Robzoloft

You know...I can't believe I talk openly in a chat room for God's sake...I don't want to live anymore....I just want a good nights sleep...I just want the anxiety and the voices to stop...the s*** never ends...it never stops. You know...my elderly parents...my kids....all reasons I can't kill myself...good reasons...I hate who I am..I hate my life.....all I do is screw up and hurt people...nothing good comes from me..I hate everything....drinking......its all I do

least

except for the 'drinking' part, i could have written this. i understand you completely Rob. just wish i could 'fix' us both

warrens

Rob

I'm not sure what you said in the chat room. I don't care for the dynamics of chat, so I rarely do it.

Sounds like you are in a lot of pain, my friend.

Sounds like you are caught in the great feedback loop of addiction. We use to stop the pain, but it causes us nothing but pain. So we use even more. It will eventually pervade every aspect of our life.

I do not believe that you hate yourself. I think that is part of the irony of addiction. Most of us are wonderful people and we know it. We simply do horrible things. It is not who we ARE, but what we DO.

Addiction is very much a social disease, in my opinion. Take away relationships, and there really isn't much of an issue, aside from the fact that it may eventually kill us.

There really isn't much that can break the cycle except for willingness and surrender. Self pity, while sometimes warranted, is like shoveling at the bottom of a pit. It only deepens the pit. Something must fill the pit. AA gives a way to fill the pit. Some use other things, like faith.

You can do it, Rob. Anyone can if they are only willing to interrupt the cycle.

Hang in there.

warren

mle-sober

You're kids came from you. They're good.

At the end of my horrible marriage to alcohol, when I was at my lowest point, I could not find a place inside of me that wanted to live and get sober.

But, even at my lowest point, I could locate a place outside of me - my children - that motivated me to reach deep, deep inside and find my path to sobriety.

I do understand how horrible you feel right now. And I'm truly sorry you are suffering. My heart goes out to you.

It gets better. With more time sober, I promise, it gets better.

paulmh

Rob I feel for you. But I've nothing more useful to say than try and get back to AA and keep going until it gets better.

When I was where you are, one day at a time was all I was fit for.

Take it easy brother.