orviske

I'm seven months pregnant, so being in my last tri mester I'm supposed to eat like a little bird for lack of room in my belly, and I'm supposed to sleep longer than normal because....well....baby making is hard work.

I am concerned, though. I have no appetite and I just slept for 13 hours without even waking up. I am emotionally exhausted and feel like I want to be alone. All I really want is to be supported and loved, and hugged.

My last post was in regards to my Alcoholic and addicted boyfriend, the father of my child, who disappeared for over 24 hours and finds this completely acceptable. He lost his job, and blames that on me because I called his employer to find out about his where abouts. I called out of concern. His boss said..."he said he was sick, that he got it from you". And, being the good enabler that I am I said i would imagine he was sick, but that I hadn't had contact with him for a few days.

My ABF, his parents, his past co-workers, and his friends think it is my fault that he lost his job. He said himself the only way I could ever repay him would be to find him a new job.

After he disappeared, I went to see my family in New York for a week, which was such a refreshing change. My family is very concerned about my well-being and that of my unborn baby. They want me to come home, but also know that I am an adult and need to make my own decisions.

I opened the classified section of the newspaper while I was there and there are 5 jobs that I am qualified for, and know I would get hired for. To make it even sweeter, I have a friend that has a 3 bedroom trailer that she is renting by herself. She would love for me and my baby to come live with her. My "roommate" has also offered to care for the child...as she works a completely opposite shift from what I would work.

Everything is leaning that way. Everything is positive about me going home, and nothing is negative. Everything seems negative about staying here.

I paid a good majority of our bills for the month yesterday, but in good "it's not my fault fashion" I was reminded of when I was between jobs and had to borrow less than a hundred dollars in spending money. When I came home yesterday from paying bills, he was in the bed....and slept until one p.m. instead of trying to even walk the 10 feet to the computer for internet access and job searching.

I know I am co-dependent, because when I say "I want to leave" I mean it...but there's a tinge of guilt because I want to make it work for me and the baby. He doesn't want to hold up his end of the bargain and told me that "he doesn't have a problem, and he can quit whenever he wants".

Okay, so RED FLAG!!! He doesn't have a problem, so what's going to change if I stay? Yes, he has been wonderful the fast few days---hasn't drank, hasn't used, helped me put together the baby crib, cleaned the house and made a few dinners. I'm used to this behavior though....and with a little time he slips into his old ways of drinking, not helping around the house, not caring for his already born 5 year old son.

I'm going to an Al-Anon meeting on Monday, my first one......the only help I can give him at this point is to help myself.

Should I stay or should I go now????

I know that leaving will be 10 times harder after the baby is born.

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thank you for all of your support


K

Stubborn1

Leaving will be just the same after the baby, you just have a bit more stuff to move. I've been in your shoes. The scared that you feel will keep you stuck there like concrete too. I left my fiance and moved home to my mother and the "what if's" brought me back. I flipped because I didn't want another woman to step in and then he sobered up.
I felt I had to try because my child deserved a father and I was going to do whatever it took to make that happen. I know without a doubt I was EVERYTHING a guy could hope for. He had it made in the shade.
Fast forward.............I'm stuck in a loveless marriage with three beautiful children. My alcoholic husband lives two hours away and doesn't come see the kids but at his convience. I can trust nothing he says or does. There will always be false promises and hopes.
I could kick myself is the arse! Toooooooooooooo many of us stay for the same reasons. I'd be interested on the statistics of the men who actually change. Probably 1 in a few million. It was the 000000000000000.1% that still has me stuck where I am.
If I were you I would move back home and raise your child with love. If HE decides he wants to change and become a man then he will move where YOUR support is.
You do not owe him a thing sweetheart. Not a thing.

Oh and it's been eight years married (if you want to call it that)
You are in my prayers.

eleanor11

What is there to think about? Go girl, go and shine. I think deep down you know what to do about this situation. We only have one shot at this life and I'm sure you will do the right thing FOR YOU.

Good luck!

orviske

Thank you Stubborn for your reply. I know it seems by my writing that this is a no brainer.....just leave already!!! (but you know, from your experience, these things are easier said than done).

If I do leave, I'm planning on jamming as much into my car as I can and send the rest. The thing that's eerie to me is that I have a plan. That means I'm more likely to go through with it....

I have a good education, and I think I'm kind and generous. This man gets most of what he wants---I cook meals, I clean, he even gets more sexual satisfaction than I EVER do----I am paying for a place for him to live.....he has it made in the shade too.

I won't even get into all the times I've given him money, or bailed him out because I'm such an enabler.

When I moved here a year ago, I had a good job in my field, good credit, savings and dreams. Now I have a job that pays 12 bucks an hour, no savings, and bad credit. What makes me think my life will get better?

He has an ex wife (who I know left his booty for the same reasons), and a five year old child. In June, he disappeared while I was caring for his child. I had to lie to his son and tell him daddy was at work.

What makes me think this will change?????? Right now it's good....he's helpful and considerate...but I know that in a few months, that will change all over again. Because considerable time will have passed, I will just accept it....and be right back here in 3 months whining.

I sound like such a whiner. I hate it.

Thank you again....