Spouse, Family.. stuck in the middle
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Spouse, Family.. stuck in the middle
Ok, I'm not going to go all into this, but I wanted to just vent a bit.
Parents are overprotective and overinvolved in my quest for sobriety. Husband is pretty ignorant to the nuances of addiction/alcoholism. Parents are alcoholics, 13 years dry. Husband drinks a beer once a week.
They cannot come together, and i'm stuck in the middle. My parents stop by my house, joined my gym, call, e mail a LOT. If I don't respond immediately, they assume I'm drinking (in the past, sometimes because I WAS), so I understand. BUt I'm married, my husband sees how crazy this makes me.
He's the opposite, very hands off, likely enabling without even knowing it. We have been married for 3 years, we're still figuring out the marriage thing, and make mistakes sometimes. He's as supportive as he can be, with the tools he has.
Most recently the three of them have had 'words'. My hubby telling them to back off, them getting feelings hurt and backing off WAY more than necessary, I'm sure they are hurt that he told them his frustrations. They 're mad because they don't see him AS involved as he should. See the polar opposites? My parents think I need to be in AA every day, in therapy, in a facility. My husband is opposite, thinks I need to "chill", and watch how much I drink.
I KNOW I cannot drink. I cannot take care of everyone else.. while I try to care for myself. Breaks my damn heart that everyone I love is having such a hard time not only with my issues, but with each other.
My parents likely have some regrets from our past, my hubby is just simply inexperienced, period.
Drives me nuts! Thanks for letting me spill that all over the place!!
I'm being torn in half, and trying to stay stober. Torn between overinvolved parents and underinvolved husband. Alcoholics 13 years sober, no treatment, no counseling (my parents), the 1-2 beer a week drinker with no history of alcoholism/problems with alcohol.
Parents are overprotective and overinvolved in my quest for sobriety. Husband is pretty ignorant to the nuances of addiction/alcoholism. Parents are alcoholics, 13 years dry. Husband drinks a beer once a week.
They cannot come together, and i'm stuck in the middle. My parents stop by my house, joined my gym, call, e mail a LOT. If I don't respond immediately, they assume I'm drinking (in the past, sometimes because I WAS), so I understand. BUt I'm married, my husband sees how crazy this makes me.
He's the opposite, very hands off, likely enabling without even knowing it. We have been married for 3 years, we're still figuring out the marriage thing, and make mistakes sometimes. He's as supportive as he can be, with the tools he has.
Most recently the three of them have had 'words'. My hubby telling them to back off, them getting feelings hurt and backing off WAY more than necessary, I'm sure they are hurt that he told them his frustrations. They 're mad because they don't see him AS involved as he should. See the polar opposites? My parents think I need to be in AA every day, in therapy, in a facility. My husband is opposite, thinks I need to "chill", and watch how much I drink.
I KNOW I cannot drink. I cannot take care of everyone else.. while I try to care for myself. Breaks my damn heart that everyone I love is having such a hard time not only with my issues, but with each other.
My parents likely have some regrets from our past, my hubby is just simply inexperienced, period.
Drives me nuts! Thanks for letting me spill that all over the place!!
I'm being torn in half, and trying to stay stober. Torn between overinvolved parents and underinvolved husband. Alcoholics 13 years sober, no treatment, no counseling (my parents), the 1-2 beer a week drinker with no history of alcoholism/problems with alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Flutter,
Your parents and your husband are doing what they are doing. I don't think you should be worried about how to 'fix' things between them. Just stay focused on your recovery and do what you need to do.
Your parents and your husband are doing what they are doing. I don't think you should be worried about how to 'fix' things between them. Just stay focused on your recovery and do what you need to do.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Thanks 
I think I just needed to hear that it was ok to just take care of me right now. It's hard always being the one that holds everyone/everything together
I think I just needed to hear that it was ok to just take care of me right now. It's hard always being the one that holds everyone/everything together Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 572
Originally Posted by 51anna 
Hi Flutter,
Your parents and your husband are doing what they are doing. I don't think you should be worried about how to 'fix' things between them. Just stay focused on your recovery and do what you need to do.
Your parents and your husband are doing what they are doing. I don't think you should be worried about how to 'fix' things between them. Just stay focused on your recovery and do what you need to do.
Spendid advice!
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