catatonicrelaps

I started drinking when I was nine. I've been a daily marijuana smoker since '01. The law got me last year and after the process I am now on probation with random UA's. Instead of cheating the system I am trying to soberiety for the first time.

First came the physical withdrawals (marijuana is addictive, I don't care who says other wise - it physically hurts), then the mental rationalizing (I can smoke if I can just continue to buy detox drinks, right?), and now I have no drive to do anything. I can't focus on work, I can't focus on my art, I can't even make love to my wife. I never thought weed was so fundamental to my existence. I had a chance to smoke tonight but I didn't partake.

I can't even play music anymore - everyone I play with abuses marijuana and anything else you can think of.

I recently lost my best friend to heroin less than a month ago; you would think this would set me straight but all I want to do is smoke.

I am looking for an outlook, a perspective unknown to me. I am in rehab but I do not trust the counselor or program; I have a bitter taste in my mouth from the whole criminal justice system.

Tell me your stories. It would help.

Thanks.

Rusty Zipper

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/stories-recovery/

enillehc

I am 43 years old and, like you, I too started drinking at a very young age. And I also used more than my share of pot and other drugs. I stopped the drugs many years ago. I found when I quit using, I pretty much had to leave all my "friends" behind. It was a pretty lonely time - especially when they did not notice I wasn't there. They are still sitting on the same bar stools and now doing meth instead of pot and coke. And I'm not. I am sad that I wasted so many years of my life abusing my body and mind with a bunch of people who did not give a shi* about me.

I have been drinking steadily and at times very destructively most of my life. I spent the past 2 years clinically depressed and greiving over the untimely deaths of my parents. I gained 40 pounds and wrecked my health with a horrible diet and a constant supply of wine and booze. I felt so hopeless I could barely function. I did not want to get out of bed. I dreaded every day at my store and actually hoped I would not have customers, so I didn't have to see anyone - and they didn't have to see me. I basically bottomed out.

In Sept I was forced by chronic pain to address my condition. At my doctor visit I had to stand in front of a mirror and actually look at the train wreck that I created. I looked like 10 miles of bad road. I decided to turn it around before I freakin died! I started by quitting the alcohol. It's amazing how much you can change when you just change your mind.

Here I am 1 month later. Clear skin and eyes, 10 pounds lighter, and actually in control of my health. I started with such a mess that I thought changing would be impossible and now I see that it's not. I have the power to make my life better. I have a long way to go and, of course, it is not easy. I tell myself everyday " I don't have to like it, I just have to do it"

I hope my rambling story helps you. You can make the changes that you desire. Hold on.