lostfate28

hello newcomer here im going write my problem or problems and see if anyone can relate.this has been going on for about 8years Im not sure i can change.i thinks its getting worse.i go out get drunk dont know when to stop and become crazy abusive to family or friends.then next three or so days i become deeply depressed.then next weekend im ok and controlled dont drink too much,then after that the next week it happens again when im out with people.it upsets me allot,i havent met anyone like me.well there was this one girl but she didnt have as much remorse as me for her actions.i feel so stupid because i do the same things over and over.my life is becoming very isolated because people dont want to know someone who they dont know when he will lose control.its like when im drunk i become hyper-sensitive.i think deep down im a good person,but why do i go and do this again and again.its not a nice feeling.i also have anxiety/depression issues,with no real support network.no girlfriend and abit of a loner.ive tryed cutting down,ive tryed making new friends,ive tryed aa but i couldnt relate,i tryed counselling.i just hate being the person i am and im desperate to change.

Dee74

welcome lostfate

I don't believe anyone's a lost cause - I think most of us here have felt as you do.
Coming here helped turn my life around - I hope it does for you too.

There's a ton of support here - maybe even a few answers.
Read a few threads and see if anything jumps out at you.

D

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community

All my fun bottles were empty when I began recovery
Sounds as tho yours are too.

My long term depression is why I decided to quit.
I had been diagnosed with situational depression
and once I finally quit...it vanished.

erhaps an honest talk with your doctor
about the safest way to de tox would be wise.

Good to see a new member...

gravity

My path to sobriety was self-help/spiritual books, counseling, and then AA. I have been sober almost 10 months and life is good.

I know what this is like:
but at the same time,
Through AA, I have learned to forgive myself & move on. It helps to know that the things I did when I was drunk I would never ever do sober. I am responsible for my actions but at the same time I was sick. I am a good person and I have the capacity to love, to be kind, to help others. I'm sure that this describes you as well.

There are many ways to get sober. Maybe again see a counselor for the purpose of discussing different options? Try different recovery groups? I strongly believe that it is essential to reach out to others to gain a better perspective on what you are dealing with.

Take care.

Latte

Drinking and using just made my problems worse. I could only see that when I had been clean and sober for some time.

Welcome to SR.

least

I once thought I was hopeless, that I'd never be able to maintain any length of sobriety. But I'm not hopeless and neither are you. I urge you to check out several AA meetings before you make up your mind.

Lots of support here. Take advantage of this site and the info available. You CAN stay sober, you just have to want to be sober more than you want to drink!

lostfate28

thankyou for your support messages peoples.I havent had a drink all week but this isnt my problem its the weekend binge that has taken over my life because i let it.im not drinking this weekend.i have plenty of free time so i have no excuses.i could go try look at some more AA groups close by.i let you know on my progress.i actually didnt expect this much support,i made a post on a social anxiety site and i only got one response.i use to and still do use alcohol for social interactions and to numb my social anxiety and panic.for a long time it was the only way i could get any form of confidence but then it turned to crap for along time till now.i drink to much on binges 75% of the time and get aggressive.so no longer i see any benefit.i think its best i just stay away from the stuff but i need to learn that i can still have fun act like an idiot without being drunk,not be so self concious what other people think,just be myself.let go.

Pelican

Welcome back to SR!

Glad you are still sober. Weekends can be tough. Most of us learned to change our routines. Mix things up. Clean, read, post, exercise, go to AA meetings, call sober friends.....

Read through our posts and you will find successes and failures. Learn from our mistakes.

I'm on 52 days sober. I am learning to have fun and be silly while sober. My kids think I'm having way to much fun with my sober pals tonight because I keep laughing out loud while looking at this forum! Lots of fun around here!

We are serious, concerned, witty, loving and we are all addicts!
Keep us posted on your progress.

SelfSeeking

Congrats lostfate! This is a really active site, people are responsive to posters. And there are many, many, many who can relate to the anxiety/self medicating aspect of alcohol. I have found that it's not enough to not drink, alcohol filled a hole and I have to work hard to fill that hole with something else or I feel horrible. Meetings are filling that hole for me right now. Sometimes too much free time can be hard to deal with, just as much as being too busy! Structure's a good thing.

I'm glad you came back!

four812

this weekend could be the start of a whole new life for you....

trying other meeting sounds like a good idea

some nice suggestions here for you

keep writing

thanks

bstt03

You actually sound alot like me. Except I have gotten to the point of drinking until I just could not remember at all how bad I did act. And not good to have people tell you what a jerk you made of yourself. And I can TOTALLY relate to the whole depression thing afterwards. so believe me their are others out there like you - me! I am determined to turn it around though and make a change. As the depression is getting worse and the times I do stay away from the booze, that depression, etc. starts to lift away. I wish you well and come here often this place is great!

lostfate28

im going to be honest and tell you all what i did last night.i went out got drunk i didnt go crazy.tonight i was going down the same path started to go crazy and stopped went home.i dunno if this is any progress.not really at all.i didnt get to an aa group,and i didnt have a alcohol free weekend.failed those catergories badly.i hate being socially isolated,it felt good talking with my friend.he drinks allot.the part tonight when i started to go crazy was when someone was rude to me,well i thought she was.i become hyper sensitive when i drink lots.i said sorry then she said dont say sorry thats how we started argument last time.i said ok,that was the end of it.no big deal really but because of my past abuse and issues,my brain still wants to beat me up.it wasnt to bad.i took my medicine for my anxiety/depression before.i feel okay now,i feel guilt so easily.just keeping you update.hope everyones well.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I don't believe you have to be socially isolated if you stop drinking. There are lots of things to do and places to go that don't involve alcohol.

And, I do understand the guilt and shame. It's part of the disease of alcoholism. It's part of how our brains keep us hooked. I would drink, say something nasty and feel awful - so awful, that I would mope for a day and then drink again just to relieve the miserable feelings. It's endless, a vicious cycle.

I'm glad you're taking your medication for anxiety/depression and that it helps.