big melt down on the home front
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Wow...
When I was released from rehab in 1994, my son was 9. I received papers
the next day..ex hubby and his wife wanted primary residence due to my
"instability". I was to meet with his lawyer. I was heavily medicated...
On the day of the meeting..my boyfriend and father were to meet me at
the attorney's office. They were 30 minutes late. I arrived early.
Ex's attorney browbeat me into thinking I would lose my son entirely..
if i did not sign those papers right then and there..
That is what he said.
"You could lose him, Ms. ______"
I signed over my boy. Primary residence, most of the child support.
They made me feel like a sick animal. My father and BF showed up
to find me shaking and crying uncontrollably in the parking lot.
Strange..a couple of years later...I obtained a great attorney.
He looked at the papers. He said that I NEVER should have signed
anything. Even without counsel they would not have stood up
in any court of law. I had gone to rehab and was sober.
End of story. So..I got him back.
But..it was in God's time..I really wasn't ready until the exact date
he was brought to my doorstep.
Don't let these people push you around Least!
Your rights as the parent override anything they have..
What is it you really want? Are you ready hun?
I am praying for you...
When I was released from rehab in 1994, my son was 9. I received papers
the next day..ex hubby and his wife wanted primary residence due to my
"instability". I was to meet with his lawyer. I was heavily medicated...
On the day of the meeting..my boyfriend and father were to meet me at
the attorney's office. They were 30 minutes late. I arrived early.
Ex's attorney browbeat me into thinking I would lose my son entirely..
if i did not sign those papers right then and there..
That is what he said.
"You could lose him, Ms. ______"
I signed over my boy. Primary residence, most of the child support.
They made me feel like a sick animal. My father and BF showed up
to find me shaking and crying uncontrollably in the parking lot.
Strange..a couple of years later...I obtained a great attorney.
He looked at the papers. He said that I NEVER should have signed
anything. Even without counsel they would not have stood up
in any court of law. I had gone to rehab and was sober.
End of story. So..I got him back.
But..it was in God's time..I really wasn't ready until the exact date
he was brought to my doorstep.
Don't let these people push you around Least!
Your rights as the parent override anything they have..
What is it you really want? Are you ready hun?
I am praying for you...
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
What I really want is to be a good loving mother to my last kid, while she's still "in my care". I want to help her feel better about herself and ditch these hateful "friends" she's hanging with now. I want her to be happy with herself and learn good judgement, which she doesn't have right now. I want to be her mother for the last two years she's in high school, so that she will be prepared to be on her own when she's done with school.
I want to be perfect, but that's not possible, so I want to be very good.
I want to be perfect, but that's not possible, so I want to be very good.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Least,
I'm really sorry you are suffering so much. How close in proximity is your daughter's current home to your home? While she's been living there, what kind of visits or correspondence have you had with her?
Your words, " I am scared to death and feel like God hates me or is punishing me for something. I can't take any more of this sh!t. I'm already beyond my limit." are very scarey words to me. I'm sorry you're so frightened. God doesn't hate you and is not punishing you. I can promise you that. Keep putting one foot in front of the next. Keep taking another breath and then another. Be very gentle with yourself right now!
I'm glad you're posting here. I know we all are praying for you and trying our best to help in the limited ways that we can. If I were right there beside you, I would bring over some flowers and tell you I care and ask what I could do to help.
I'm really sorry you are suffering so much. How close in proximity is your daughter's current home to your home? While she's been living there, what kind of visits or correspondence have you had with her?
Your words, " I am scared to death and feel like God hates me or is punishing me for something. I can't take any more of this sh!t. I'm already beyond my limit." are very scarey words to me. I'm sorry you're so frightened. God doesn't hate you and is not punishing you. I can promise you that. Keep putting one foot in front of the next. Keep taking another breath and then another. Be very gentle with yourself right now!
I'm glad you're posting here. I know we all are praying for you and trying our best to help in the limited ways that we can. If I were right there beside you, I would bring over some flowers and tell you I care and ask what I could do to help.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
I can't imagine Least, but I'm here for you as you have been here for me and countless others. Being a Mom is so hard, but in the situation you're in is - sorry, can't come up with any words there. Just know you are in my prayers my dear.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
((((Least))))
First of all you should be proud of yourself for not drinking.
I really do not have advise on this matter, I'm a mom, but have not been through anything like this. I just pray for a solution or comprimise that works for you and your daughter. PM me anytime.
First of all you should be proud of yourself for not drinking.
I really do not have advise on this matter, I'm a mom, but have not been through anything like this. I just pray for a solution or comprimise that works for you and your daughter. PM me anytime.
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
THere is one little bright spot in all of this: I'm not drinking over it. I am actually being motivated right now to NOT drink. I am aware that I'm not adding that crap onto my head, and I'm not letting any stinking drinking thinking get the best of me.
Whatever happens, I won't drink today.
:ghug2
Whatever happens, I won't drink today.
:ghug2
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
(((Least)))
There is one part of the story I left out..but I will share. I was ranting and
raving, shouting at the walls, crying..waiting for an answer. My attorney
had written a simple letter to their attorney. I was beside myself.
I wanted him home now! ..and feared it would not happen...
My sponsor brought me up short.
She asked me to do something but told me to think hard about it first
before I did it. See..I had relapsed several times and now it is 2000.
What?
It felt like a slap in the face...I had been sober for 2 years again!
But, I did what she asked. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to
do in my life other than placing my father in a rest home. I could barely
get the words out. But I gave my son to God and asked for C's highest
good and highest best, and please ..if it was with me..then let it be so.
He arrived (legally) on my doorstep..I believe it was the next day.
What helped me at the time, too, was to keep saying..
"We have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol."
There is one part of the story I left out..but I will share. I was ranting and
raving, shouting at the walls, crying..waiting for an answer. My attorney
had written a simple letter to their attorney. I was beside myself.
I wanted him home now! ..and feared it would not happen...
My sponsor brought me up short.
She asked me to do something but told me to think hard about it first
before I did it. See..I had relapsed several times and now it is 2000.
She told me to get on my knees and pray for my son's highest good.
It felt like a slap in the face...I had been sober for 2 years again!
But, I did what she asked. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to
do in my life other than placing my father in a rest home. I could barely
get the words out. But I gave my son to God and asked for C's highest
good and highest best, and please ..if it was with me..then let it be so.
He arrived (legally) on my doorstep..I believe it was the next day.
What helped me at the time, too, was to keep saying..
"We have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol."
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
I'm sorry you are hurting, least. I know how hurtful it can be when dealing with our children. I have had my children choose to leave to live with their father before. You know, if you don't give me what I want, I'll go to Dad's. They always end up coming back.
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was send my daughter to live with her Father. We do live in the same town, but it was still very difficult. She was making bad choices and getting into a lot of trouble. She was only 13 and was heading down the wrong path and I had to intervene. With my work, I was gone from home long hours and couldn't supervise as I needed.
It has made the world of difference in her life. She is doing much better and she has a family and they do things together. They are not the Cleaver's by no means, but it was only the two of us at home and we couldn't afford to do fun things. Of course I know it is much more than doing things, but I wanted her to be able to participate in more activities. I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes we have to really hurt to do what is best for our kids. As a Mother, I can't help, but feel guilty. I love my daughter, but I know she will be okay. I wish the same for you and your daughter. I hope you can work through this and can find the best solution for the both of you. Hugs...
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was send my daughter to live with her Father. We do live in the same town, but it was still very difficult. She was making bad choices and getting into a lot of trouble. She was only 13 and was heading down the wrong path and I had to intervene. With my work, I was gone from home long hours and couldn't supervise as I needed.
It has made the world of difference in her life. She is doing much better and she has a family and they do things together. They are not the Cleaver's by no means, but it was only the two of us at home and we couldn't afford to do fun things. Of course I know it is much more than doing things, but I wanted her to be able to participate in more activities. I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes we have to really hurt to do what is best for our kids. As a Mother, I can't help, but feel guilty. I love my daughter, but I know she will be okay. I wish the same for you and your daughter. I hope you can work through this and can find the best solution for the both of you. Hugs...
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
She called me late last night for a ride home from a football game at the school, and a long walk to get home. I don't drive at night, and she knows this but still calls me anyway. I told her I was in bed, almost asleep, and couldn't come get her. Then I got worried that she'd be walking home by herself in the dark. I called her back and told her to call a taxi and if they came by my house I'd pay for it. I just couldn't sleep knowing she would have to walk home alone in the dark.
I paid the taxi, it was almost $20, but she's agreed to pay me back for some of it. I just can't leave her to walk home alone at night. Her major problem, which impacts every aspect of her life, is that she fails to make concrete plans for rides home from the event. She doesn't think about it til it's too late, and then calls me!
I went to bed rather angry for her putting me in that position. She knows I have very little money. I can't get her foster mom to set down hard and fast rules about her staying home if she can't arrange a ride home. She just leaves without asking, many times, and it's getting on my nerves.
Her lack of planning has been an issue for several years. I've talked about it to mentor and asked her to 'lay down the law', but either kid is ignoring her or she never spoke to kid about it.
Had a fleeting urge to drink today - very fleeting. By the time the thought had 'registered' in my brain I'd already refused to consider it. "Get thee behind me, Bacchus", or something like that. The cravings are getting fewer and fewer, and are easily gotten rid of. I DON'T want to go 'back there'. I know what's waiting for me and it's all sh!t, and I want no part of it.
At least college kid's cat is better now and brought him home today. I had help paying the bill but still had to pay $120 out of my own pocket, and couldn't afford to spend it - but did it anyway.
I guess I'm 'alright' today but have been feeling moody and 'out of sorts' all day and don't know why.:sorry
I paid the taxi, it was almost $20, but she's agreed to pay me back for some of it. I just can't leave her to walk home alone at night. Her major problem, which impacts every aspect of her life, is that she fails to make concrete plans for rides home from the event. She doesn't think about it til it's too late, and then calls me!
I went to bed rather angry for her putting me in that position. She knows I have very little money. I can't get her foster mom to set down hard and fast rules about her staying home if she can't arrange a ride home. She just leaves without asking, many times, and it's getting on my nerves.
Her lack of planning has been an issue for several years. I've talked about it to mentor and asked her to 'lay down the law', but either kid is ignoring her or she never spoke to kid about it.
Had a fleeting urge to drink today - very fleeting. By the time the thought had 'registered' in my brain I'd already refused to consider it. "Get thee behind me, Bacchus", or something like that. The cravings are getting fewer and fewer, and are easily gotten rid of. I DON'T want to go 'back there'. I know what's waiting for me and it's all sh!t, and I want no part of it.
At least college kid's cat is better now and brought him home today. I had help paying the bill but still had to pay $120 out of my own pocket, and couldn't afford to spend it - but did it anyway.
I guess I'm 'alright' today but have been feeling moody and 'out of sorts' all day and don't know why.:sorry
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Just want to send some cyber-support. I truly can't imagine what you are going through. You're trying to do all the right things and life just keeps throwing obstacles in your path. Keep posting here for some strength. We're with you.
BMUS
BMUS
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