It's hard to stay away
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 4
It's hard to stay away
Here I am, I'm on a online site because I'm terrified to tell an actual person that I might have a problem. Today has just been one of those days that I can't shake off. It's only been a few days since I used but I feel like it's been forever, all I can think about is getting more how to keep it from getting back to my boyfriend. The only reason I've been clean at all is for him. He sees that I use and it scares him, I've told him I'm in control and always have been but I don't think he trusts me anymore to be truthful. I don't blame him either, drug addicts lie. Old habits are hard to break and I've been lieing for years. But I want to change that. I want to change myself but I don't know how to start. I'm not even confident that I can ever really be off for good. I tried a anonymous meeting but I felt really out of place. It seemed most the members there were recovery with a strong faith in God to help them and I don't have that faith on my side. In short this is just another story from someone else who is confused.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
To start with you could read the posts of people in the Substance Abuse forum, or even just the posts here in Newcomers. Read some of our stories. Our problems and how we quit drinking or drugging. Lots of good suggestions in our stories. I would just start by reading as much here as you can and applying our experience to yours, to see how you're the same and how you're different.
You've come to a good place for support and advice on getting clean and sober. Welcome!
:ghug3
You've come to a good place for support and advice on getting clean and sober. Welcome!
:ghug3
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to SR!
We are glad you are here and reaching out! Lots of support and information here. There is a secular forum here, substance abusers forum, and more. Each section has stickies at the top with valuable information.
Try not to use for one day at a time. Just today, stay clean. Changing your routine helps a lot. Try reading here today and tonight instead of using. Stay focused.
We're pulling for you.
You'll also see from our posts, we don't always get it right the first time. We're all trying together!
We are glad you are here and reaching out! Lots of support and information here. There is a secular forum here, substance abusers forum, and more. Each section has stickies at the top with valuable information.
Try not to use for one day at a time. Just today, stay clean. Changing your routine helps a lot. Try reading here today and tonight instead of using. Stay focused.
We're pulling for you.
You'll also see from our posts, we don't always get it right the first time. We're all trying together!
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Welcome Comingclean! When I first posted a year ago I was terrified to tell my husband. Well, as time went by, I did share with him and ever since I got honest with him things have been so much better for me, I also go into a 12 step program which has helped me a lot! NA.
blessings, Sheila keep on posting!
blessings, Sheila keep on posting!
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
ComingClean,
Sharing and reading here at SR has been really helpful for me, in my sobriety. And I hope it will be for you too. I'm glad you're here.
I wonder if you've thought about a treatment center? I went through a 12 week outpatient program that my insurance covered (minus a co-pay, of course). It gave me steadier legs. It taught me a whole lot and gave me confidence.
Also, you know, don't completely rule out a 12 step program with one mtg. Or even a couple. If you live in a metropolitan area, there are bound to be a lot of different choices. In my town, the different mtgs have different personalities. Some, I was less comfortable with. Others, I was more comfortable with.
And, I guess I feel like sharing one other thing withyou - I was really not comfortable with the idea of God or a Higher Power at first. And then I forgot to worry about it. You know what I mean? The word God is so loaded that people don't like it. And they miss out on the other stuff at the mtgs which is 99% of it. God is personal and not defined by anyone else for other people. You define your Higher Power.
For me, AA is a life line. The Speaker's Mtgs in particular. Try going to one of those before you just give up on the whole program.
AA's not for everyone and I'm not trying to say it is. But if you are really serious about getting clean, you might have to do something that is out of your comfort zone to help you.
I can't help saying one last thing (sorry) - I initially got sober for my husband. I just couldn't stand to see the hurt and disappointment in his face anymore. I felt like such a loser. But after about 6 months, I realized I was staying sober for myself. I hope you can hang in there until you begin to feel the desire to be clean for yourself and not just for your boyfriend.
I'm rooting for you.
Sharing and reading here at SR has been really helpful for me, in my sobriety. And I hope it will be for you too. I'm glad you're here.
I wonder if you've thought about a treatment center? I went through a 12 week outpatient program that my insurance covered (minus a co-pay, of course). It gave me steadier legs. It taught me a whole lot and gave me confidence.
Also, you know, don't completely rule out a 12 step program with one mtg. Or even a couple. If you live in a metropolitan area, there are bound to be a lot of different choices. In my town, the different mtgs have different personalities. Some, I was less comfortable with. Others, I was more comfortable with.
And, I guess I feel like sharing one other thing withyou - I was really not comfortable with the idea of God or a Higher Power at first. And then I forgot to worry about it. You know what I mean? The word God is so loaded that people don't like it. And they miss out on the other stuff at the mtgs which is 99% of it. God is personal and not defined by anyone else for other people. You define your Higher Power.
For me, AA is a life line. The Speaker's Mtgs in particular. Try going to one of those before you just give up on the whole program.
AA's not for everyone and I'm not trying to say it is. But if you are really serious about getting clean, you might have to do something that is out of your comfort zone to help you.
I can't help saying one last thing (sorry) - I initially got sober for my husband. I just couldn't stand to see the hurt and disappointment in his face anymore. I felt like such a loser. But after about 6 months, I realized I was staying sober for myself. I hope you can hang in there until you begin to feel the desire to be clean for yourself and not just for your boyfriend.
I'm rooting for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 4
I did put a bit of thought into rehab but I don't think I could do it with my fiances, I'm just getting out on my own, I don't even have a real job right now and I no clue how to use insurance or the native care I get... the real world is a tough place.
I probably will find my way back to a meeting, there is only one group I know of in town for narcotics. There's lots of AA meetings but that's not what I have a problem with.
I'm thinking my next step is to tell someone I'm serious about, (probably my best friend) he'll hold me to it and I know he won't judge me. I think this could help because I see other people have "sponsors" and I think he could do that for me because he has also been there.
I probably will find my way back to a meeting, there is only one group I know of in town for narcotics. There's lots of AA meetings but that's not what I have a problem with.
I'm thinking my next step is to tell someone I'm serious about, (probably my best friend) he'll hold me to it and I know he won't judge me. I think this could help because I see other people have "sponsors" and I think he could do that for me because he has also been there.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Lots of people in my AA mtgs are addicts. They seem to participate in the exact same way as the alcoholics.
I don't know about the idea of having your friend be your sponsor of sorts. That sounds like a good way to lose a friend. It's one thing to have friends who are supportive and who you are completely honest with. It's another thing entirely to expect them to "hold you to it." No one can hold you to it but you. My sponsor is AA guides me, supports me, helps me work the steps, encourages me. But she doesn't take responsiblity for my sobriety. That's all on me.
Don't let your brain come up with all kinds of reasons why you can't get help. That's just your addiction hanging on for dear life.
Speaking of life - think of getting clean as a matter of life or death. Because it is.
If you were in the passenger side of a tuck that had gone off a cliff, and you were hanging there in the balance, would you say, I can't climb out the back window because it's not open? Or would you open it?
Would you say I can't turn off the engine, because I'm not the driver? Or would you turn off the engine?
Would you say I can't call for help because it's not my cell phone tucked into the pants pocket of the injured driver? Or would you grab that cell phone and call for help?
Would you say I'm too scared, I'm not comfortable, this isn't for me, I don't know how to do this?
Or would you look down into the rocky valley below and feel the fear of falling and crashing into it, and decide to do whatever it takes to get to safe ground?
In my experience, getting sober was not about what was convenient, comfortable, readily available and easy.
Getting sober, for me, was about setting aside all of my excuses and doing whatever it took. Because my life was as stake. Because my marriage was at stake. Because my children's well-being was at stake. Absolutely everything that mattered to me depended upon me reaching deep down inside myself, banishing all of my excuses, and moving forward into a scary, scary, scary place.
I hope you find that strength to do more than talk about coming clean. But to actually take serious action every day - call and get more information about the resources in your area instead of just saying I don't know how to use those resources. Go to an AA mtg each day until you find one you are marginally comfortable in. (I'm never completely comfortable in any of them - that's not the point - if it was we'd all be at the bar - that's where I'm most comfortable.)
And get a sponsor. Not because you want to talk to someone you don't know about intimate things in your life. But because countless people before you have achieved sobriety in this way and you are trusting the authority of their experience over the authority of your addiction.
At least, if your serious about getting clean.
I don't know about the idea of having your friend be your sponsor of sorts. That sounds like a good way to lose a friend. It's one thing to have friends who are supportive and who you are completely honest with. It's another thing entirely to expect them to "hold you to it." No one can hold you to it but you. My sponsor is AA guides me, supports me, helps me work the steps, encourages me. But she doesn't take responsiblity for my sobriety. That's all on me.
Don't let your brain come up with all kinds of reasons why you can't get help. That's just your addiction hanging on for dear life.
Speaking of life - think of getting clean as a matter of life or death. Because it is.
If you were in the passenger side of a tuck that had gone off a cliff, and you were hanging there in the balance, would you say, I can't climb out the back window because it's not open? Or would you open it?
Would you say I can't turn off the engine, because I'm not the driver? Or would you turn off the engine?
Would you say I can't call for help because it's not my cell phone tucked into the pants pocket of the injured driver? Or would you grab that cell phone and call for help?
Would you say I'm too scared, I'm not comfortable, this isn't for me, I don't know how to do this?
Or would you look down into the rocky valley below and feel the fear of falling and crashing into it, and decide to do whatever it takes to get to safe ground?
In my experience, getting sober was not about what was convenient, comfortable, readily available and easy.
Getting sober, for me, was about setting aside all of my excuses and doing whatever it took. Because my life was as stake. Because my marriage was at stake. Because my children's well-being was at stake. Absolutely everything that mattered to me depended upon me reaching deep down inside myself, banishing all of my excuses, and moving forward into a scary, scary, scary place.
I hope you find that strength to do more than talk about coming clean. But to actually take serious action every day - call and get more information about the resources in your area instead of just saying I don't know how to use those resources. Go to an AA mtg each day until you find one you are marginally comfortable in. (I'm never completely comfortable in any of them - that's not the point - if it was we'd all be at the bar - that's where I'm most comfortable.)
And get a sponsor. Not because you want to talk to someone you don't know about intimate things in your life. But because countless people before you have achieved sobriety in this way and you are trusting the authority of their experience over the authority of your addiction.
At least, if your serious about getting clean.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: joshua tree ca.
Posts: 10
Do it for yourself
I am new to recovery, but I do believe that in order to be successfull,you do have to do it for yourself. I have tried before to quit for other people, people just let you down. Once I decided to do it for myself, I have been clean (and happy!) for the first time in 27 years. funny thing, all the people I tried to get clean for have either relapsed,or were using and lying about it!!!!!! .......VIVA DE EVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!
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