JustMe82

Sometimes I try to look inside from the outside. If that makes any sense. When I do I see that I do have a drinking problem. I am always drinking. I try to tell myself that I drink because I'm bored and drinking to make life fun but truth be told I have a problem. I drink because I'm a drunk and reallyh doing this to mask my depression. I was a big drug head in college, I did it all....a lot of it all....pot, shrooms, pills, meth, coke. I havent done drugs in 2 years. I don't think my drug past has anything to do with my current problem but I mention it because I was always an "enhancement smoker". I'm happy to be off the drugs but I feel like I am an "enhancement drinker". I traded one devil for the next.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm on this forum or what I expect to get from this. My old roomate came here with his drinking issues and he said it was very helpful.

In the last 2 years I have gone to bed sober maybe 15 times. I drink everyday. From the minute I get home from work until I fall asleep. Beer usually dosent cut it but if I'm drinking beer, i'll drink 20 without thinking twice. My drink is cheap bourban, I'll drink a fifth a night....and want more It seems like alot but anymore I don't even count the drinks.

I work 8-5 in a cube, I find that sometime in the afternoon around 3 or so I just think about the booze in my fridge or what happy hour I'm going to hit.

This messes with my work life, I'm always late and hungover at work. I drink cheap booze but I drink enough that I'd like to not spend so much money.

I've tried taking days off but then I just can't sleep so I wind up drink 6-7 nightcaps so I can sleep.

I've looked into AA but I don't think its for me. They meet 1.8 miles from my apartment and have 3 meetings a day. I've read through the 12 steps and to many of them involve god. I'm an agnostic so I don't see how I could take the steps seriously. I would hope they would help me anyways, I just can't quite get myself to go. I don't want to stand in front of strangers and talk about this stuff. I guess thats why I'm here.

I wish I could just drink on the weekends with my friends, thats what normal people do. I would be happy if I could just drink socially and stop being a drunk. Is this possible?

colagirl

Welcome justme! I know where you're coming from, my drinking pattern was similar to yours - late and hungover at work, thinking about drinking all afternoon, drinking until I pass out, lather, rinse, repeat. I thought I would never be able to break this habit, but I've done pretty well since I joined here - I don't think I could have done it on my own. I hope it's helpful for you too!

Oh - and editing to add that for me, it wouldn't be possible to become a "normal" drinker. I've tried it many, many times, and it always leads me back to the same pattern again.

back2theliving

Hi justme and welcome. I am so new to this too I was drinking a 5th of candian club a night unless I was too hungover to drink. I am only on day 14 it hasnt been easy, I am not attending AA because it is not for me either, there is a forum here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/ that is an alternative to the AA thinking, you might check that out. Just wanted to welcome you and let you know you are def not alone this site has really helped when I get the urge to drink I come here and read. You are worth it, maybe not today or tommorow but binge drinking will catch up to you and ruin your life.

I am cheering you on you can do it get sober

Change4life

Welcome to SR this is a good place to be. Trading addictions is really common. Im in a similar boat gave up drugs, but not the drink. Im tryting to get myself to AA because nothing else has worked, but also have a problem with the God. I would have to say that I think you should atleast go to a few meetings before you decide it isnt for you.

I could never fully grasp the program, but I did walk away with good advice. Just give it a try. I wish you the best and keep posting.

NewDayNow

Hi Just,

Welcome to SD

This forum has been very helpful to me. I think you’ll also find it helpful.

ed

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community

Before you abruptly stop....it is wise to see your doctor.
De toxing from alcohol is a medical issue and needs
professional advice to be done safely.

Good to see a new member...

JustMe82

Thanks to everybody for the response.

I don't know if I can do this cold turkey, but I have the whole cant only have a few. If I have one I'll drink the case. Does it seem logical to slow the train down before I jump off? Maybe this week I'll aim for 3 beers a night, after dinner...not as soon as I'm home from the office. When I have tried sober days I can't sleep and I think I read somewhere thats normal withdrawal.

I also have a weight issue and I think most of it is drinking. I don't eat a lot of junk food, I really don't eat much for lunch or dinner either, I never even eat a full plate of food when I'm eating out. I think its mostly from the beer and coke I put the booze in.

I also get alot of heartburn which I think may be caused by the drinking...I eat tums like they are candy.

It messes with me to think about this stuff. Its easier to say F it and drink.

It's not unusual at all for me to take generic tylenol each morning before work to deal with the headache. Your not supposed to take that stuff all the time, it is rough on your kidneys and liver, which is exactly what your beating up with all the drinking. Seems like a lose lose situation.

Sometimes I also get stabbing pains in my right side, right where I think the liver is...this can't be good.

A couple years ago I was in a pretty bad accident, me and 2 buddies were out getting drunk on a farm and my drunk driver friend went off the road and we flipped the truck head over tailgate a couple times. It landed all of us in the hospital...and him in jail.

Sorry for rambling. It seems like there are plenty of reasons not to drink, it's just hard not to. Writing all this out here makes me feel weird. I'm just a stupid kid who keeps sticking his hand into the fire, I know better. I don't know if I can do this.

I feel guilty being here and talking about all of this considering the breakfast beer on my desk. I really want to take this serious.

tommyk

I think I was kinda where you are.

It was all about me, woe is me, I can't do this, I can't do that... stuck in a cycle of self-induced misery.

Then a friend encouraged me to stand up, look in the mirror, and figure out what was looking back at me - a whining crying pathetic baby, or, a capable adult male?

I hated him for it at the time, and I lashed out at him verbally.

But then he told me to quit babbling like a p*ssy about what I couldn't do, and DO SOMETHING. He said go to AA meetings and don't be a whimpy-whiner when people mention God. He said ignore what I don't like and use what I NEED.

He said that my kind of sissy-a** pathetic thinking got me to where I was, and it was time to give someone else's thinking some REAL consideration.

I hated him even worse after that speech.

I love him today.

(It's okay to hate me... just do something for yourself though...okay? )

least

I too wanted desperately to be able to drink "normally", but I just can't do that. I can't control my drinking so I had to stop drinking completely. It took me months to actually quit. I quit and relapsed so many times I can't remember. I finally got so sick and tired of always being sick and tired and I am now sober 11 weeks.

Please see a doctor before stopping. Withdrawal from alcohol can be dangerous. YOu too can quit drinking. But you have to want to stay sober more than you want to drink.

:ghug3

Eclipse

No! Not for me anyway. It is a hard long process to quit, sometimes do over after do over, but once you get there it is great! So much better without the fogginess, sickness, regret. Hang in there you can do this--one minute, one day at a time.

toomuchtoosoon

i relate completely...its hard when you work with booze and all your friends drink and though they may have a problem they dont see it..Ive always been the one that sees the damage. i was sober for 2 days just now and now im back to square one, but i think that thats ok..like they say one day at a time i guess