Here we go

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colliseum.

"Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."

The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"

Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some rubbish eh? He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."

Six months later, Caesar comes back having conqured France and addresses the crowd in the Colliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".

The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".

Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his nonsense, I'm off to France to check this out."

So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"

The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"

Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"

The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.

Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colliseum then across at Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing.........

Away Gauls count double in Europe."





Funny feeling a lot of our American friends may not get that.

Laughing my sodding arse off!!!

Away Gauls !!!!!: lmao

Ok fizzy...i know it will ruin the joke...but please explain to your dumb a$$ yankee friends :)

I'll leave the explanation to the boys, ananda. It has to do with football (soccer to you!) Get them to explain the off-side rule to you while they are at it. That will distract them from drinking for a while! If they supply diagrams, I might even understand it!:e088:

Just a play-on word. "Gaul" sounding like "goal"

It's simple, when you play an away game ie. one that isn't at your home stadium you get extra points for a win than you would if you played at home, most matches are played in two legs one at each teams home ground so as to be fair.

Hope that helps.

I think it was irresponsible of Asterix to let Obelix loose with a menhir while under the influence.

I find Asterix quite annoying too! He really thinks he's all that!! And he get's to be a social magic potion drinker!

Away goals rule
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The away goals rule is a method of breaking ties in association football and other sports when teams play each other twice, once at each team's home ground. By the away goals rule, the team that has scored more goals (points, baskets) "away from home" will win if scores are otherwise tied. This is sometimes expressed by saying that away goals "count double" in the event of a tie.[1]

The away-goals rule is most often invoked in two-legged fixtures, where the initial result is determined by the aggregate score — i.e. the scores of both games are added together. In many competitions, the away goals rule is the first tie-breaker for such cases, with a penalty shootout as the second tie-breaker if each team has scored the same number of away goals. Rules vary as to whether the away goals rule applies at the end of normal time of the second leg, or after extra time, or (most commonly) after both.

The away goals rule is intended to encourage the away team to be more aggressive. In football, at least, it often leads to a nervous first leg; the home team is unwilling to commit large numbers of players in attack lest they concede a goal, whilst the away team attempts to defend and snatch an away goal to aid them in the second leg. Such tactics arguably make the second leg more exciting, after a low-scoring first leg leaves both sides with a chance to win. There is some debate over whether the away goals rule creates an unfair advantage in playing away first, followed by at home — with the other team squandering their home advantage in the first leg due to away goal fears — and this may be a factor in its somewhat patchy adoption for competitions. Anecdotal evidence certainly suggests that most teams feel an away goal puts them in the driving seat.[2]


[edit] Usage
The away goals rule is applied in many football competitions that involve two-legged fixtures, including the knockout stages of the UEFA Champions League and UEFA Cup, and any two-legged playoffs used in qualification for the FIFA World Cup or European Championships.

Not all competitions use the away goals rule. For example, before 2005, CONMEBOL used neither the away goals rule nor extra time in any of its competitions, such as the Copa Libertadores. Ties that were level on aggregate went to an immediate penalty shootout. The away goals rule (without extra time) was introduced to the Copa Libertadores in 2005. In Latin America, an example of a tournament that always has used this rule is Copa do Brasil (Brazilian Cup).

In English football, two-legged fixtures in the League Cup are only subject to the away goals rule after extra time; if teams are level on aggregate after after 90 minutes of the second leg, extra time is played regardless of whether one team leads on away goals.

The semi-finals of the promotion playoffs in the Football League, despite being two-legged, ceased to employ the away goals rule from 2000. As away goals scored in extra time counted double, the side finishing lower in the league gained an advantage by playing away in the 2nd leg, thus giving them 30 more minutes to score an away goal. The rescindment of the away goals rule has affected the results of several play-off semi-finals.

The away goals rule is sometimes used in round robin competitions (i.e. leagues or qualifying groups), where it may be used to break ties involving more than two teams. For example, away goals are the sixth tiebreaker in the Pennsylvania State Athletic Conference,[3] and the third tiebreaker in the group stage of both the UEFA Champions League[4] and UEFA Cup.[5] In Group C of the UEFA Champions League 2000–01, Olympique Lyonnais took the second qualifying spot ahead of Olympiacos on away goals.[6] Because other tiebreakers take precedence, the away goals rule is rarely invoked in such tournaments. In many group tournaments, the away goals rule is never applicable; for example, in World Cup qualification[7].

The away goals rule was first applied in the UEFA Cup Winners' Cup when Budapest Honvéd FC beat Dukla Prague in the second round in 1965–6. It was introduced in the Fairs Cup in 1966–7,[8] and in the European Cup in 1967–8 for the first round, [9] 1968–9 for the second round,[10] and 1970–71 for later rounds.[11] Previously, ties level on aggregate had gone to a playoff on neutral ground.[12]

Disagree, Asterix may like to think he's just a social magic potion drinker however I have never seen him get through a story without a wee sip of magic potion or two.

Just a couple of sips makes him aggresive as well.

I reckon he's got a pretty serious habit going on there beneath the surface !!!!!!!!!

:c024:

And the off-side rule??

lol! Have you seen the whole village queuing up for it as well!!

Hokey dokey

The Offside Rule and Offside Trap in Football(Soccer)
It is not an offence in itself to be in an offside position.

A player is in an offside position if:

he is nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent

A player is not in an offside position if:

he is in his own half of the field of play
he is level with the second last opponent
he is level with the last two opponents

Commiting an Offside Offence
A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of the referee, involved in active play by:

interfering with play
interfering with an opponent
gaining an advantage by being in that position

No Offence
There is no offside offence if a player receives the ball directly from:

a goal kick
a throw-in
a corner kick

Infringements/Sanctions
For any offside offence, the referee awards an indirect free kick to the opposing team to be taken from the place where the infringement occurred.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz!!! Sorry, I'm a girl, I am NEVER going to understand!!

Fizz, I have the utmost respect for your knowledge of the game to be able to type that explaination out of the top of your head.

You beat me to it though, I was ready to post the exact same synopsis.

And the druid that makes it is called Getafix !!!!!!!!!

Actually, just realised my problems all stem from my primary schoolteacher letting me read Asterix from age 7 or something

Yelling at the ref has a covert affect also, this approach can also be amplified by chants such as, " the re-er-rees a w**ker", repeatedly.

These tactics are yet to be recognised by UEFA.

Wake up LB, are you paying attention?

lol! I have just realised: Getafix! I was also reading Asterix from a young age. In fact, my entire knowledge of the Roman Empire comes from those books. School lessons just couldn't compete with tomes of knowledge like that!!

When I was a kid, I didn't realise all the names meant something, I thought it was Latin! Vitalstatistix, Dogmatix, Cacafonix, Unhygienix - I pronounced them all completely differently!!

That off-side rule part of the brain is missing in the female of the species!! Another thing, how have you men managed to create a football league where EVERY GAME IS CRUCIAL even if your own team aren't playing?

"I have to go down the pub to see the game, it's crucial"

"Oh really, darling. Why, who are Liverpool playing?"

"Oh no, Liverpool aren't playing. But, if Arsenal manage to beat Chelsea then ..............However, if they get a draw then........................ zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

Asterix and the Chieftens Shield sees Vitalstatistix going to a health farm seemingly with liver problems !!!!!!!!

Asterix at the Olympic games is really just a modern day tale of drug taking within sport.

Another tale of childhood innocence ruined I guess

Getafix is looking pretty high in your avatar, fizzy!