burning question! Definetly need input on this one........
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Great thread.
Blacking out just might be the one single thing keeping me from drinking again. And I'm not even having cravings at this point! But oh my god... when I think back to how I felt the next day, waking up and realizing that I honest-to-god COULD NOT REMEMBER bits of my night... I can't explain how scary that was.
It started off happening not that often, and usually I just wouldn't remember going to bed the night before. I had probably passed out late at night, anyway, so what was the big deal? It was late, kids were asleep, husband was asleep, as far as he knew/remembered, I just stayed up late watching tv, reading, or surfing the net. So what if I didn't remember falling asleep?
Then it started happening more often. Then it started happening earlier in the evenings, not just at bedtime.
The last time - my last night of drinking - I blacked out from approximately 6 p.m. - 8:15 p.m. While cooking dinner. While interacting with my family. While trying to walk around and do things and act like I wasn't drunk (because I was, as usual, hiding my drinking). I had had an entire 375ml bottle of peppermint schnapps (WTF was I thinking?!?), supplemented by 3 or 4 shots of straight rum and scotch - whichever bottle would "hide" the fact that a couple of shots were missing the best. I downed all of that in about 45 minutes, maybe an hour. Oh, and I think I chugged a beer in there somewhere, too.
I remember standing at the stove, cooking the italian sausage & tomato sauce to go with the pasta. The next thing I remember, it was over 2 hours later and I was in the bedroom and my husband was coming in to tell me that our 5-year-old was upset because I wasn't coming in to sing to him (I sing to him every night). I went in and sang to him, and then me and hubby had a long damn talk. I somehow sobered up very quickly once that started happening. I don't remember EVERYTHING from the rest of that night, but I remember most of it.
But knowing that I was walking around, talking, saying and doing god knows what, in front of my husband and two kids, all the while thinking - no, being POSITIVE - that they had no idea I'd been drinking.... well, it scares the bejeesus out of me.
Blacking out just might be the one single thing keeping me from drinking again. And I'm not even having cravings at this point! But oh my god... when I think back to how I felt the next day, waking up and realizing that I honest-to-god COULD NOT REMEMBER bits of my night... I can't explain how scary that was.
It started off happening not that often, and usually I just wouldn't remember going to bed the night before. I had probably passed out late at night, anyway, so what was the big deal? It was late, kids were asleep, husband was asleep, as far as he knew/remembered, I just stayed up late watching tv, reading, or surfing the net. So what if I didn't remember falling asleep?
Then it started happening more often. Then it started happening earlier in the evenings, not just at bedtime.
The last time - my last night of drinking - I blacked out from approximately 6 p.m. - 8:15 p.m. While cooking dinner. While interacting with my family. While trying to walk around and do things and act like I wasn't drunk (because I was, as usual, hiding my drinking). I had had an entire 375ml bottle of peppermint schnapps (WTF was I thinking?!?), supplemented by 3 or 4 shots of straight rum and scotch - whichever bottle would "hide" the fact that a couple of shots were missing the best. I downed all of that in about 45 minutes, maybe an hour. Oh, and I think I chugged a beer in there somewhere, too.
I remember standing at the stove, cooking the italian sausage & tomato sauce to go with the pasta. The next thing I remember, it was over 2 hours later and I was in the bedroom and my husband was coming in to tell me that our 5-year-old was upset because I wasn't coming in to sing to him (I sing to him every night). I went in and sang to him, and then me and hubby had a long damn talk. I somehow sobered up very quickly once that started happening. I don't remember EVERYTHING from the rest of that night, but I remember most of it.
But knowing that I was walking around, talking, saying and doing god knows what, in front of my husband and two kids, all the while thinking - no, being POSITIVE - that they had no idea I'd been drinking.... well, it scares the bejeesus out of me.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Aaaaaaand... I wrote out one more post and it got eaten by the Time-Out Monster. :P
Oh well. Suffice it to say that my blackouts were the scariest part of my drinking, and that would be the case even if I were your average drinker with no problems whatsoever.
Oh well. Suffice it to say that my blackouts were the scariest part of my drinking, and that would be the case even if I were your average drinker with no problems whatsoever.
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