TimeToGrowUp

Hi Guys

I am brand new here, but grateful for this site and technology allowing us to connect this way. I am only 4 days off the booze. I wasn't a full time booze hound- but I never went more then a few days with at least a few drinks, which gradually grew to a few more the next night and by the weekend it was even more, drinking from afternoon until pass out time- then the next day the hangover was so bad I had to drink again to feel okay. In the last few years when I have done this binge drinking I have had withdrawal so bad that I thought the anxiety alone would kill me. This never happened when I was in my 20's- but now it's literally hell and I have had enough (which of course I have said 100 times) but now I know I need support or I will be healthy for a week, start off slowely again- just a few drinks, then each night more and more until another anxiety withdrawal and I can't function- it's really hell on earth. I am going to hit up meetings (longest I was sober was 5 months and was going to aa meetings- but then had an ugly breakup and blew it) that was 7 yrs ago. I am too old for this ****- and I clearly have an issue and have been in SUCH denial. Each night when I drove home from work before working from home- even if I went to the gym, first I would stop and slam a 10% beer on an empty stomuch (I am 115 lbs) and toss it out of the car (not very green, I know), then get home and say, "Hey honey, lets' go to dinner (more like let's drink and pretend I want to eat)"- so over it. I am in my mid- 30's now and acting like an idiot and have been so weak and full of it. I know my life can be so much richer. I have a fabulous job with a great company- do very well- have always worked out even through this all, so I don't look like a major boozer so have been able to "play it off" (botox helps too- ha ha). Okay- thanks for letting me vent :chatter- this is my first post.

Best to all.

adore79

Welcome, nice to have you

tennis71

Welcome to SR.

It sounds like you have a good idea of what you need to do to stay sober. Very similar to me in the fact that when I stop going to AA after being sober for a few months I start of drinking again.

Welcome again and I look forward to reading more.

bruce24

Hello and welcome to SR!

Keep posting and sharing, you will find alot of great people and support from these forums.

Best wishes,
Bruce

enillehc

When you're going through Hell, keep going. I am 12 days sober and can relate to your story. I thought I was a very functional drunk, until I wasn't. Alcohol was so limiting for me and kept me from experiencing joy. Why hold onto something that does that? Much luck to you on your journey.

back2theliving

Welcome

TimeToGrowUp

Thanks for your note- the scary thing is I am ALREADY feeling so much better- and that's when I think okay I can have a glass of wine at dinner- and then the next night it's 2 glasses and each night it grows. It's tricky when your friends all love to have dinner parties and open "fabulous, vintage" bottles of wine from their trip to Italy- so it seems so part of a good life at the time- but they don't know that the next day I need to sneak off to the liquor store and have 2 tall boys of cheap beer to feel normal after a night of 7 glasses of wine- OY. It's all such a head trip...as far as mixing the social with this problem.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us.

Yes, the mind is definitely a big part of addiction. I know for me, making changes in my life were a big part of recovery. I had to change things I did and stop seeing certain people. I couldn't be around alcohol at all, for quite awhile.

nogard

Welcome to SR

Rusty Zipper

timeto, nice seeing your start to a new richer life...

CarolD

Hmm...
for me to successfully stay quit...
I had to want to stop more than I wanted to drink

I hope you will find that true for yourself soon.

Keep in touch...you too can win over alcoholism.

TimeToGrowUp

I do want to stop. It's just feels like a whole new life so it's so strange. Even with just 5 days sober. All these memories keep flashing in my mind- I seem more emotional than ever, but I feel good- and so so grateful. Last night I had a dream that I was invited to this party and I worried that if I said yes I would want to drink but (this is all in my dream) then I thought I over and thought, "Hell NO. I do not want to drink and can go to the party (dinner) and be okay" I am glad that's how it worked out in my dream. Last night (not in my dream- real life) was my sisters b'day dinner- my whole family met at a great italian restaurant known for their great wines and I was okay- just had tea, coffee and water all night. I had a great time execpt my mom was annoying( she had too much wine) but that's fine. I think I can do this- but I know ONE F'in DAY AT A TIME- I can't imagine thinking "never again" or I'll be in trouble. THANK YOU ALL :ghug

least

Welcome to a loving supportive site! You've come to the right place for shared experience, strength, and hope. Come here and post if you're tempted to drink. We'll try to talk you out of it.

Welcome!!:ghug3