I'm back. Tail between my legs.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
I'm back. Tail between my legs.
Hi everyone. I'm not sure how many remember me. I left here when I was feeling angry and hurt and stupid. I think I upset some people, and I think I was overall very negative. All my "real world" feelings broke through in here, and I blamed you guys. All the feelings of not being strong enough or "good" enough. I dissapointed myself so much and took it out of the people here who maybe cared about me, instead of talking to the "real world" people who hurt me so much. I took the easy option.
I'm coming back because my plan was to stay sober and announce, suddenly, that I was a million months sober and somehow that would justify the way I left, didn't work. Instead I left here and drank a lot and hated myself a lot.
I'm back here now, because I have never been sober longer than I was when I was here. Even after leaving and thinking I'd taken all I could from this place I ended up sad and angry. I hope I haven't destroyed the relationships I almost built here. I hope you all (you know who you are I hope) forgive me.
I've lived these last few weeks in guilt and shame. I really hope I am forgiven - although I don't deserve it. I left here when I was in a bad place, and I come back here in a worse place. I know I don't deserve your forgivness, but I hope I get it anyway.
Please let me know how everyone is going. My heart sunk when I saw some of my friends on a lower count than when I left. I care so much for you all, I know I left without that being clear. Even though I've been gone for a while I've always thought of you guys here.
I'm coming back because my plan was to stay sober and announce, suddenly, that I was a million months sober and somehow that would justify the way I left, didn't work. Instead I left here and drank a lot and hated myself a lot.
I'm back here now, because I have never been sober longer than I was when I was here. Even after leaving and thinking I'd taken all I could from this place I ended up sad and angry. I hope I haven't destroyed the relationships I almost built here. I hope you all (you know who you are I hope) forgive me.
I've lived these last few weeks in guilt and shame. I really hope I am forgiven - although I don't deserve it. I left here when I was in a bad place, and I come back here in a worse place. I know I don't deserve your forgivness, but I hope I get it anyway.
Please let me know how everyone is going. My heart sunk when I saw some of my friends on a lower count than when I left. I care so much for you all, I know I left without that being clear. Even though I've been gone for a while I've always thought of you guys here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
LOL I must be on a different wavelength FD - I didn't pick up on any of that blaming us stuff at all 
I'm just glad you're here again - being out there, drunk, is no place to be.
Welcome back
D
I'm just glad you're here again - being out there, drunk, is no place to be.
Welcome back
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Hi ForeverDecember,
What I know is, that I had to look at myself with complete honesty, before I could get sober. There could no more hiding parts of myself that I didn't like. I had to drag them out into the light and take a close look. It sounds like that's what you're starting to do. I think you're on the right track and I'm glad you returned.
What I know is, that I had to look at myself with complete honesty, before I could get sober. There could no more hiding parts of myself that I didn't like. I had to drag them out into the light and take a close look. It sounds like that's what you're starting to do. I think you're on the right track and I'm glad you returned.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome back FD! I have missed you. Glad you've returned to SR and I hope you don't disappear again. I understand the bad place you were in with the boyfriend thing and all. Relationships are never easy and you were going through the ringer. We feel when we get sober everything needs to fall in place. We're being good and we deserve it, but it doesn't happen. Glad to see you back hon. :ghug3
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Welcome back FD..Cant forget that cute critter you got there.
I am with Dee...Maybe I missed something.
But in my own personal experience. This is a very forgiving and understanding group of folks round these parts.
Not much more to ad except glad to see you back and keep trying.
I am with Dee...Maybe I missed something.
But in my own personal experience. This is a very forgiving and understanding group of folks round these parts.
Not much more to ad except glad to see you back and keep trying.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Hi Forever, welcome back I guess I missed the scuffle too. I'm with Anna, looking at your behaviour/feelings/thoughts is very important. Try not to judge them too much, but do accept them for what they are and take responsibility for them 
Re: forgiveness... well, IME forgiving yourself can be even more challenging than "receiving" forgiveness. I felt harmed by the actions of some people. I've forgiven them long ago, yet I'm still working on forgiving myself for putting myself in those situations in the first place. Like everything, it's as ongoing process.
It's good to have you back
I guess I missed the scuffle too. I'm with Anna, looking at your behaviour/feelings/thoughts is very important. Try not to judge them too much, but do accept them for what they are and take responsibility for them Re: forgiveness... well, IME forgiving yourself can be even more challenging than "receiving" forgiveness. I felt harmed by the actions of some people. I've forgiven them long ago, yet I'm still working on forgiving myself for putting myself in those situations in the first place. Like everything, it's as ongoing process.
It's good to have you back
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