Forgiveness
 

I know a lot people post about feeling guilty about their addictive behaviour and they wonder how to forgive themselves and to move on. I found this on Oprah.com and it's very easy to follow. Step 2 is especially interesting to me, "What is the hook that is keeping you from forgiving (in my case, myself)? It was that I felt comfortable with negativity, with feeling like a loser, with disrespecting myself.


4 Steps to Forgiveness

By Dr. Ned Hallowell

Step 1: Pain and Hurt

Dr. Hallowell says the first step to forgiveness is acknowledging what happened.

Talk to someone you trust and open up about how hurt, sad or angry you may feel. Let your emotions out and don't apologize for them.
Don't withdraw or isolate yourself. Stay connected and feel the pain, even though it hurts. With someone there to listen, the pain is more bearable.


Step 2: Reliving and Reflecting

Once you've had the chance to vent, you are ready to appeal to your rational side.

Ask yourself: What do you want this pain to turn into?
Look for the hook. Dr. Hallowell says the hook is what is holding you back—it's the portion of the misdeed that is causing you to hold on to your anger and resentment.
Empathize with the person who hurt you.
Remember that forgiveness is not the service of condoning. It's a service to yourself—free yourself from the poison of hatred.


Step 3: Working It Out

Dr. Hallowell says this step is difficult, but you need to analyze your anger and put your life back into perspective.

Flatten the hook and rid yourself of the anger that is keeping you from forgiveness. Praying and mediating can help.
Take inventory and give thanks for all the things you do have.
You can imagine vengeance—just don't act on it.
Think of your future. Know that you and your loved ones will be better off once you have rid yourself of any vengeful thinking.

Step 4: Renounce Your Anger and Resentment

Dr. Hallowell uses the word "renounce" because your resentful feelings may never permanently go away.

Acknowledge that your anger can come back.
If your anger does comes back, go through the process again and flatten the hook to keep moving forward.
Try to teach others the skill of forgiveness in an empathetic way.

Sounds good Anna and sounds oh so familiar :)

Kevin

That will be hard for me, but I will try. I can forgive almost anyone but myself.

But then, if my Maker loves me, who am I to disdain such unconditional love?

yeh oh so familure I am a fairly long time in recover and re-feeling when I am hurt by someone or "resentment is still what gives me the most trouble, when I have reacted to a situation and not responded all of this stuff kicks in! I do the praying for the person, the invontary on me, the empathy for where the other person@ and it can still be difficult to stop re-feeling, most times Ive had to accept and live with the re-feeling process like a constant companion and this "finding the hook" thing s interesting thanks for Oprah:-)