10 days sober
Just another day...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
10 days sober
I am new here. 10 days sober so far. I am a 36 yr old mom/wife/student. I have been drinking since I was 17. Im a binge drinker. I try to keep my drinking to weekends. I have quit over and over and over. Now its to the point that when i say im quiting, people will take bets as to how long...nice. I guess they dont realize how much of a problem it is for me. My husband says just know when to say no...well isnt that just wonderful. What if you cant say no? Then what? I have been in so many bad situations, made bad choices and half of these things I dont remember, I get told about later. Everyone thinks Im just so funny. Such a great partier. They know if you want to have drinks, get a hold of me, I wont say no. Im TRYING to go through nursing school and let me tell u, this is even more difficult with the drinking issues. My drinking got so bad that I failed my first semester of nursing school. I have been debating whether or not I can handle this, quiting drinking and redoing my class I failed at the same time. My health should be my main goal right now...maybe I should put off school for a bit. But I owe a lot of money for student loans, if I leave school now I cant afford to start paying back on my loans. So one day at a time. Tho now Im even wondering if nursing is for me. Was it one of those rash choices made while drunk? Im so unhealthy. Sick all the time. Always tired and moody. I had pancreatitis about a year and a half ago. I was told then to not drink anymore tho they could not say it came from drinking since I binge and dont drink on a daily basis. They said I dont look like an alcoholic...so what does an alcoholic look like I asked. They said skin and bones. Mentally not together..I thought wow...I know a woman with a PhD that is an alcoholic. I know a hairdresser that is an alcoholic. I know a woman that works for a church that is an alcoholic. None of them are skin and bones and all of them are smart women. Non the less, I stopped for about a month and started back up again. I will not drive drunk. I do have control over that now. I used to drink and drive all the time. I would drink while I drove me and my girlfriends to the bar. If I go to a party and I either have to drive or I have my son with me, I will not drink at all. Im so tired of being THAT drunk girl at parties or the bar. My son is 10 right now and he doesnt see my drinking like I do. But when he gets older and understands drinking more I will be that mom he is embarrassed of. Just like I was of my father...but dad drank/drinks everyday. Anyways...here i am on day 10 and hope for many more days of sobriety. As a friend would always say during nursing classes..her battling alcoholism too..."just keep swimming."
Just another day...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Parentrecovers, you ask what I am doing differently this time...I think its a combo of a bunch of things. I feel like I am so ready for this. The other times I didnt really want to quit, I just thought it would be for the best. Im tired of being drunk. Also, Im afraid I will go to daily drinking. I said binge drinking is my downfall right now, but a few years ago i was drinking almost daily. It was very hard to cut back to the weekends only. Its been, lately, 1 day during the weekend instead of fri and sat. So I guess slowly I have cut back and cut back. I had to with school. But Im worried if I dont stop completely that it will get worse. It is already bad enough that if I drink on saturday, im antsy and itchy and moody and depressed till the following weekend. I dont wanna get outta bed. I think about when Im going to have my next beer...sat. the following weekend at 3pm im going to open up a beer while im doing my hair...yeah..that sounds great...I will feel good again on that day..even tho the whole time im thinking I dont want this. I feel trapped with the drinking. I cant go forward. I cant move on with things I want to do. Once I have that first beer I am consumed, I cant go anywhere without more beer. Its horrible. My husband has made comments that he can see it on me...we have a couple beers at home and drive 20 miles to meet some friends..with no beer..and he says u can see it on my face and im fidgety with my hands, bouncing my leg...and i can feel like i have this crave that is soooo horrible..that im going to lose my mind if I dont get another drink, right away. I will about knock anyone over in front of me over to get into the bar to get my drink. Then I have it and im ok, im calm again. It is such a horrible addiction. I now know that I will NEVER be able to drink like a normal person. I want to feel good. I want to be happy. I want to make the right choices in my life, not all the wrong ones like i was. If Im going to ruin my marriage, Id rather it be over something I can remember. Thankfully, my husband has stuck it out with me. But if I keep up this rate he will not. I have cheated on him a couple times..each time drunk and I barely remember it the next day. And he knows. And I have no excuse for it except I was drunk. I can see on his part that that is a pretty crappy excuse. But I honestly dont know why I did it. I dont doubt my husbands love or faithfulness to me. Maybe I will figure that out later on. But for right now, one day at a time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Fiona, I feel for you & have been where you are - but it took me much longer to see the light. You're still young and can turn this all around. Be proud of yourself for coming to this conclusion. The great thing about SR is, no one will judge you or lecture you - at least that's been my experience. (Tough love once in awhile, yes, but usually only when absolutely necessary.
) SR brought me out of my coma, even though I was still drinking when I first came here. I was so sure I'd never have another good time, would never laugh again - but I was proven wrong. It took awhile, in the beginning you're a fish out of water. I used to feel like I'd just been dropped out of a spaceship onto Planet Earth. I learned to live again though! I promise you there is life without alcohol. Hoping to hear more about you & help you along the road to sobriety. Love, Joanie
) SR brought me out of my coma, even though I was still drinking when I first came here. I was so sure I'd never have another good time, would never laugh again - but I was proven wrong. It took awhile, in the beginning you're a fish out of water. I used to feel like I'd just been dropped out of a spaceship onto Planet Earth. I learned to live again though! I promise you there is life without alcohol. Hoping to hear more about you & help you along the road to sobriety. Love, Joanie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 47
Fiona,
I am a binge drinker like you. There is not stopping between 1 and 20. The social drinker thing simply does not work for me. It is drink until blackout or pass out.
Best of luck to you as we are at similar quitting dates and similar paths.
I am a binge drinker like you. There is not stopping between 1 and 20. The social drinker thing simply does not work for me. It is drink until blackout or pass out.
Best of luck to you as we are at similar quitting dates and similar paths.
Just another day...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Hi Michael10!
How many days sober for u now? 1 or 20..thats me too. Gone are the days of going to meet friends for A drink. They have a couple mixed drinks and are good and go home..not me...that is just a teaser...time to go on to the next bar or find someone to drink with me. It sucks but Id rather have my life, family, health, etc., then be drunk. I had a friend that tried to make up excuses for my blackouts..she said maybe I was diabetic. She went on to say that not enough sugar in my system before drinking or too much can cause blackouts..i think i read that somewhere but that is for the person that has a couple drinks..come on now...I can easily put away a 30 pack of beer on my own. A fifth of jim beam with some diet cherry 7up..all mine. sigh..but alas...i will take that diet cherry 7up virgin style now, thank you!
Good luck to you too! We can do this! I have all the confidence. We may stumble but I think its better to quit and quit and keep quiting rather than just giving up and letting the addiction win.
How many days sober for u now? 1 or 20..thats me too. Gone are the days of going to meet friends for A drink. They have a couple mixed drinks and are good and go home..not me...that is just a teaser...time to go on to the next bar or find someone to drink with me. It sucks but Id rather have my life, family, health, etc., then be drunk. I had a friend that tried to make up excuses for my blackouts..she said maybe I was diabetic. She went on to say that not enough sugar in my system before drinking or too much can cause blackouts..i think i read that somewhere but that is for the person that has a couple drinks..come on now...I can easily put away a 30 pack of beer on my own. A fifth of jim beam with some diet cherry 7up..all mine. sigh..but alas...i will take that diet cherry 7up virgin style now, thank you!
Good luck to you too! We can do this! I have all the confidence. We may stumble but I think its better to quit and quit and keep quiting rather than just giving up and letting the addiction win.
s wtg on deciding enough is enough!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 47
Fiona,
I completely understand what you are saying with regards to our lack of being able to be casual "social" drinkers. It simply does not work.
I will have to look it up but am on Day 11 or 12 I believe so we quit around the same time.
Best of luck to you.
I completely understand what you are saying with regards to our lack of being able to be casual "social" drinkers. It simply does not work.
I will have to look it up but am on Day 11 or 12 I believe so we quit around the same time.
Best of luck to you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to a great place for support and friendship. And congrats on your sober days. You can beat this addiction, just take it one day at a time and don't pick up that first drink. I've been trying to quit for many months and just now have 79 days sober, so you see it took me quite a while.
Keep coming back here and ask questions, read our experiences, and be good to yourself.
:ghug3
Keep coming back here and ask questions, read our experiences, and be good to yourself.
:ghug3
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