lonely, sober and needing advice
 

my best friend and i recently got help seperately from a heroin/oxy/meth/weed/whatever else we could get our hands on addiction. its been about a month and a half since i talked to him and i really miss him. he is in wisconsin and i'm in florida. i decided to get help after he got help because i knew our friendship would end if i continued to use. he knows i'm sober now but he still wont talk to me because he doesnt feel ready yet. do you think there is hope for us to be friends again? sometimes i wonder why im doing this if hes not even gonna talk to me when im sober. im just confused because if im sober too, why cant he talk to me? has anyone been through this? i really miss him.

It just takes time.

In sobriety I have made many new friends and had to let some go. People may have gotten sober but they really aren't living a life that I can be involved with.

People change, life changes and sometimes we have to change with it.

I got / stay sober for all different reasons, so I am not 100% behind the "you have to do this for yourself" mentality, I believe others benefit from ones sobriety at a very basic level. If your desire to be friends with this person got you sober than why not keep that way and maybe learn to be friends with yourself. This is a job within itself. Quite a trip actually.

Personally, when I am okay with my relationship with myself then I deal alot better with others. I am also available to be friends.

Unfortunately this means I become better at understanding that sometimes peoples plans do not include me.

Also I have learned that I can't control people nor figure them out.....it is tough. Please remember that this dude has his whole host of own issues and maybe your not priority number 1. If your like me this is hard to accept.

C

Welcome to SR GN -

I just have this to say and I hope it is accepted for what is, an opinion.


I am hoping you don't blow your sobriety because of your friend. When you made the point that "sometimes i wonder why im doing this if hes not even gonna talk to me when im sober," I thought uh oh. Maybe he sees that you are only into it because of him and right now he's trying his best and doesn't want to be responsible for your sobriety as well as his. Also you may remind him of the using time in his life and that wound may be too fresh for him to deal with right at the moment. We could speculate for forever, but I would concentrate on you at the moment IF sobriety is what you seek for yourself.

Again welcome to SR and I am sorry your friend isn't being attentive to you at the moment.

When I decided to become clean & sober I was warned VERY STERNLY that my disease would in some way, some how, put up distractions to keep me from focusing on MY recovery.

I took that warning very seriously.

When I found myself looking at others as a reason to either use OR as a reason to stay clean/sober, I QUICKLY shifted the focus back to myself.

I cannot now, nor could I ever, control the behavior of others. But my 'disease' constantly tries to tell me different.

I truly believe I have stayed clean & sober because (God willing, knock on wood) there is NO PERSON that can make me use again. and I stay clean/sober for ME first, everyone else (yes, they are important) second.

Good luck, best wishes, keep coming back. ;)

Yes, you really have to do this for yourself, not your friend.

Hopefully things will work out for you and your friend, but time will tell.