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disappointing update...

Old 10-17-2008, 07:07 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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right now i want to quit but i dont want to have my parents find out. i will do whatever i can without my parents knowing. just until i graduate
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:10 PM
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everything is already ok
 
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I don't see how going to sit in a meeting to get some support or contacting a life line agency for counselling has anything to do with your parents, you keep coming back to that.

Good luck with it.
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:12 PM
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i just would have to lie about where i'm going and i dont like that. i do that enough right now... and most of my family is in some aa meeting and i would probably run into them.... i'm not trying to make excuses...
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:14 PM
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you are making excuses and thats up to you. For me I would rather stay alive and be clean rather tahn worry about who thinks what. Denial is a large part of our problem.
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:16 PM
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i'm not in denial. i know i have a problem and i know i need help but i dont want to dissappoint my parents. it would kill them to know how horrible i turned out to be.....
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:24 PM
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and if you die from using hows that gonna be?
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:27 PM
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i wont die. even if i did it would probably make things easier. that way they wouldnt have to live with me knowing how much i've screwed up
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:28 PM
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Reason after Reason for carrying on using is Denial
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:29 PM
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why don't you read what your writing is simply your dis ease speaking. Go to a meeting.
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:32 PM
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i cant. i'm not making excuses. i cant do it. i just feel like i dont deserve it
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:33 PM
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No one can fix you and no one can help you until you ask for help and then take the help offered. If you want to use thats your business, if you want to get clean then we can support you.
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:34 PM
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i want to be clean i just feel like i dont deserve it
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:35 PM
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Yep the feeling of 'I don't deserve it" is part of the addiction dialogue and kept me and many others from recovery for years and took others to their graves.

I listen to that stuff today and then tell it to %&*( off and don't act on it anymore. I talk to another addict or get to a meeting.
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:37 PM
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talking doesnt keep me from using. it makes it worse. i talk about everything and all the emotions come back and i'm overwhelmed and cant handle it so i shoot up...
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:43 PM
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it's possible but it's just a lot for me to handle right now. i just don't have a lot of time right now for anything
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:46 PM
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No Time!

I do wish you well, if you get and work a prgram its possible to stop and get a good life.
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:47 PM
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I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, actually, no I'm not:

1) stop looking for attention on an Internet forum board. Keep reading, posting and looking for help, but stop repeating the same useless and lame excuses for not taking positive actions.

2) get off your A$$ and open up the yellow/blue pages and look for financial counselors, AA meetings, abuse counselors, NA meetings, and help for any other area you feel your life is out of control.

3) stop feeling sorry for yourself, which will not help you in any way, and start taking responsibility for yourself. You may be only 17, but it's your life and you have a responsibility to get it under control. Asking for help is not weakness, but rather it's taking an intelligent path of having those who have the information and expertise to help you to do so.

4) get ready for a rough road, but one you can feel honest about and have a clean conscience about if you get clean, stop dealing, get financial help, and be honest with yourself and those in your life. After you straighten yourself out, you can give back by helping others, but don't worry about that yet.

5) be ready to make mistakes. Don't be ready to not learn from them, to repeat them, nor to not take responsibility for them.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, making excuses and start working hard and earning your own self-respect.

BMUS
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:56 PM
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i appreciate your honesty and i'm sorry if i come off that way. i'm not doing this for attention i'm doing this because i need help and i need to get better. not for attention and not to make excuses.
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Old 10-17-2008, 08:01 PM
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Then why are you doing it? People have given you the information you need to start with. Take it and use it. Only you can start.

I appreciate you're reaching out for help/acknowledgment here, but you have to act beyond an Internet forum.

BMUS
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Old 10-17-2008, 08:05 PM
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i understand and i appreciate you being honest. i was just hoping someone knew an option that i thought was best. i know i have to make the first step and i will when i'm ready. i don't feel sorry for myself either...
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