Just thinkin' about stuff
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Just thinkin' about stuff
Had kind of an up and down day, went back and forth from bad to good and back again. The best part was that no matter how bad I was feeling the thought of drinking never entered my head.
So a while ago, while I was sitting at my desk, my dogs were in the room and the one (the blind one) wanted to 'play' with the other (the elderly beagirl). When he wants to 'play' he jumps around, making little barky growly noises and sort of prancing around, jumping back and forth, and generally acting silly. I couldn't help myself and burst out laughing. No one else was home so there was no one to think I'd suddenly gone mad, tho the neighbors may have heard it as my window was open.
I take such pleasure in my dogs and their silly little doggie games. Months ago I would have been on the way to getting stupid drunk, and not have been able to find amusement in the dogs or anything else, for that matter. I realized how much happier I am lately, even tho the depression and manic depression keeps me off my feet so much. I really am feeling more human and have an easier time finding things to be happy about.
I'm a better mom to my dogs than I've been in months. I take better care of them and actually have a bit of money if I need to take them to the vet, since I no longer spend ten to twenty dollars a night on wine. I'm a better mother to my human kids too, and more interested in their lives than I was when I was more interested in drinking than anything else. I no longer have to hide bottles and lie and sneak bottles in and out of the house. I don't have to worry about getting a DUI or killing someone with my car. I don't stink of sour stale wine all the time.
I don't wonder what the drive thru people say about me after I'm the first one there when they open the place at 8 am. Cop cars behind me don't worry me like they used to. I don't have to drown myself in breath spray just to be around my mom. I can actually take an interest in my daughter's pregnancy and am flattered when she asks me for advice.
No more drinking as soon as I wake up to stop the shakes. No more wasted days from hangovers/withdrawals. No more regret, guilt, shame, humiliation. All that crap is gone now, and better health is taking its place. I am very much aware that I'm only one drink away from bringing all that bad stuff back into my life, so each morning I vow not to drink today. And each night I thank God for helping me stay sober. I will never forget from whence I came or how badly I want to stay away from those horrible days.
And always, thru it all, I've been able to depend on my loving caring friends here! You never gave up on me. Never yelled at me - well, not too much, and only for my own good! Never told me I was hopeless (as I often told myself).
And all that flooded into my head just from laughing at my two silly loving dogs. My two wonderful loving dogs who never stopped loving me and always forgave me when I was less than perfect with their care.
Just wanted to tell you all this. Just wanted to tell the newcomers how good life can be again once that addiction has been kicked to the curb and renounced for the devil it truly is.
Thank you all for helping me to become 'me' again. It sure feels good!
:ghug
So a while ago, while I was sitting at my desk, my dogs were in the room and the one (the blind one) wanted to 'play' with the other (the elderly beagirl). When he wants to 'play' he jumps around, making little barky growly noises and sort of prancing around, jumping back and forth, and generally acting silly. I couldn't help myself and burst out laughing. No one else was home so there was no one to think I'd suddenly gone mad, tho the neighbors may have heard it as my window was open.
I take such pleasure in my dogs and their silly little doggie games. Months ago I would have been on the way to getting stupid drunk, and not have been able to find amusement in the dogs or anything else, for that matter. I realized how much happier I am lately, even tho the depression and manic depression keeps me off my feet so much. I really am feeling more human and have an easier time finding things to be happy about.
I'm a better mom to my dogs than I've been in months. I take better care of them and actually have a bit of money if I need to take them to the vet, since I no longer spend ten to twenty dollars a night on wine. I'm a better mother to my human kids too, and more interested in their lives than I was when I was more interested in drinking than anything else. I no longer have to hide bottles and lie and sneak bottles in and out of the house. I don't have to worry about getting a DUI or killing someone with my car. I don't stink of sour stale wine all the time.
I don't wonder what the drive thru people say about me after I'm the first one there when they open the place at 8 am. Cop cars behind me don't worry me like they used to. I don't have to drown myself in breath spray just to be around my mom. I can actually take an interest in my daughter's pregnancy and am flattered when she asks me for advice.
No more drinking as soon as I wake up to stop the shakes. No more wasted days from hangovers/withdrawals. No more regret, guilt, shame, humiliation. All that crap is gone now, and better health is taking its place. I am very much aware that I'm only one drink away from bringing all that bad stuff back into my life, so each morning I vow not to drink today. And each night I thank God for helping me stay sober. I will never forget from whence I came or how badly I want to stay away from those horrible days.
And always, thru it all, I've been able to depend on my loving caring friends here! You never gave up on me. Never yelled at me - well, not too much, and only for my own good! Never told me I was hopeless (as I often told myself).
And all that flooded into my head just from laughing at my two silly loving dogs. My two wonderful loving dogs who never stopped loving me and always forgave me when I was less than perfect with their care.
Just wanted to tell you all this. Just wanted to tell the newcomers how good life can be again once that addiction has been kicked to the curb and renounced for the devil it truly is.
Thank you all for helping me to become 'me' again. It sure feels good!
:ghug
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
That was lovely, Least. It's terrible how we sabotage ourselves with that poison. I don't believe how many years I wasted seeking that elusive high, happy, & carefree feeling I once had very briefly decades ago. Pointless to look back, though, onward we go.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 11
Thank you! What a great post.
I spoke about this at a meeting the other day....about how over the weekend (my first weekend sober in a LONG time) how some of the little goofy things my kids did just made my day, and how some of the goofy things that I enjoyed were things that would drive me crazy when I was drunk.
I'm so early in this that it's hard to imagine how things will be good and enjoyable without drinking.
You said it very well. Thanks again!
I spoke about this at a meeting the other day....about how over the weekend (my first weekend sober in a LONG time) how some of the little goofy things my kids did just made my day, and how some of the goofy things that I enjoyed were things that would drive me crazy when I was drunk.
I'm so early in this that it's hard to imagine how things will be good and enjoyable without drinking.
You said it very well. Thanks again!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
So happy for you least 
it is amazing what happens when we are able
to keep ourselves on the path of our own recovery!
What a great share! Dogs are truly amazing I agree! They keep us going with
the unconditional love...glad that you can take part in that and your daughters
pregnancy and all other things that you are more aware of now! It is yes
truly a great feeling when we get back to US!
it is amazing what happens when we are able to keep ourselves on the path of our own recovery!
What a great share! Dogs are truly amazing I agree! They keep us going with
the unconditional love...glad that you can take part in that and your daughters
pregnancy and all other things that you are more aware of now! It is yes
truly a great feeling when we get back to US!
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Hi least.
I haven't said anything to you directly since you have sobered up and stayed that way. At that point I didn't know if you were going to be alive to read my posts to you. Least I have been busy going back and forth from thinking I can help people to just trying to stay sober myself. Through it all out of the corner of my eye I have noticed you. Staying sober. People come and go here and life outside of SR just keeps moving at it's own frantic pace. So this evening I read this post and I had to take a moment. You have actually brought a tear of joy to this old drunks heart.
Thank you for being a part of my recovery.
I haven't said anything to you directly since you have sobered up and stayed that way. At that point I didn't know if you were going to be alive to read my posts to you. Least I have been busy going back and forth from thinking I can help people to just trying to stay sober myself. Through it all out of the corner of my eye I have noticed you. Staying sober. People come and go here and life outside of SR just keeps moving at it's own frantic pace. So this evening I read this post and I had to take a moment. You have actually brought a tear of joy to this old drunks heart.
Thank you for being a part of my recovery.
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