HappyHippie

Here's how i feel...I feel as if i want to be sober, and i also feel that no matter what after a certain period of time i'll relapse...That would in a way be a thing called a reservation??? right??? I dont want to use......i absolutely CANNOT figure my self out, and i am getting so DAMN AGGRAVATED!!!!!!! I see people at the store or driving down the road, and i cant help but to think i wish i was them, automatically assuming they are not addicts....and they dont have to worry about the things i do. I feel so pitiful, im jus a blob of misery...i cant seem to pull myself out of it. I want to get into meetings, but i go there and watch the clock, waiting for it to be over. I cant fathom the thought of putting my life and faith into someone/something else...I feel so hopeless

Hope

Please don't give up. You can do this. Check out a few meetings. Also, if you do not decide to go that route, there are many other recovery programs. The thing is to never give up on yourself.

Stop telling yourself that you can't get this. Begin telling yourself that you CAN.

Don't think about the future. Stay in today. Just don't drink or use for the next hour.... or 5 minutes at a time.

Anything that you have to do to keep yourself from using.

Look at all the recovery success that are here on this board. I bet at one time many of them felt that they were hopeless... but then they made it.

YOU CAN TOO! :ghug3

Anna

HappyHippie,

Your feelings are normal in early sobriety. I think there is a grieving process when you realize what you are giving up. It will get better.

Just do whatever you can to take your mind off things, even for a few minutes - listen to some music, watch a good movie, walk the dog, call a friend. Each day will get better.

Rainbowgirl128

yea why are the first few days such a struggle? is it that we are mourning giving up drugs/alcohol forever?

Horselover

HH - Hi! Are you powerless over it? I think that's why some decide to find their own definition of a higher power. They tried and tried and couldn't give it up by themselves. They had to find something that would take over the struggle of this addiction. If you can't find it in God or something else, some find it in the power of the group. The group can be AA or it can be SR. SR works for some people, but face to face and having to call someone works better for others. There are also other face to face groups that I would venture some on here could tell you about.

In other words, find what will work for you and make it a priority. Why do you want to stop? What do you gain from not stopping? Journaling also helps some. Whatever you do, don't give up! You are anything but hopeless with this. You are just like us and we know you can win.

least

The first few days can be such a struggle if you're going thru alcohol withdrawals, but after the first few days or weeks, I think it's a psychological thing, cause it's a big part of life that we're giving up, and it's also perhaps our self-medicating against our inner pain, so to take away our 'medication' is a big change.

As far as HH not being able to stay sober, or seeming to plan for a relapse... Just read some of my old posts. I joined in March, desperate to quit drinking, but didn't really "get it" until mid July. I think that all my failed attempts were because I still wanted to drink! In July I was so sick of myself, and so sick and tired of making myself sick and tired all the time, that my desire to stay sober was stronger than any desire I still had to drink.

I also thought I was hopeless, that I'd never stay sober, but I am staying sober and want sobriety more than I've ever wanted anything. And that, I think, is the key to staying sober - you've got to want sobriety more than anything.

Do'nt give up on yourself. Ask yourself seriously how badly to you really want sobriety. And are you willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober?

:ghug3

Rainbowgirl128

so many failed attempts here. i could go for 4 days sober but then on day 4 when i was feeling just fine physically i would get so bored and depressed that i would drink again. id think "whats the point?" and find something that i was depressed over as an excuse to get wasted. least is right that it is hard to take away the medication that we are used to for dealing with pain.

i still dont know how to handle the psychological stress, depression, and boredom. i just cant face the hangovers/withdrawal symtoms the next day. but then i thought, "would i get drunk every night if i didnt have to face conseqences the next morning?" but then, i guess none of us would be here if it werent for the negative toll addiction has/had on our lives.

hang in there HH. i feel kind of hopeless right now too.

four812

happy hippie

it is a difficult situation. if it's of any comfort you are not alone in your dilemna. I've been/am right where you are at. i GOT 4 days clean today, and today is over. it's the best i've done in a couple of months. today was very difficult.

i'm trying to chase recovery. to talk with people. find recovering people i can relate to. but when the unwanted, unsolicited, advise come my way and it isn't helping then i also know how to let things go in one ear and out the other, without offending the person who is sincerely and perhaps even genuinioly trying to help me. because i'm trying to accept every bit of help that i can get.

i don't know....i can't fix you, but i can change me.

i hope that you are able to come to terms with things at this point in your life and hange on and change things and become the best person you can be.

IO Storm

Dear Happy..

Just read your post, and thanked God for you!

See, you remind me how it was for me. I remember doing the same thing,

driving...thinking everyone else wasn't a drunk. Everyone else in a

restaurant wasn't a pillhead...everyone else in the casino could win

a couple of thousand (I did) and take it home..(I didn't).

Everyone else was..happy.

I sat in meetings and just knew I could never "make it" like those

other people were making it.

But..eventually, I did. One day at a time.

With God's help and support here..and meetings.

This place is great..don't be afraid to ask questions. We want to help.

And..good luck!

lisa1235

when i first got into recovery i was like you feeling hopeless and helpless.i kept on going to meetings and like you i was looking at the clock or just sitting there thinking god im never going to be able to do this..this old timer came over to me and said one day he was just like me i thought at first he was just going to lecture me when he said ''are you listening?''i said yeah im listening thinking he was implying something and he just responded o-yeah but do you ''hear'' what they're saying and left..this was the first meeting i remembered..and i could particapate and feel a part of..that was long ,long time ago..i've been clean ever since..and actively working the program..more importantly im happy now..you can do this ..one day at a time..

HappyHippie

I wish that when i would go to a meeting someone would reach out to me. It seems that when i go there its just a bunch of people who HAVE go be there...


:ghug


Thanks everyone