Day 10...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
Day 10...
hi everyone....
i changed up my new wake up pattern a little bit this morning. added something new. but whatever i am here
I have one goal today. to stay clean. i have one goal until furthur notice. everyday for a long time i have to refocus upon my goal of NOT using, my goal of staying clean. i don't care if i look at it from the positive or the negative. from reality or imagination. I have one goal.
the structure of my day right now is a work day...in fact it's going to take up my time this morning because I will be sitting in a class.
you know, i wake up and showered, MEDITATED, read a daily reading and some NA literature....still my mind has noise in it. I wonder what it would be like right now, inside the circus of my mind, if I didn't meditate. it slowly has built into a bit of noise....not too uncomfortable yet, but it is not silent.
and the less silent i am, it seems the furthur away from the spirit of creation that i am. the spirit of creation that exists in this moment right now. I AM THE CREATOR, so to speak. I have the power to choose to do the right thing right now....the creative thing right now....the recovery thing right now...the honest thing right now.....
last night.... i met with my sponsor before a meeting...after we parted to drive seperately to the meeting I stopped and got cigarettes. as I walked in the guy at the counter said "how are you doing?"....without thinking I gave the automatic response of "GOOD"...i mean why not? i was clean, I worked the program hard that day so far, and I had just left from a visit with my sponsor. me. mr. "a sponsor just doesn't work for me".
but I caught myself...and then said to the guy "you know i was just acting like a 'know-it-all", and actually i feel a little crappy, or embarassed"...
well the guy stopped and made a comment about something in which he related to what i said....and then I started feeling MORE connected with the world again. More connected with the ONE. More connected with creatiohn.
so I arrived at the meeting and settled in. my sponsor arrived after me. after all the 12 step rituals it was asked does anyone have a step...after a silence i jumped in and said "well how about the 10th step"...
the reading out of the book really hit me good. I was sorta pressured to talk first by someone, so I accepted the challenge and talked about my being a know-it-all. I felt ok after I talked so I know that i spoke from the heart and not (ironically) from my know-it-all-ness.
anyway ... it feelos good to write. one because it is now part of my morning recovery mode which means that i complete something that is on my list. but also because writing helps me to know how i am feeling. it simply helps me to know what is going on. it helps me to focus. and for now, for me, until furthur notice, my focus is upon Living Clean Today.
i changed up my new wake up pattern a little bit this morning. added something new. but whatever i am here
I have one goal today. to stay clean. i have one goal until furthur notice. everyday for a long time i have to refocus upon my goal of NOT using, my goal of staying clean. i don't care if i look at it from the positive or the negative. from reality or imagination. I have one goal.
the structure of my day right now is a work day...in fact it's going to take up my time this morning because I will be sitting in a class.
you know, i wake up and showered, MEDITATED, read a daily reading and some NA literature....still my mind has noise in it. I wonder what it would be like right now, inside the circus of my mind, if I didn't meditate. it slowly has built into a bit of noise....not too uncomfortable yet, but it is not silent.
and the less silent i am, it seems the furthur away from the spirit of creation that i am. the spirit of creation that exists in this moment right now. I AM THE CREATOR, so to speak. I have the power to choose to do the right thing right now....the creative thing right now....the recovery thing right now...the honest thing right now.....
last night.... i met with my sponsor before a meeting...after we parted to drive seperately to the meeting I stopped and got cigarettes. as I walked in the guy at the counter said "how are you doing?"....without thinking I gave the automatic response of "GOOD"...i mean why not? i was clean, I worked the program hard that day so far, and I had just left from a visit with my sponsor. me. mr. "a sponsor just doesn't work for me".
but I caught myself...and then said to the guy "you know i was just acting like a 'know-it-all", and actually i feel a little crappy, or embarassed"...
well the guy stopped and made a comment about something in which he related to what i said....and then I started feeling MORE connected with the world again. More connected with the ONE. More connected with creatiohn.
so I arrived at the meeting and settled in. my sponsor arrived after me. after all the 12 step rituals it was asked does anyone have a step...after a silence i jumped in and said "well how about the 10th step"...
the reading out of the book really hit me good. I was sorta pressured to talk first by someone, so I accepted the challenge and talked about my being a know-it-all. I felt ok after I talked so I know that i spoke from the heart and not (ironically) from my know-it-all-ness.
anyway ... it feelos good to write. one because it is now part of my morning recovery mode which means that i complete something that is on my list. but also because writing helps me to know how i am feeling. it simply helps me to know what is going on. it helps me to focus. and for now, for me, until furthur notice, my focus is upon Living Clean Today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
2:00 and staying clean.....today i am feeling very good. very comfortable....this may be my last chance to get online today...so i just wanted to say hello
i have a full night of recovery planned for tonight
good luck everyone
i have a full night of recovery planned for tonight
good luck everyone
I knew you could do it! 
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Congrats on 10 days! 
I also find meditation life saving... being a fellow "know it all", I find it's really humbling and even a relief? to realize that, in fact, I know nothing. 
That feeling of connection sure is peaceful.
I also find meditation life saving... being a fellow "know it all", I find it's really humbling and even a relief? to realize that, in fact, I know nothing. That feeling of connection sure is peaceful. 
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Keep it going.
It'll be a month, a year, a lifetime before you know it.
It's gonna be great (well not that great) being like 60 years old and realizing that you made such a life altering change in your life before it was too late. Nothing scares me more than the possibility of a future wracked with regret and poor health due to drinking, because then it's too late.
It'll be a month, a year, a lifetime before you know it.
It's gonna be great (well not that great) being like 60 years old and realizing that you made such a life altering change in your life before it was too late. Nothing scares me more than the possibility of a future wracked with regret and poor health due to drinking, because then it's too late.
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