AlexHarrison

I sent this as a personal message to someone but felt i should put it on here and hopefully someone can relate and not feel alone?

I am doing quite well and have gone nearly four days sober and i feel good for it. My girlfriend has been a rock and i love her so much for it. We had a talk at the weekend (in fact it lasted nearly all weekend) and for once we didn't argue ... yer know why? BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH SOBER! Now dont get me wrong she doesn't have problems with addiction but she can get a bit moody when drunk and that can be bad. She has now stopped drinking as well and that means alot. We have been talking about going for walks and going for meals etc etc. Something that wouldn't have been an option before but with me being clean and having money it is. You see she works and i dont (i'm a musician) so she has paid for alot the four years we have been together. I had much worse addiction problems before i met her but i had never kicked my demons entirely and they crept up again at many points through the relationship. I used to be a heroin and amphetamine addict but always smoked dope too. I kicked the first two by the time i was about 20 (i am now 25) but carried on with dope as i thought it wasn't a problem but lo and behold it got worse and worse. I took ecstacy because it 'wasn't addictive' i took dope because it 'wasn't addictive' and i drank because i could handle that. OH NO NO NO i couldn't. These drugs however recreational took me to many dark places and set off some weird self harming when high. When on ecstacy i used to get cigarettes and burn my arms but not little burns but welts all down my arms. I dont know i got a buzz because when i was high it didn't hurt half as much. But then when i was just a bit drunk i started doing it and it became a problem. I haven't done it for a while now and i feel it was just the drugs bringing it out. I am now four days sober after nearly fifteen years of drug abuse and i have done that before but once and for all this sh~t is going to be gone forever and then it will be positive music and gigs where i dont need to be hammered to perform. Walks in the countryside and nice food. I love food and love cooking and i love walking and the more i think i love many things but never got round to them. This time i will definitley. Anyway i am really rambling on but i've never wrote this out before.
Alex

Ananda

I think it really helped me when i had a firm understanding in my own mind of just how bad the drinking and using was and all the things that being sober and clean bring into my life....sounds like you are off to a good start Alex, and support from those around us always helps.:ghug

whiskerkissed

Rambling is just fine...and you did it very well...:-D You still got the point across. I hope it continues to get better for you and you gf. It's hard to get where you need to be without a program by attending meetings, but you're off to a great start. It's amazing the things you begin to think about when drugs/alcohol do not get in the way. I wish you continued success!!

AlexHarrison

Thankyou i am doing well but am under no illusions i still smoke cigarettes like they're going out of fashion and i am very angry sometimes and need to take the dogs for walks they love it though as they are constantly getting walks and i end up being dead nice to them when we get to where we go. Its an old mining pit and is often deserted apart from other dog walkers and a few kids sometimes. I actually enjoy that i put my music on and go there and can have peace and quiet for a bit. Depending on what i'm listening to of course. In fact that has changed where as before i used to love angry songs and music reffering to drug culture they are really starting to **** me off so its more Ray Lamontagne than NWA recently ha ha ha.

TTOSBT

Hi Alex and welcome!
Dang, you already got the pink cloud, lucky you!
Seriously, I am so happy for you! You have done your first step and admitted that you were powerless over drugs and alcohol.
Are you going to get involved in a recovery program of some sort?
I also picked up and put down drugs throughout my life. But alcohol was the last hold out. I have been sober 5 months, I work hard at my recovery every day and I am blessed be a part of a great AA fellowship in my community.
Keep coming back and congratulations on the start of your new life! :bounce

AlexHarrison

Yes i went to a meeting last Friday and that was hard!
I have one tomorrow night too and i'm actually looking forward to that :-)
Hmm i dont know about golden clouds more like an orange haze right now but i am getting there. I know though that the haze might get a bit foggy at times but the golden cloud is possible. I like that i am going to write a song about that. I will send you it when i am done!

whiskerkissed

I attend NA and AA. I was TERRIFIED walking in there myself for the first time! Now I follow the NA program, but there are only 3 meetings a week for them, so I supplement with AA (which I've picked my fights with liquor, too). It sure has seemed to have been making a difference for me. I know where I would be without it. If it wasn't for the fellowship and the program I would have fallen back in the drowning pool by now. I have most definitely worn out my phone in those first several weeks. Now it's just once in awhile...like today...lol. It is getting better...and I certainly recommend it! Are there any more you can attend?

And you can tend to the cigarettes later...;-)