Habitual Relapser
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6
Habitual Relapser
Hi friends. I am feeling a bit hungover today - because I broke another promise to myself last night and drank. I'm not new to this stuff, that's why I struggle so much. I went into treatment the first time when I was 16 - I am now 43 - through the years I have strung together as many as 8 years of sobriety - but as soon as a big change occurs in my life, I seem to think I can be 'normal'. I convinced my husband of that (who passed away from leukemia 3 years ago) - but he was quickly educated as to my inability to drink socially - and now, more recent, I convinced my boyfriend that maybe I just never got to drink like everyone else - it started out fine - but has snowballed into a worse scenerio than the last time I got sober. I just feel like I am never going to beat the compulsion that comes over me in the afternoon on the way home. I am reaching out - I contacted my old sponsor - and plan to go to as many lunch time meetings as I can - I just feel helpless - and like a fool - of course I can't remember nearly anything from my drinking capades! I just want to get my old life back - I used to like who I was - now I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I have a lot of work to do - adn I am just grateful that you all are here for me to get this out of my head - I need to be accountable to some people. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
hello itsworthit
wow can i really relate to your post here. I'm in a very simalar place to yours.
may i say (ok i will!) that you can build yourself back up again. starting right now if possible. when you can let go of the remorse over your mistakes, it wil free up some energy that you can apply toward your recovery. sounds like you know how to use meetings to help you, and others, recover.
one thing that I heard in your post above is that you "want your old life back". the life of sobriety. so i want to throw this at you, and maybe it will be helpful, if not let it go out the other ear! FOR ME...I have to let go of this wanting "what I used to be".
wanting what i used to be in my 8 years of sobriety. wanting what i used to be when i smoked pot and it seemed like there were some fun times. I can't be what "I used to be". I can only be what I AM. and what I AM can only happen in the now.
anyway sometimes i kind've think about that too
take care and good luck today and i hope you have(had) a nice lunch time meeting. you got me thinking about going out for a lunch time meeting myself
thanks
wow can i really relate to your post here. I'm in a very simalar place to yours.
may i say (ok i will!) that you can build yourself back up again. starting right now if possible. when you can let go of the remorse over your mistakes, it wil free up some energy that you can apply toward your recovery. sounds like you know how to use meetings to help you, and others, recover.
one thing that I heard in your post above is that you "want your old life back". the life of sobriety. so i want to throw this at you, and maybe it will be helpful, if not let it go out the other ear! FOR ME...I have to let go of this wanting "what I used to be".
wanting what i used to be in my 8 years of sobriety. wanting what i used to be when i smoked pot and it seemed like there were some fun times. I can't be what "I used to be". I can only be what I AM. and what I AM can only happen in the now.
anyway sometimes i kind've think about that too
take care and good luck today and i hope you have(had) a nice lunch time meeting. you got me thinking about going out for a lunch time meeting myself
thanks
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Welcome to SR.
I have been a habitual Relapser for over 15 years myself and I'm 46 now. I am currently enjoying my longest length of sobriety and it really is the first time I believe I am truly in recovery. Not because I think I can drink "normal" but because I know longer have the desire. It's a very nice feeling. SR has been a big part of my recovery along with AA so stick around, you may find that extra little something you need to retire from your relapse career.
I haven't shared this before but my Aunt took me to an AA meeting when I was 18. Then 15 years ago I walked into my first AA meeting on my own and have been through 3 out and 3 in patient treatment centers. My point is no matter how many false starts/relapses we have it is still possible to get and stay sober even though it gets worse out there and each time we stop drinking again it seems harder to stay sober.
My experience.
Peace and joy are just one thought away. It's there for you closer then you think.
I'm glad you found us. Together we can do this.
I have been a habitual Relapser for over 15 years myself and I'm 46 now. I am currently enjoying my longest length of sobriety and it really is the first time I believe I am truly in recovery. Not because I think I can drink "normal" but because I know longer have the desire. It's a very nice feeling. SR has been a big part of my recovery along with AA so stick around, you may find that extra little something you need to retire from your relapse career.
I haven't shared this before but my Aunt took me to an AA meeting when I was 18. Then 15 years ago I walked into my first AA meeting on my own and have been through 3 out and 3 in patient treatment centers. My point is no matter how many false starts/relapses we have it is still possible to get and stay sober even though it gets worse out there and each time we stop drinking again it seems harder to stay sober.
My experience.
Peace and joy are just one thought away. It's there for you closer then you think.
I'm glad you found us. Together we can do this.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome to our recovery community
On our Alcoholism Forum...the 2nd top sticky post
has excerpts from the book that convinced me to finally quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I took that information ...re connected with God and AA
and have not had another drink.
Yes! you too can recover ..
On our Alcoholism Forum...the 2nd top sticky post
has excerpts from the book that convinced me to finally quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I took that information ...re connected with God and AA
and have not had another drink.
Yes! you too can recover ..
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to a great place for support and useful info. Read our stories to see how some of us finally managed to stay sober one day at a time. Staying sober takes a lot of effort, but it can be done.
I used to want my old life back, but it's gone and I can't get it back. I like my new sober life better than I liked my old life. I wasn't the best person I could be in my old life. Now I'm learning better ways to live and am much happier.
You CAN make a better life for yourself without alcohol. But you have to really want it and be willing to work hard for it. But it really is worth it!
:ghug3
I used to want my old life back, but it's gone and I can't get it back. I like my new sober life better than I liked my old life. I wasn't the best person I could be in my old life. Now I'm learning better ways to live and am much happier.
You CAN make a better life for yourself without alcohol. But you have to really want it and be willing to work hard for it. But it really is worth it!
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Welcome to SR and thanks for posting.
If you strung together 8 years, then you know what it takes to stay sober. Sometimes we lose sight of that and then of course we relapse.
If your sponsor and AA groups are anything like the ones I attend, they will welcome you with open arms. The important thing is that you know where to go for help and that you take action to remain sober.
After my last relapse I was beat down, demoralized and I really felt helpless. It started to improve over the first week, then the next and so on. Get your head clear, focus on becoming sober and worry about the amends when you are in a position to handle it.
Thanks for posting and I look forward to reading more.
:praying
If you strung together 8 years, then you know what it takes to stay sober. Sometimes we lose sight of that and then of course we relapse.
If your sponsor and AA groups are anything like the ones I attend, they will welcome you with open arms. The important thing is that you know where to go for help and that you take action to remain sober.
After my last relapse I was beat down, demoralized and I really felt helpless. It started to improve over the first week, then the next and so on. Get your head clear, focus on becoming sober and worry about the amends when you are in a position to handle it.
Thanks for posting and I look forward to reading more.
:praying
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 58
Thank you for posting. I was sober for 5 days last week, felt really good about it too, then I relapsed this weekend. I too feel like a fool and helpless.
I am trying not to beat myself up today, but that's not working.
I know I'm not alone, but it sure feels like it.
Time to pick up, dust off and continue forward.
I am trying not to beat myself up today, but that's not working.
I know I'm not alone, but it sure feels like it.
Time to pick up, dust off and continue forward.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
you are worth it, itsworthit!!!
Recovery is...
about learning to love and value yourself enough
to stop destroying yourself.
It's about learning to change your mind and your heart.
It's about forgiving yourself and others.
It's about letting go of shame
and learning to accept your true self.
Recovery is...
about letting go of the lofty expectation of perfection
that you have placed upon yourself and others.
It's learning to love and accept yourself
and others unconditionally.
Recovery is...
about learning to use your anger
as the fuel to create something good,
rather than denying it or holding it inside
until you self-destruct or strike out at another.
Recovery is...
about learning that you have a choice.
You can choose to be hopeful rather than hopeless.
You can choose to act from faith rather than react from fear.
And you can choose to enjoy life rather than merely survive it.
Recovery is...
about learning to love and value yourself enough
to stop destroying yourself.
It's about learning to change your mind and your heart.
It's about forgiving yourself and others.
It's about letting go of shame
and learning to accept your true self.
Recovery is...
about letting go of the lofty expectation of perfection
that you have placed upon yourself and others.
It's learning to love and accept yourself
and others unconditionally.
Recovery is...
about learning to use your anger
as the fuel to create something good,
rather than denying it or holding it inside
until you self-destruct or strike out at another.
Recovery is...
about learning that you have a choice.
You can choose to be hopeful rather than hopeless.
You can choose to act from faith rather than react from fear.
And you can choose to enjoy life rather than merely survive it.
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