newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA
Posts: 20
newbie
Hi everyone. I just joined the forum and thought I'd take a moment to introduce myself. I'm fresh off a raucous Saturday night drinking binge. I don't drink daily or even weekly. Instead, I fall off the wagon once or twice every 4-6 months and get completely bent out of my skull. This has been going on for about the last 10-12 years. Usually, my drinking ends up with some kind of dramatic outcome. Once, I was drinking at a bachelorette party and shattered my wrist when I fell backwards off a barstool. Another time, I woke up on the beach unaware of my own whereabouts. This past Saturday night, I was within moments of being whisked away to jail when my husband showed up to rescue me, again. Every time it happens, I swear I'll never do it again and he swears he'll leave me if I do. I'm in serious jeapardy of losing my family and my future to alcohol. I'm so terribly ashamed of myself and the anguish I've caused. I'm ready to call it what it is- alcoholism. Anyway, I'm here for support and understanding. At the moment, I'm feeling optimistic but wait an hour and that could change. I've never taken part in any kind of support group before.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi rubyslippers - Thanks for posting. I only have a week sober and while
not a heavy daily drinker, I did binge for days at a time. I couldn't put
4 - 6 months sober together for the last three years no matter how hard I tried, although before then I did and even had 12 years sober in my life.
For me it just got progressively worse and worse over time whether I drank or not. For me it doesn't matter what I drink, when I drink, or when I don't drink....it is about what is happening to me every single time I drink. And it is
pretty rotten both physically and mentally.
This forum has helped me in countless ways. So welcome. I hope to get to know you better. Keep posting. There are some incredible people on here 24/7.
not a heavy daily drinker, I did binge for days at a time. I couldn't put
4 - 6 months sober together for the last three years no matter how hard I tried, although before then I did and even had 12 years sober in my life.
For me it just got progressively worse and worse over time whether I drank or not. For me it doesn't matter what I drink, when I drink, or when I don't drink....it is about what is happening to me every single time I drink. And it is
pretty rotten both physically and mentally.
This forum has helped me in countless ways. So welcome. I hope to get to know you better. Keep posting. There are some incredible people on here 24/7.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA
Posts: 20
Good morning. I feel a little better today. At least I think I'll be able to hold down food today. My husband and I are going to a recovery meeting at a local church tonight. I feel embarassed and scared but I suppose that's normal.
I managed to tell a close friend last night that I'm an alcoholic. Because alcohol doesn't anchor our relationship, she had no idea. Apparently, I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it from her. She was surprised but didn't seem judgemental. I cried and she hugged me. I feel like such a needy lump of crap. Oh well. At least I can express my feelings here.
I managed to tell a close friend last night that I'm an alcoholic. Because alcohol doesn't anchor our relationship, she had no idea. Apparently, I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it from her. She was surprised but didn't seem judgemental. I cried and she hugged me. I feel like such a needy lump of crap. Oh well. At least I can express my feelings here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Congratulations on getting through your first day rubyslippers. I know how tough it is. I'm on day 8 today. I promise every day will get a little bit better.
I have gone to an AA meeting every day since day one. I know this might not be the answer for all and that is ok. Right now it is what is keeping me from drinking 24 hours at a time.
It is scary walking into that first meeting. You can do this. We will be right there with you.
I have gone to an AA meeting every day since day one. I know this might not be the answer for all and that is ok. Right now it is what is keeping me from drinking 24 hours at a time.
It is scary walking into that first meeting. You can do this. We will be right there with you.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR Ruby! Glad that you found us-As you can see there is a lot of support here-Please check out our other forums and the stickies at the top of the forums are filled with a wealth of information!
Keep posting and keep us updated on your progress! Know that you are not alone
on this journey!
Keep posting and keep us updated on your progress! Know that you are not alone
on this journey!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: London UK
Posts: 12
Hi Ruby, it's a good thing to ask for support. CarolD left a link to some really good information about blackouts on my thread - it's in post #17. But as she said it's worthwhile to read the other excerpts.
I just tried to post the link, but apparently you need to make 15 posts before you can do that on this board. If you look at the thread I started and find CarolD's link, please check it out!
Best wishes tonight
I just tried to post the link, but apparently you need to make 15 posts before you can do that on this board. If you look at the thread I started and find CarolD's link, please check it out!
Best wishes tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA
Posts: 20
I went to my first ever 12 step meeting last night. It was weird. I guess I'm just so angry because I am labelled "alcoholic". How did I get here? This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I'm just feeling really ticked off right now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: London UK
Posts: 12
Hi Ruby,
It's interesting to hear your response after going to the meeting, and not too surprising from my perspective as I went to a meeting years ago and had similar feelings. It was as though I felt pressured to join the 'alcoholic club'... I think part of that is just anger at yourself for not being able to drink moderately like other people manage to do.
When you end up in dangerous situations every time you drink, I'd say it doesn't really matter what label you give it. The point is it isn't healthy or safe. It makes you feel like crap and shameful afterwards. It's bad for you, and it's an illness that can be avoided.
I'm just trying to breathe and feel positive about what's in the future. Last night I got very frustrated and decided it's alright to feel that way for awhile. I just breathed a bit and let it pass. Also I have started to take some notes about situations that make me want to drink. And I'm making a list of things that make me happy and other things I want to do to make myself happy. All this helped wind me down and have a better outlook.
I don't see myself going to AA meetings to get through this, but I won't say never because I just have no idea what's going to happen. I'm trying to just think about now and get some work done that will improve my physical and mental health.
I hope your week gets better!
It's interesting to hear your response after going to the meeting, and not too surprising from my perspective as I went to a meeting years ago and had similar feelings. It was as though I felt pressured to join the 'alcoholic club'... I think part of that is just anger at yourself for not being able to drink moderately like other people manage to do.
When you end up in dangerous situations every time you drink, I'd say it doesn't really matter what label you give it. The point is it isn't healthy or safe. It makes you feel like crap and shameful afterwards. It's bad for you, and it's an illness that can be avoided.
I'm just trying to breathe and feel positive about what's in the future. Last night I got very frustrated and decided it's alright to feel that way for awhile. I just breathed a bit and let it pass. Also I have started to take some notes about situations that make me want to drink. And I'm making a list of things that make me happy and other things I want to do to make myself happy. All this helped wind me down and have a better outlook.
I don't see myself going to AA meetings to get through this, but I won't say never because I just have no idea what's going to happen. I'm trying to just think about now and get some work done that will improve my physical and mental health.
I hope your week gets better!
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Originally Posted by rubyslippers 
I went to my first ever 12 step meeting last night. It was weird. I guess I'm just so angry because I am labelled "alcoholic". How did I get here? This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I'm just feeling really ticked off right now.
Be determined.
btw, Welcome, this is a great little forum.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi RubySlippers,
Welcome!
I was also angry with myself for becoming an alcoholic. It was really hard to call myself an alcoholic. As time went by, I realized that, yes, I was an alcoholic, but I was many other things too. And, admitting I was an alcoholic began the process of giving me back my life.
Welcome!
I was also angry with myself for becoming an alcoholic. It was really hard to call myself an alcoholic. As time went by, I realized that, yes, I was an alcoholic, but I was many other things too. And, admitting I was an alcoholic began the process of giving me back my life.
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