Crazy8Canuck

I have had the pleassure of checking out this site the past 24 hours and resonded to a few, but figure I should say hi and introduce myself formally.

My name is Chuck and I stopped taking percocet and demoral pain killers....the detox and withdrawal is driving me crazy and I am hoping it ends soon, but I know better and have actually gone through a similar experience in 1995 when I went on a huge bender with alcohol and woke up in jail....did I mention I was in the military at the time? The military gave me a choice of 30 days in military jail or the ARC program....28 day dry out. I took the 28 days, because at least there I would have access to detox stuff....thank GOD!!!

Did it work? HAHAHA NO!!!!!

I left the military shortly after and figured I learned how to drink better and be more in control. I was doing good to no arrests and no fights for over a year. I had it under control. I went to college to get high school equivilancy, but drinking was more mportant and I never finished.

I finally met an amazing girl and fell head over heels for her. 1998 I got wasted and beat up a friend of hers for saying hi to her. She should have turned and run, but she didn't she simply said...me or the booze....we were married a year later and I haven't had a drop since.

After my second son was born I decided it was time to take on another demon and quit smoking...damn withdrawals again, but a week later...all good, not as bad as the booze. Gambling...well that was another ultimatum from my wife and has been really easy....no withdrawals on that one....just urges.

Then comes my latest battle.....opiates....demoral and percocet.

2001 I had a brain surgery that introduced bacteria into my body and went undetected...for 7 years and caused crazy headaches and other pains. I only took the pain pills that the doc gave me and slowly the pain would go up and up and the amount of pills would go up. I started with 1 pill 3 times a day, then every 4 hours, then 2 in morning and 2 at bed and more and more till I was taking 15- 30 pills a day prior to this past Summer. I went in hospital in June 08 and got out 2 weeks ago....now I am fixed, 3 brain surgeries later....I get to try and give up something that has made life livable for 8 yrs. Now I am detoxing and going through withdrawls and it is driving me crazy, but I beat the booze, I beat the smoking, I beat the gambling and now I am fighting like hell to beat the drugs....this is the worst withdrawals I have ever had and I am trying to remember every second of it so that if I ever am in a position where I am looking at opiates again I will fight the urge and look for other pain stuff.

Thanks for listening, thanks for being here and thanks for taking the very hard sobriety steps....

I wrote iin a post today something my sponsor from my booze days told me....he has passed away since, but what he said still lives in me, and I would like to sahre it with you...

Life is a race to the finish....and the sober one wins.

Bless you all and keep up the fight,

Chuck

FlutteringWest

Thanks for your support Chuck, I'm glad you are here

splendra

I believe in ya (((((Chuck)))))

lostbutterfly

You might want to post this on the substance abuse forum. There are a lot of knowledgeable people on there, especially as far as opiates are concerned.

Crazy8Canuck

Well a big day for me.....1 Week!!!!!!

I thought it would be easy since I beat other demons in the past, but wow....this is insane. I had the worst night last night and couldn't sleep...couldn't settle at all.My legs were sore, my body was shaking and my wife thought she was laying with a human sized vibrator (sorry if I offended with the analogy). Went to the doc today with the full intention of trying to get some pills or something to take away the pain, but I managed to hold off the urge and just get the stuff that helps with withdrawals....so no new pain pills and the same pains of recovery....God I can't wait till this crappy feeling stops. I can't imagine what it would be like without the withdrawal pills.

For those of you in the same shoes....know that at least for today you are not suffering alone in the withdrawals and pain of recovery....keep up the fight.

Chuck

Crazy8Canuck

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't keep this up......I am literally losing my mind. I f$$$ed up with my meds today and took to much Clonodine....apparantly it has some bad stuff in it....duh....helps with the pain....and I got a bit of that good feeling, not enough to say I scrubbed the past week and have to start over but enough that the craving beast reared its ugly head. I can barely type I am shaking so much....I could ride the pity train, but that ride is not my style.

I have sleeping type pills, but they aren't working either. I could go to the ER at the hospital, but already know their solution to pain.....demoral or morophine, and some percocet to go home with.....worse is I know if I went to the ER I wouldn't say no at this point. Luckily.....I guess....I threw the car keys out the second story window into a field behind my place.....and its a long walk to the hospital...I don't even dare call 911....how would that call go...."Hi I'm having wicked withdrawal pains and feel like I want to tear my skin off....could you send me an ambulance so I can get some pain treatment....FYI I need 150 mg demoral injected into my a$$....thanks I'll be outside."

This is unreal and I don't want to play this game anymore...its no fun and I am sick and tired of feeling like crap. I didn't have pain when I had my pills and could leave the house, play with my kids and carry on....I have been stuck in this house for a week and am getting frustrated as heck.

Guess its time to lay on the floor and shake till morning and my wife can help me out. Thanks for being the other option than 911.....moving on to day 8. Unless someone can email me some percocet....no...okay....no worries.

I made a choice 911 or sobriety...thanks for helping me avoid the 911.

Chuck

FlutteringWest

Hi Chuck, thanks for posting, I was wondering how you are getting along.

I'm imagining your keys in the bushes and at some point you having to go dig them out. That was a good move! Well done!

Can't say I understand the withdrawal you are going through and I don't know if I have any words that might be encouraging to you...

But you said that your surgeries are now over and that you are finally fixed! If you can make it through this time of pain, and hopefully it will be short lived, then you can really get on with enjoying your life after all this waiting... because you are fixed! And you don't need the pain killers anymore.

keep it up!

Crazy8Canuck

Well I still have to go outside and look for my keys, but the night was a long one, I have not slept really, mostly just laid on the floor and ran conversations through my head as to what I would say to the paramedics so I could get somepain killers, what I would tell the ER nurses and doctors to keep getting pain killers and ultimately what I would tell my wife as she serves me with papers fora divorce....glad I just thought about it and didn't get to stupid....although throwing the keys in the field may have been good at the time it sure sucks now. I am restarting my meds after the mess up yesterday and hope to get on track with the yucky feeling control.

That's it for now....just wanted to let you know I made it through the night....thanks for your thoughts. Gonna go play video games with my 4 yr old son......

Have a great day.....and keep up the fight.

Chuck

sickgirl2

You can get through these withdrawals, I have cold turkey and I am 52 years old. I am now just at the 3 month mark of NO PAIN MEDS. (lortab 10's) that was my drug for my back pain. I got sick one day and had to stop. I give all the credit to God, for making me strong enough to get thru this. He will do the same for you. Just ASK HIM!!! Will keep you in my prayers.

Impurrfect

(((Crazy8)))

Sorry I'm late on this, but I think you're doing great! I was a crack addict, so don't know about the withdrawals, but there are lots of threads on it in the substance abuse forum, by people who have gone through them (you may have to search for them).

I'm glad you didn't go get more pain meds, and thought it all the way through. I was recently hurt in a robbery and the thought entered my mind "now I've got a great excuse to get something to numb me out", but I didn't. I realized that a temporary fix would either be...only temporary, or a decent back into the hell I left almost 20 months ago.

Good to see you here!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Crazy8Canuck

Thanks for the support.... there isn't much available in the town I live in....1 AA meeting a week and 1 NA meeting a week....I missed them both, cuz I was stuck in the bathroom. I will be going to the next ones though...tomorrow and Sunday. It's great to have this site as an outlet and reaching those that understand, but I am looking forward to face to face meetings with people in my own community.

Video games with my son all day seem to help to....keeps my brain busy, but not much for the rest of the body....in time I know, but its a long way to get there....time seems to go a lot slower when feeling like crap....

Anyone know when the mediciney taste goes away? I think that would help too. I been eating sweets and toothpaste to get rid of it but it doesn't work.

last night I had wicked heart burn too and went to lay down on the floor and woke up shortly after and couldn't breathe...that was scary...coughed a few times and got my breath back, scared the hell out of my wife too....hopefully that doesn't happen again.

Anyhow....day 8.....day 8 of 50 yrs....hopefully


Thanks again and don't give up the fight,

Chuck

Crazy8Canuck

Well night time is rolling in again and its not as bad as yesterday....never found my kesys yet, but that will give me something to do tomorrow. Not as bad with all the shakes and stuff, but still got a medicine taste in my mouth and every time I breathe in I can taste medicine....can't place what the taste is, but I remember it from the hospital....kinda like the taste when demoral or morophine goes into the veins through the IV. I would expect that it would create cravings, but the taste actually curbs the cravings....weird. Yeah drug taste.

So day 8 wraps up fairly uneventful...spent the day with my youngest and generally feel not to bad....then agaiin I am also getting drowsy from the sleeping pills....strange how a pill addict gets pills to get cleaned up....oh well....I had some very nice PM's and thank you for your advice and caring....it has not fallen in deaf ears (eyes).

Keep up the fight and see you tomorrow,

Chuck

Impurrfect

(((Chuck)))

Starting on day 9!! Sorry, but I don't know about the medicine taste.

Sounds like you're doing good. Keep posting

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Tazman53

Chuck just something to think about..... NA or maybe AA again, you still speak AA my friend! LOL

Crazy8Canuck

10 years of staying away from alcohol and surrounding myself with like minded people helped I guess....I haven't been to AA in many years, but with the new drug battle I will be revisiting the coffee and donut room at the Health Center. I attended a mandatory 2 meetings per day for a year and unfortunately had a bad experience with AA....I know its value and as I am older and hopefully a bit wiser, and in a new town I will be reaching out for that extra boost of support.

I took a few minutes and looked at the locations of many people that visit this site and am so happy that so many people from around the world can get together and without even knowing someone offer enough encouragement and support to keep a stranger clean for at least one more day. Is it me or is that just plain incredible? People like me who don't have a strong support network for kicking drugs, or not wanting the whole community to know, can go and speak from the heart, remain annonymous, and get some validation on the hard work of kicking drugs or alcohol and then the support in the recovery and staying clean and sober process. I shudder to think about how the past 8 and a bit days would have been if I didn't have a place to go when I was feeling crappy or needed a boost. Friday and Sunday....only 2 nights with meetings here....AA and NA 1 day a week each. I will be going to those meetings and SR will be my other 5 day security blanket....and Friday and Sunday too.

Thank you everyone for being here and being drunks and drug addicts....if you didn't have addictions too I would feel like I was a bad person or did something wrong....having you here lets me know that I have friends that understand and let me...and others.... know its okay we made mistakes and we have friends after all we went through and are going through...everyone that visits this site is awesome and wouldn't it be cool if we could walk into a church, hall or health Center and see all the people that help us on the site? Until that day happens I will visit SR as much as I can and value everyone that clicks a keyboard instead of tipping a drink, popping a pill, smoking dope or shooting up.

Thank you all....and don't give up the fight,

Chuck

Tazman53

Just one alcoholic/addict helping another Chuck, I find it quite miraculous myself!

Impurrfect

(((Chuck)))

I, too, find it miraculous I now have recovering friends all over the world, and no matter what time I come here, someone else is here. I actually got to meet a friend, here, when she and her husband came to Atlanta on business. It was GREAT and we felt like we'd known each other forever.

I'm glad you're here and reaching out.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Crazy8Canuck

Well had a not bad day till around 4:30 when I got a call regarding some blood work I had done...looks like I get to go back under the knife. Seems the nasty infection I had wasn't completely wiped out and I get to have another braiin surgery....4that will be 4 since August 13th. Sucks big time. I will get a heavy batch of vancomycin again and see if that works starting Monday and if in 2 weeks it isn't effetive I get to have another hole drilled in my head. I will get to try a new thing where they will keep me sedated for 2 days after surgery instead of giving me the pain meds I am used to and my doc knows I want very much to avoid them. Have to wait and see....hopefully the anti-biotics work this time. The concerning part is that I had some CSF fluid tested and the bacteris is in my brain....like last time the docs have no idea why I have not been knocked down by meningitis...not that I am complaining...looks like someone upstaies has a plan for me...just wish the plan was less painful.

On a better note I went to the first AA meeting in many years and met some pretty cool people...one guy said he had 33 years and slipped last week....he said he was ready to challenge anyone to race him to 34....very impressive.

This was a different meeting than I have ever been to....they are a group of people that have a zest for life and living that is awesome...and they like to have a lot of fun. looking forward to next Friday...met a friend as well for my very first NA meeting on Sunday...that should take the pressure off. He is a pretty cool guy too....3 yrs and 7 mths away from drugs for him and how we met was neat....he was impressed with my time away from the bottle, but what was funny is that when I mentioned I also was recently off pain killers....primarily percocet he laughed and said cool...I used to snort that too....I couldn't help but laugh and we shook hands and he said he would pick me up before the meeting for coffee...pretty cool.

That's all I got tonight....thanks for listening and made it through another day with my body, brain and conscience intack.....

keep strong and keep up the fight,

Chuck

Impurrfect

(((Chuck)))

I sure hope the vancomycin works. I used to be a nurse in a neuro ICU so I know brain surgery can be pretty darn scary, even if you've had it done before.

Way to go on a meeting!!! I'm glad you found a good one, right off the bat.

I think you are doing GREAT!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Crazy8Canuck

AWESOME DAY TODAY!!!!!!!!

I found my keys this morning...after about 2 hours of my wife telling me I was a moron...she thought it was a good idea when I tossed them initially, but changed her tune when I couldn't find them....anyhow found the keys and we headed out for a drive. I live in a small town with no WAL-Mart (can you believe that!!!) so we went to the nearest city that had one, which is 2 hours away, with the plans on spending the day shopping and visiting friends....we used to live their before I ended up in the hospital all Summer.

We had a great day visiting friends that I haven't seen since June when I went into the hospital and catching up and filling them in on my surgery nightmares, but here's the cool part....

I have been taking pills Clonidine and Trazodone to help with withdrawals and detox. I take 2 Clonidine pills in the morning and 2 at bed with 3 Trazadone....well I forgot to take any this morning and remembered when we were already an hour and a half out of town so I thought it would be a good time to test my recovery progress, knowing I would have to power through any shakes, pains or general crappiness.....nothing happened today like that, but for the first time in 8 years I never took a pill of any kind. I have had percocets or demorals everyday day for 8 years, or injections of demoral everday for the last 8 years and 10 days ago I started other life saving pills....but today I had the first day in 8 years where I had no pills at all.

I will be taking the Trazadone in a few minutes, but thats only so I can sleep. For some reason I still get jumpy when I lay down...I guess my inactive sleeping body is still having difficulty.

Still....a great day and I look forward to many more. Big day tomorrow...NA meeting with my new friend from AA...still nervous as hell though.

Thought about the people I met on this site already and hope all my SR friends can have a great day too....

Take Care and keep up the fight....good days feel great....and as an addictive person....I think this could be a good addiction for me. I am officialy addicted to good days and will go to any lengths to get them...if it means I have to smile and be happy...by God I will do it, if it means I have to infect others with my happiness, by God I will do it......I will pimp and push my new addiction on others and if I have to blackmail people I will in order to get you addicted as well....its better than pills and unlike booze it will make you drunk with laughter....its like crack and once you really try it once...your hooked. So try my new drug....its called extacy, but doesn't come in a pill form...it is transmitted through smiles...to take it you just smile and people smile back....ITS AWESOME!!!!!!

Thanks for being here and I hope you get hooked on my new drug and become to most devoted addict you can be....trust me if done frquently it is almost as good as the bad pills, but you get to keep your pride, and likely won't end up in jail....

See ya tomorow,

Chuck