Doll I noticed you added "unfortunately" on the thread title, but I'm glad you came back instead of going through this by yourself! It sucks that you're physically withdrawing. There's some stickies about the process of/dangers of withdrawal you might want to read... it can be really dangerous.

I was scared sh!tless of my first AA meeting and truly only went out of desperation. Well, actually, the first one WAS wretched and I relapsed a day later. lol. Uh, but then I did go back a couple weeks later, to a different one, and it was really different and very helpful. The people there gave me a booklet of all the area's meetings and even circled the ones that were "young people's" meetings. It's hard for me to even explain how much f2f AA meetings have helped me. Knowing that other people got through their addiction and came out the other side, and hearing exactly how they did it, is huge.

Best of luck and WB

DWAgain

Hey Doll,
I can totally relate...I had 100+ days before I thought that I honestly could drink like a normal. Ha! I came back with my tail between my legs this weekend. Honestly right now I'm contemplating if I'm going to go get a case of beer for the night. I know I shouldn't, I know there's no reason too, but there's still a part of me that's saying - "what else are you going to do?" I've often thought about going to an AA meeting, but kind of fall into the same boat as yourself. The thought of walking into a bustling room that eerily falls quiet as I walk through the door, with all heads turning to me, kind of freaks me out. Imagining everyone thinking - what's he doing here, he's too young, he doesn't look like an alkie. I know another irrational fear I have that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Just wanted to say - you're not alone.

Rainbowgirl128

i never got to drinking every day because i was always "too scared to become addicted." In my mind addicted meant drinking every day or constantly. But in reality i was addicted to it after my freshman year of college! I quit recently, really recently. I know that getting to day 5 was always really hard for me. I could go four days (like from Sat-Wed) without drinking. but then I would feel so depressed and get such a headache on day four that i would throw my hands up in the air and go out for drinks with my friends despite the promise i had made to myself "never to drink again." As other people will say, take it one day at a time. I was so happy when I finally made it 5 days without drinking that it inspired me to keep going because i had broken the cycle. I havent gone to AA yet for the same reason you described. Good luck getting through the physical withdrawal. What I did during the physical withdrawal was (and this is NOT medical advice btw): laid around in my bed and read posts on this website, ate some ice cream, and took some advil PM to get rid of the bitch of the headache i suffered and to help me sleep.

CarolD

Hi again Doll...
why not ask your best friend to go with you to a meeting?

My AA group has members of all ages...from 17 to 73.
We are glad to see new members ...we do understand
your situation and Yes! we can help you.

DW...not one AA member will cease talking when you
arrive. I've been in meetings when famous people
walked in with bodyguards. ..and the conversations
kept flowing.
Pretend your walking into a new bar...

Look...both of you tried sobriety on your own
and it did not last. Please try something different.

Harley3801

I know. . . walking thru the doors of AA can be the scariest thing in the world, Doll. Is there an AA hotline in your area? If you call and tell them that you want to go to a meeting but you want someone to go with you, they'll probably be able to help.

Please call them. I don't think you'll regret it.:ghug

Mattcake

Welcome back Doll!

There's nothing unfortunate about your return, on the contrary, keep coming back. If anything, I find that drinking only makes anxiety/shyness worse. Are you withdrawing under medical supervision?

Once your withdrawal is over you'll probably be able to address your discomfort in constructive ways. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is very useful to work through shyness. Also, remember that we're all different, some people are more outgoing whereas others tend to be more quiet. Personally, I find shyness quite endearing

There's no such thing as being "too young" to have a problem or to attend meetings. Hopefully you'll decide to begin your recovery this time around. AA helps many people, I too hope that someone will be willing to go with you.

Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarolD

Pretend your walking into a new bar...

LOL!

Anna

Hi Doll,

I'm glad you came back!

I found out too that alcoholism is a progressive disease. I hope you keep reading and posting.

Doll

Thanks for all the support guys. I called the main office and talked to a really nice guy about which meeting I should go to, being shy and having it be my first time. So I'm going to a speaker meeting in an hour.

Its amazing to realize that there are all these people who want to help me just because I need it. I burst into tears of relief after getting off the phone with him. That feeling really eased my withdrawal related anxiety too.

Doll

So I went to the meeting. I was really inspired to hear the speakers. I do want what they have. Really really badly. I was anxious most of the meeting and was too shy to talk to anyone. I also kind of still felt like everyone was looking at me because I was shaking still. I was hiding my hands but then when I drank some herbal tea the cup was shaking in my hand. Oh well, soon the alcohol will be out of my body and I can feel good again. I'm going to another meeting tomorrow.

Doll

oops double post... not sure how to delete.

mxchaos

I'm rally shy too and felt the same way about meetins so I took baby steps. I would it in the parking lot til I forced myself to join the smokers outside when that became cmfortable enough I finale went in ,it took me two months to finally make a meeting then I only stayed 10 minutes, now I can tolerate a whole meeting. good luck and keep trying it well worth being sober.

stone

Congrats on going to your first meeting Doll.

It gets easier, no-one will have been judging you because your hands were shaking BTW, they have all been there.

Harley3801

Good for you! Now that you've done one meeting, I hope that it will get easier and easier each time.

Maybe some day, you'll feel well enough to share at a meeting how you felt during your first one . . . and I'm betting if you do, you'll be able to look around the room and lots of heads nodding in agreement. I think the way you felt was completely natural.

:ghug

Rainbowgirl128

so how are you feeling today?

westcoastgrl

Hi Doll. I'm new to the group, so I am not sure if I can be much help to you. I just totally feel the same way about going to a meeting as you do. I am scared I will run into someone I know or reveal too much.

SlvrMag

There is a 14 yr old at my meeting. Nobody is going to wonder WHY you are there...we know.

Doll

Thanks guys. I'm feeling okay today. I had lots of trouble getting to sleep last night and had some pretty crazy dreams. Although today the shame of what I've done to myself is really setting in. I'm still shaking, but not as much. I feel less anxious too. I also know that its just going to get better from here.

I went to the doctor today, and while I didn't tell him about my alcoholism, I had my blood pressure taken and talked to him about my depression and ADD, which I tried to bandaid c with my drinking.

I've always felt really nervous in elevators, but in the elevator on the way down from the doctor, I had the realization that I'd rather be stuck in the elevator (one of my worst fears) than be stuck in alcoholism anymore.

least

Please talk honestly with your doctor about your desire to quit drinking. Medical supervision during detox is a good safe idea. As for meetings, you will run into idiots as well as wonderful people, just like everywhere else.

What I found upon entering an AA meeting room for the first time was that people came up to me and greeted me and shook my hand. Some asked if I wanted coffee and took me over where it was. Some introduced me to others there. People went out of their way to make me feel welcome. And all have been in my/your shoes at some time.

AA can be very helpful for staying sober. You can get phone numbers of members to call if you're tempted to drink or otherwise want company. I don't go to as many meetings as I did at first, but love attending my home group meeting as I truly feel 'at home' there. Remember this: by letting others help you get and stay sober, you are helping them to stay sober. We help ourselves by helping each other.

Please do whatever it takes to stay sober. I tried and failed too many times to count, but when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, I was able to stay sober.

Doll

I will be talking to a doctor about my alcoholism. I just didn't want to talk to this guy because he is just for my 15 minute meds check-up 3 times a year.

I'm going to another meeting in a few minutes. This one's tailored towards younger people. I'm nervous again, but here goes!