kitteninaboot

Boyfriend just looked at the clock and said "Wow, I thought I would have to go to the liquor store an hour ago."

He is still drinking beer, but there is no hard booze (which I drink - can't stand beer).

Plus side;
I told him yesterday that I quit
He usually starts on tequila by 7pm and passes out by 9. Didn't do that tonight.

Minuses;

Don't know if is taking it easy because I told him I was quitting or because there is no tequila in the house.

The comments that he makes that tell me he expects me to fail.

Isaiah

You may want to bring this up with him.

kitteninaboot

Isaiah,

Yes I did speak to him about it. I got the same old hemming and hawing. I think he is happier if I am drunk as well.
Thanks for caring :-). I needed that.

RightAngled

Difficult - sometimes partners dont realise the extent or true nature of the problem - especially if they are used to you drinking. By you sayinng you wish to quit - he may lose a drinking partner and may redefine your relationship. Be strong - you are doing this for you - dont lose sight. Several years ago I managed to quit booze for a year - my partner at the time drank, although not to excess, but a LOT of my friends drank heavily and they could not understand that. Given time the accepted it and I never told anyonr they could not drink round me. Just takes a bit of perserverance and resolve!

Itsmytime

I can totally relate. I quit before for 5 years and DH was still drinking, it never bothered me as he doesn't have a problem, but partying with friends was always part of our lives. Started again a couple of years ago and starting to feel bad about drinking so quit 11 days ago.

I am not sure at this point what is going to happen, if I will quit forever or not, but I am trying my best. I want that peace I had when I quit before. The longer you go without the more he will accept it, I think they think we expect them to quit. I told my DH that he didn't have to quit, but he had to let me quit.

bostonluv

Sounds like he has his own problem possibly. Our loved ones aren't always going to understand or be able to help. It can't be an excuse to use though. That's why you have us!

mle-sober

Quitting drinking changed the entire dynamic on my marriage. It's confusing to me and really sad. My husband isn't an alcoholic although he does sometimes overuse it when he's feeling stressed. But for some reason, me getting sober has shifted all kinds of things for us and I don't think we're going to be able to save the marriage.

So, I guess, my advice is stay vigilant and stay on course with your recovery and try to be prepared for the idea that your recovery may require big changes of your relationship. Try to keep your recovery path separate from your relationship path. Does that make sense?

Hang in there and good luck.

bostonluv

Actually I really needed to hear this today MLE-Sober. It's interesting to me that sometimes when people to reply to a specific person they hit an unintended target. That's why this place is so powerful. I'm sorry about your marriage (truly) but your advice was dead on and something I needed to hear today. Thank you.

kitteninaboot

MLE-Sober -

Yes, it makes perfect sense. Now let's see if I can actually do it! I am very sorry to hear about your marriage. Maybe you just need some time to shift that dynamic a little :-).

Had a heart to heart last night. Don't think he realized I was serious. He says he thinks it is a good idea. I guess time will tell :-).

Anna

Hi Kitten,

I think if you just focus on yourself and your sobriety, things will work out the way they should. Early sobriety is time of change, sometimes a lot of change, so just stay focused on your recovery.

SoberforME

Kitten,

My partner wants nothing more in the world to see me successful, but after my first meeting said something about "now there's a drink you should never try" and I said " I hope not to drink again" and she said "EVER?!". So we talked for an hour about how I felt about drinking. Out of control, like I couldn't get enough, to the point I'd want her to go to bed early so I could drink all I wanted without anyone judging me.

Maybe he needs that sort of wake up call to understand. Maybe not, but it'll at least make it clearer in your own head.