Aysha

Beth..I really hope you go see a Dr about the depression.

You dont have to sink all the way back down.

And yes. Be gentle on yourself. Your still a long way from the Beth I met last year.

sassygirl

I've been visiting you all for awhile....which has finally given me the courage to start recovery all over again. Embarrased to go to a meeting..feel like a faliure. I've got 3 days now. I think detox is almost over! I am determined to get this right or I know it will get the best of me.

Impurrfect

((Beth)) - having almost a year drug free IS a major accomplishment...don't downplay it. Yes, you've been drinking, but you're realizing it's a problem, because you're here posting about it.

Go to your doctor, and tell him what's going on. Get to a meeting, and stick close to SR. You know what to do. You ARE worth way more than you're giving yourself credit for.

Yes, there are some things from the past we can't get rid of. I have a criminal record, now, and it will be there forever. I've totally screwed up my credit, and it will be YEARS before it isn't awful. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get my nursing license back, and if I do, it will be really hard to get a job because I burned a lot of bridges.

But I get up every day, do the job I have (waiting tables), and pay what bills I can. I stay clean, and I don't have to worry about something bad happening 3 years from now, because of my actions today.

((Sassygirl))

Welcome to SR! You are NOT a failure because you're still trying. Most of us didn't get it right the 1st time, either (or the 2nd, 3rd, etc.) I hope you get to a meeting and stick around here because there are some terrific folks here.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Change4life

I cant get my thoughts together enough to respond, but im listening

than

Dee74

hugs (((Beth)))

D

Aysha

Thinking of you Beth...Big Hugs sista!!

Change4life

I dont know if I can stop this time. I really think I need to go backt to rehab. I feel beaten and I just want somewhere that I can rest and be safe from myself. I dont sleep very well, but I stay in bed as long as I can cause for me to deal I feel like I need to drink. I lay in bed and if I know I have to go out than I feel like I have to drink. Im having a hard time breaking that cycle this time.

I dont think I lke drinking as much as I use to.

Dee74

please do something Beth - whether its rehab, or just a meeting - whatever.
You need to stop this - now - before it gets worse.

Just don't talk about doing something, ok?


D

IO Storm

I can stop, but I can never stay stopped.

Hi hun...

The big lie..I used to sit in meetings, and listen to the "winners" share.

I would tell myself the exact same thing..I can never do this..

"I can never be like these people!"

But I have over two years now..drink and drug free. Have to tell you though,

the first year..I know I couldn't handle being around booze. And probably?

The rest of my life..uppers are a trap for me as I suffer from depression.

So..Change..probably means change. Rehab sounds good, sweetie.

Sounds like you need a break from your environment, and a separation

(complete) from alcohol and negative influences.

Get your health back..then other things will fall into place.

This was my own experience, anyhow.

Hugs, and good luck..

I so wish you the best.

Sherry

LosingmyMisery

There is a solution to everything. It may not seem like it at times, especially while drinking. Drinking traps us in our negative thoughts and renders us hopeless and helpless. Clear your mind and work on the solution. I can relate to your financial woes. The wreckage of my past has left me in huge debt. It takes time, but I feel the only way I will ever get through it is to remain sober. Once I pick up again, I am defeated. Hang in there, Beth. you can do this and you can rid yourself of your past.

Impurrfect

(((Beth)))

sending you big hugs and prayers!

Amy

Change4life

Im starting to regroup. When I wasnt drinking all the problems I have now were there. It wasnt till I started drinking again that things seemed impossible.

First thing, I took on way more changes in too short a period of time which sent my brain into overload.... mistake # 1

Joining a band is a great thing for me, but not if most are drinking.

I get frustrated at rehearsal, people come late havent practiced and want to take a break too drink after every song. I should be leaving when that happens instead of joining in..... Mistake #2

I shouldnt be in a band with people that use....Mistake # 3,4,5,6......

I have to keep working on a more positve me so I stop getting hung up in all this ****

Aysha

I am so happy to see you relizing these things.
I hope you do something about it.
You so desreve this good life Beth..HUG

Dee74

hey beth

I'm glad you're regrouping.

Sorry the music thing isn't working out - sounds like these guys are there as much for the party as the music. There are ppl out there who love the music, have a great time, yet don't par-tay - I've found some Here's hoping you find some too.

Think about things sure - but do something too, 'k?.

I think that 'positive me' needs some action behind her to come out -
just what that action is - anti-depressants, therapy, meetings, whatever - I dunno...that's up to you.

D

Change4life

I thinK I should quit the band because I dont think its the safest environment for me. The bass player who knows Ive had some struggles and agrees we should probably both move on, but I cant quit. I feel like Im giving up and letting drugs control me again not by doing them, but by having to once again give something up I love because of their presence
Its not fair that I should have to quit.

I spoke to the singer abouth this and she told me "dont worry I got your back if anyone tries to give you something when we play out, but then she turns around and gets bombed at rehearsal. so Im like WHAT?

Dee74

ok - my take on this is - staying in the band, knowing you'll join in shenanigans more often than not, *is* letting drugs control you.

Leaving the band - which sounds like a bunch of dysfunctional types with their own personal demons to deal with, and who are incapable of dealing with yours - isn't a loss...it's a sensible decision to leave a toxic environment. It's you taking control and responsibility for yr well being.

If you think you can hang tough and not party- ever- stay.
But I don't think you think you can.

To me - this isn't a loss B - it's an opportunity to make the right decision.
It's a chance for growth IMO.

D

Change4life

D I need to give this a lot of thought
I hear you loud and clear and probably agree more than Ii would like to.

I live in a small town and sticking with this makes me like a miniture celeb. For someone that finds themself alone most of the time its an exiting situation. I need to make a po and con list. I think deep down I know there are more cons, but..........