Need a bit of encouragement please.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Need a bit of encouragement please.
I am heading back to visit my Dad and in-laws in a couple of days. I will be away from SR and that REALLY scares me. SR is my only plan for sobriety right now and for some reason this weekend I have been craving a glass of wine so bad its scared me. I feel like the physical pit in my stomach that I would always have every evening before my first glass. That first glass would get rid of the feeling. I don't want to go there and I don't think I will, but there's some doubt in my head and I haven't felt doubtful about this in awhile.
I pm'd a friend here on SR and was advised to post this asking for help so I can print it and take it with me. Very good advice and I will do just that. I will be away from Wednesday until the following Tuesday. That's a long time. It would be like someone going without AA meetings for that long of a period.
I am also, huge concern to me, going to be away from my 5 year old son and this will be the first time since he's been born that I have ever been without him for this long. I will, of course, miss my husband but we have weathered many separations as he used to travel for business. I really am a mess over this and if it weren't for my Dad I would never have considered this.
I know I told them I don't drink, but most people don't get it. If offered a glass of wine at that cocktail part at my Dad's church function I don't know. I was strong in the beginning, but I am already weakening.
Thanks ahead of time. Horselover
I pm'd a friend here on SR and was advised to post this asking for help so I can print it and take it with me. Very good advice and I will do just that. I will be away from Wednesday until the following Tuesday. That's a long time. It would be like someone going without AA meetings for that long of a period.
I am also, huge concern to me, going to be away from my 5 year old son and this will be the first time since he's been born that I have ever been without him for this long. I will, of course, miss my husband but we have weathered many separations as he used to travel for business. I really am a mess over this and if it weren't for my Dad I would never have considered this.
I know I told them I don't drink, but most people don't get it. If offered a glass of wine at that cocktail part at my Dad's church function I don't know. I was strong in the beginning, but I am already weakening.
Thanks ahead of time. Horselover
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
HL
don't weaken. Think of your son - he deserves a sober Mom, and he's had one since May. Think of yourself too - go back and read your first posts here - print those out if you need to too.
The week you'll be away is no different, in principle, to all the other weeks you've had sober - sure maybe it's a little bit more stressful, a few more triggers - but nothing can make you drink unless you want to. And I don't think you want to.
As for the physical pit you're feeling that the first glass used to 'fix'? I think that's anxiety, not craving - and there's better ways for an alcoholic to deal with anxiety and fear than drinking.
Secondly I don't think it fixed it at all - at best, it merely sidelined it til later. You'd have to deal with everything the morning after anyway, added to the guilt of drinking.
Better not to HL.
Thirdly, you haven't drunk since May.
I'd defy anyone under stress to stop at one glass - I think for most of us it'd be all bets are off.
I'm not trying to scare you HL - there's nothing to be scared of at all so long as you stay strong and keep doing what you've been doing - I'm just trying to help you play the tape through.
I believe you can do this S. Go do it
hugs
D
don't weaken. Think of your son - he deserves a sober Mom, and he's had one since May. Think of yourself too - go back and read your first posts here - print those out if you need to too.
The week you'll be away is no different, in principle, to all the other weeks you've had sober - sure maybe it's a little bit more stressful, a few more triggers - but nothing can make you drink unless you want to. And I don't think you want to.
As for the physical pit you're feeling that the first glass used to 'fix'? I think that's anxiety, not craving - and there's better ways for an alcoholic to deal with anxiety and fear than drinking.
Secondly I don't think it fixed it at all - at best, it merely sidelined it til later. You'd have to deal with everything the morning after anyway, added to the guilt of drinking.
Better not to HL.
Thirdly, you haven't drunk since May.
I'd defy anyone under stress to stop at one glass - I think for most of us it'd be all bets are off.
I'm not trying to scare you HL - there's nothing to be scared of at all so long as you stay strong and keep doing what you've been doing - I'm just trying to help you play the tape through.
I believe you can do this S. Go do it
hugs
D
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
You can do it Horselover. I know you can. You know the answer if you're asked is "no thank you". Practice saying it. Print out what you need to. Wear a locket with your sons picture inside to keep him close to your heart.
If you're really feeling uneasy... perhaps you can postpone the trip? Just a thought.
If you're really feeling uneasy... perhaps you can postpone the trip? Just a thought.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Thanks Gypsy and Dee and I really mean it! I know you're not feeling well, but you still find time to help - amazing.
I can't postpone Gypsy because of the money I already forked over for the plane ticket (non-refundable) and my Dad really needs me. Gram's (his mom) death has hit him harder then any of imagined it would. She was it as far as the last parent. His Dad died before I was even born from lung cancer and he was very close to Gram. He has pictures of me when I was little and Gram was holding me he wants to look at with me. We are going to the grave site together.
The uncomfortable part is in visiting with the in laws and not so much them but brother in law and his family and visiting with my Aunt. Uncomfortable relations and I know we all got them, but I used to have wine to relax around these moments.
Thanks again and I also like Dee's idea in printing out those first posts and definitely carrying a picture of my son. That should help me a lot. I don't want to let him or anyone down.
Thanks Ananda for the pm.
I can't postpone Gypsy because of the money I already forked over for the plane ticket (non-refundable) and my Dad really needs me. Gram's (his mom) death has hit him harder then any of imagined it would. She was it as far as the last parent. His Dad died before I was even born from lung cancer and he was very close to Gram. He has pictures of me when I was little and Gram was holding me he wants to look at with me. We are going to the grave site together.
The uncomfortable part is in visiting with the in laws and not so much them but brother in law and his family and visiting with my Aunt. Uncomfortable relations and I know we all got them, but I used to have wine to relax around these moments.
Thanks again and I also like Dee's idea in printing out those first posts and definitely carrying a picture of my son. That should help me a lot. I don't want to let him or anyone down.
Thanks Ananda for the pm.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I'm happy to help Sarah - I'm not dead yet LOL
I also have to confess that the brilliant idea of printing out the thread was Jules'
it was something she suggested to me once for one of my threads - it really helped me, I'm sure it'll help you too
I like Gyps idea too - all it takes is a no thank you. You can deal with a bit of discomfort
Sarah - I know you can.
We're all behind you
D
I also have to confess that the brilliant idea of printing out the thread was Jules'
it was something she suggested to me once for one of my threads - it really helped me, I'm sure it'll help you too
I like Gyps idea too - all it takes is a no thank you. You can deal with a bit of discomfort
Sarah - I know you can.
We're all behind you
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Practicing - "No thank you." "Why no thank you, but thank you for asking." "Thank you - Wait I mean no thank you!!" I'll get it Gyps - thank you and I do agree that I can say it and mean it.
Feeling better already. I just want it to last and that's the scary part. Know what I mean? Ah well - Fizzy old boy did it and there's hope in that.
Feeling better already. I just want it to last and that's the scary part. Know what I mean? Ah well - Fizzy old boy did it and there's hope in that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Sarah - You CAN do this! I know you can. I know exactly what you are saying about being away from your son....it's so hard, esp. the first time that it is of any length and distance. Try to focus on the fact that he will be safe with Daddy.
The first time I left my kids was to go across country for my brother's wedding (we couldn't afford for all of us to go, so I went on my own) I left little brown paper bags for each of the kids to open - one for each day I was gone. I put in little "love you notes" and packs of gum, a candy bar, a coupon for a movie from the movie rental place, reminders for Daddy and Gram to let them stay up late one night, that kind of stuff. They LOVED it! And it made me feel connected to them. Give it a try if you have time before you go.
Relax, Sarah. ( I know that's a tall order!) Go armed with all the knowledge you have gained here since May and all the resolve you have shown, and you will be fine.
Oh, and don't forget to get a phone card for yourself so you can hear his voice every day!
Take care!
Jomey
The first time I left my kids was to go across country for my brother's wedding (we couldn't afford for all of us to go, so I went on my own) I left little brown paper bags for each of the kids to open - one for each day I was gone. I put in little "love you notes" and packs of gum, a candy bar, a coupon for a movie from the movie rental place, reminders for Daddy and Gram to let them stay up late one night, that kind of stuff. They LOVED it! And it made me feel connected to them. Give it a try if you have time before you go.
Relax, Sarah. ( I know that's a tall order!) Go armed with all the knowledge you have gained here since May and all the resolve you have shown, and you will be fine.
Oh, and don't forget to get a phone card for yourself so you can hear his voice every day!
Take care!
Jomey
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi HL,
I know you can do this. There are two guys counting on you. Your son and your dad. Your son looks up to you to meet all his needs. If you let yourself down with alcohol, your guilt and shame will be a burden to you when you return.
Your dad really wants to spend quality time with you during this visit. Wow! That is awesome. Cherish that time with him. Don't let your thoughts be consumed by the enemy (alcohol). The enemy has robbed you of precious time in the past. Don't give away anymore of your time.
You sound anxious. Start doing some deep breathing exercises. Find a mantra to chant while inhaling and exhaling. Like
Deep breath in and think "Faith In"
Long exhale out and think "Fear Out" or something to that effect.
Start doing the deep breathing exercises now and throughout your trip. When you become anxious before or during a visit with relatives, you can do your breathing exercise right in front of them and no one will know. But you will have a few seconds to compose yourself and then move on.
I also suggest planning ahead for what non-alcoholic beverage will be in your hand. Have something handy or have a suggestion of what you would like on the tip of your tongue.
We are here for you and cheering you on!
I know you can do this. There are two guys counting on you. Your son and your dad. Your son looks up to you to meet all his needs. If you let yourself down with alcohol, your guilt and shame will be a burden to you when you return.
Your dad really wants to spend quality time with you during this visit. Wow! That is awesome. Cherish that time with him. Don't let your thoughts be consumed by the enemy (alcohol). The enemy has robbed you of precious time in the past. Don't give away anymore of your time.
You sound anxious. Start doing some deep breathing exercises. Find a mantra to chant while inhaling and exhaling. Like
Deep breath in and think "Faith In"
Long exhale out and think "Fear Out" or something to that effect.
Start doing the deep breathing exercises now and throughout your trip. When you become anxious before or during a visit with relatives, you can do your breathing exercise right in front of them and no one will know. But you will have a few seconds to compose yourself and then move on.
I also suggest planning ahead for what non-alcoholic beverage will be in your hand. Have something handy or have a suggestion of what you would like on the tip of your tongue.
We are here for you and cheering you on!
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
You can do this, I know you can! I can't add much to the already mentioned great ideas, I like them a lot. You know what you're facing, so just build up a lot of resolve and take it a minute at a time once you get there (the hardest part, even with tons of practice!). A couple of times when I've been in a situation like this I've pretended some SR people are there and will kick my @ss if I even think of saying yes to a drink. It helps a little bit .
Good luck! We'll all be here to support you when you come back.
.Good luck! We'll all be here to support you when you come back.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((HL)))
I went to my uncle's funeral, last year, and was worried about being away from SR, even though I really had no thoughts of using and was surrounded by loving family, none of which are addicts.
What helped me, was I had a phone number of a friend I have met here. She called me, several times, on the 20-hour-drive, and kept me company, and I called her several times when I just needed to talk. I had also taken my laptop, and was able to sneak in a visit to SR.
I don't know if you're comfortable with that, but I'd be glad to give you my phone number if it's something you think would help. I now have several phone numbers of people here, and it's like a security blanket for me.
You'll be fine, sweetie. We won't be there in person, but we'll darn sure be there in spirit.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I went to my uncle's funeral, last year, and was worried about being away from SR, even though I really had no thoughts of using and was surrounded by loving family, none of which are addicts.
What helped me, was I had a phone number of a friend I have met here. She called me, several times, on the 20-hour-drive, and kept me company, and I called her several times when I just needed to talk. I had also taken my laptop, and was able to sneak in a visit to SR.
I don't know if you're comfortable with that, but I'd be glad to give you my phone number if it's something you think would help. I now have several phone numbers of people here, and it's like a security blanket for me.
You'll be fine, sweetie. We won't be there in person, but we'll darn sure be there in spirit.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Jomey - Wonderful idea with the surprise bag of goodies. I am definitely going to do that one. He won't want me to come back! LOL!w
Pelican - I will start practicing the deep breathing exercises. That makes a lot of sense.
Colagirl - You added a lot to this. I love the idea of the SR people with me and kicking my butt. I think I'll take Dee and Jules because I know they WOULD kick my butt if I drank!!
I am getting so much out of this thread. I hope is helping someone else to faced with this kind of thing.
Pelican - I will start practicing the deep breathing exercises. That makes a lot of sense.
Colagirl - You added a lot to this. I love the idea of the SR people with me and kicking my butt. I think I'll take Dee and Jules because I know they WOULD kick my butt if I drank!!
I am getting so much out of this thread. I hope is helping someone else to faced with this kind of thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Thanks Amy and I do have one phone number to use, but I sure wouldn't mind more if needed. I will take my cell, but I am unsure on the long distance coverage part yet. We have a new package and I haven't had time to read up on because of SR. yeah its SR's fault! How's that for transferring the blame? LOL! Love all you people so much!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I know you can do this too! I understand it's stressful-especially being away from your son but I also believe you are stronger than you know.You've worked so hard for your sobriety I am positive you will continue to do so while you're away.
Just remember that we will all be here waiting for you when you return and we'll all be thinking of you while you're away too.You won't be as far away from SR as you think.You have a lot of people here that love and care about you-and that makes you close to our hearts no matter where you are physically.
Much love,
Julesxox
P.S Trust Dee to go stealing all my good ideas LOL.Nice to know I have some every now and again though
Just remember that we will all be here waiting for you when you return and we'll all be thinking of you while you're away too.You won't be as far away from SR as you think.You have a lot of people here that love and care about you-and that makes you close to our hearts no matter where you are physically.
Much love,
Julesxox
P.S Trust Dee to go stealing all my good ideas LOL.Nice to know I have some every now and again though
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Originally Posted by Horselover 
I love the idea of the SR people with me and kicking my butt. I think I'll take Dee and Jules because I know they WOULD kick my butt if I drank!!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Hi Horsie - I know you can do this too.
Think of the wonderful sober visit you will have with your dad. Invision yourself saying "no thank you" when you are offered a drink. Look at the sweet little picture of your son in the locket.
I loved Jomeys idea of the little bag. I did something similar when my kids were small.
Bottom line Horsie - I truly believe that you are going to be okay and that you are stonger than you are giving yourself credit for.
Looking forward to hearing about your trip when you get back.
Big hugs,
Suzette
Think of the wonderful sober visit you will have with your dad. Invision yourself saying "no thank you" when you are offered a drink. Look at the sweet little picture of your son in the locket.
I loved Jomeys idea of the little bag. I did something similar when my kids were small.
Bottom line Horsie - I truly believe that you are going to be okay and that you are stonger than you are giving yourself credit for.
Looking forward to hearing about your trip when you get back.
Big hugs,
Suzette
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Hi Horselover! This reminds me of the situation I was in back in April when I wrote my thread "Thin Ice". I went to Boston for a funeral & was as close as I've ever been to caving. I only had 3 mos. then though, and was still weak at times. Getting through that huge temptation made all the difference to me. When I came back home I was so surprised & pleased with myself! It made me stronger and more resolved than ever to hold on to the precious gift of sobriety. I proved to myself I really didn't need anesthesia to get through a rough time or social event. Who knew?
We all become nostalgic about our drinking days, remembering the relaxing and fun times - but when is the last time it was really like that for us? When I admitted it was over for me, I grieved over the loss of it - I'd always relied on it for comfort - now what would happen to me? In reality, all alcohol did in the end was make me crazy, weak, and dumb as hell - a danger to myself and others. It's poison to us now, & it would be a nightmare to try and get back off it if we ever let it get it's hooks into us again.
You've clawed your way up out of a very deep, dark place. Do not go back down there. We love you. Joanie
We all become nostalgic about our drinking days, remembering the relaxing and fun times - but when is the last time it was really like that for us? When I admitted it was over for me, I grieved over the loss of it - I'd always relied on it for comfort - now what would happen to me? In reality, all alcohol did in the end was make me crazy, weak, and dumb as hell - a danger to myself and others. It's poison to us now, & it would be a nightmare to try and get back off it if we ever let it get it's hooks into us again.
You've clawed your way up out of a very deep, dark place. Do not go back down there. We love you. Joanie
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