Coolmummy

I hope things go okay and the results get through quickly. My youngest daughter was born with a minor disabilty - a huge shock to us and one that was entirely unexpected. I just 'got through' the first year of tests, hospitals, and guilt by drinking myself stupid, having a total breakdown, isolating my family and being a complete jerk!

Now that I've made that decision not to drink, I can focus on her and the rest of the family and realise that is what I should have done all along. Don't mean to hijack your thread - sorry! I guess I'm saying what you know - don't drink!! It won't help!!

sas

Toomutch

Coolmummy,
Thank you for sharing that with me. I had a similar experience just 2 years ago when my daughter was in the hospital with anorexia for 3 months. While she was in intensive care I stayed with her most nights and would always have something that I could put in my coffee like bailey's. I kept it hidden under my cloths in the drawer. On the nights that my her dad would stay overnight, I would come home exhausted and get sh!t faced, it was the only thing I knew to do to escape. My daughter was dying. When she was out of intensive care and put into in-patient I would go to all of her family meetings sober. But afterwords I would drink as much as I could telling myself that I wouldn't call her drunk, but I always managed to call her after I had tied one on and talk to her. I feel so guilty about that now. I just had no other way to cope.

I really don't think I will drink. But if things get much worse for Cam, I'm just not so sure I wont.

KarenOskie

I'm so sorry you're going through this, on top of all the other stuff you've got going on, too.
I wanted to share with you something. When I was about 30, I woke up one morning with pain through my whole body. It felt like it was in my bones, or joints or both. Mostly my arms and legs. I could barely walk, or even move around much it hurt so much. I went to the Dr. but they never did find out what was wrong. It just went away one day. I've never had a problem with it since. I am still curious as heck what it was, it lasted a few weeks, just long enough for me to lose my job over it.
Anyway, I am keeping you and your son in my prayers. Mostly, I hope you don't drink. One moment at a time. Right now, I swear by chocolate milk and olives. You would think I'm pregnant! Reading recovery stuff and going to AA are helping a lot, too.
Big hugs to you!

Alive

Hi Suzette, all i want to say is i'm thinking of you

hugs

Horselover

:praying for you and your son and won't stop until we get an update that everything is okay. I think this is what they mean when they say parenting is the toughest job! Bless you Suzette. :ghug3

Toomutch

Yes parenting is a very hard job Horsie.

Cam's chest x-ray looked fine, what a relief. He is home again today as he can hardly walk, I just keep thinking WTF!

Why is my son going through this?
Why did my daughter go through what she did? Why did we have to fail with our adopted daughter, why was my oldest child suicidal? All within the last 4 years.

It feels as if the lord is punishing me. But why does he have to use my children. I just dont understand sometimes what this life is all about.

dancinggirl

Oh sweetie...I have chills....what you've gone through and are still going through. I'm thinking of you all today.

Horselover

(((TOOMUCH))) Your name on here is very appropriate. I agree it is too much. I am so sorry you are having all this to bear. If you need a shoulder to lean on please feel free. I have big shoulders. I will be checking in here periodically today to see how you're holding up. I have to run out and pull some weeds that are threatening to eat our house up, but I'll be back. I am relieved Cam's xrays came back clear, but I understand the frustration not knowing what's causing all this. I pray you'll find answers soon. I asked that question about God recently and someone wisely told me he isn't causing the grief, but he's there to hold you during it. I question why things happen the way they do, but we won't know until we die and then maybe . . . I sure hope your day brightens and you can find some happiness today. I know its hard. Lots of love and hugs coming to you from me!

Jomey

Hey Suzette- The Lord is not punishing you, honey, please believe that. And He would NEVER use children to "get back at" their parents. That's not the God you and I know. I am not trying to make light of your feelings, which are understandable, just trying to reassure you that God loves you and He is there for you, even when it is hard to understand why things are happening and you don't feel His Presence.

A friend of mine (who happens to be a priest) gave me a little cross-stitch that says "Sometimes God calms the storm, sometimes, He lets the storm rage and calms His Child." The storm is raging around you, Suze, if there is anyway you can open your mind to it, try to let His Calm come to you thru the storm. I don't know if I could do that if one of my boys was in Cam's place, but I'll pray for you that you can find some peace in your heart today.

Please take good care of yourself. Hurting right along with you, mama, like I'm sure every other mother who reads your post will.

Love Jomey

Toomutch

Cam is still sleeping. He went to bed at 8:30pm and is still asleep. Usually he cant sleep past 7am.

God please let Cameron feel better, this is so hard on him.

I feel like ripping all my hair out!!!!!!

bostonluv

I'm late to this thread and I don't know what to say except, I'm sorry you're going through this. All I can really do is hope for the best and that you don't pull all that pretty hair out.

Stay in touch with us as you have been. I will be thinking of you today.

Love,
Kathleen

Snickers008

Dear Toomutch: I really identify with you. Seems like one huge crisis after another! I wish I had an answer for you and me both!

We have had so many bad things happen to us. I am so envious of my relatives who are so successful and happy. I feel they look at my family with a combination of pity and relief that it's not their family all this is happening to. I feel somehow they think I or we must be doing something to "cause" all these disasters. Of course that isn't true but I am at the point now that I just don't relate any new happenings anymore. What's the point.

Maybe that's it! Our role in the world is to make our relatives feel better about themselves.

At least you take a good photo to post with your name. I had to post my dog.

Astro

Having a bald Mom is not going to make things easier on Cam!

j/k Suzette ;-)

Still praying for you, and I continue to admire your strength!

Toomutch

Okay - I will not pull all my hair out because that would be scary

Maybe I could run around the block screaming, or yell out the window WTF.

Or maybe get on my eliptical trainer and sweat! :

At least you guys made me laugh.

bostonluv

What's the movie where everyone yells, I'm mad as HELL and I'm NOT going to TAKE it ANYMORE!! Network. I'll join you actually! Sounds theraputic to me!!

Toomutch

You know what Boston? That just might work. We will need to coordinate are yelling times.

Jomey

I'm in....it's just about 4pm eastern daylight time here - glad you are able to laugh, Suze. How's it going for you now? J

Toomutch

Thanks for asking Jomey. I'm not in much of a laughing mood but it was nice for awhile.

What I am about to say is going to backfire on me Im afraid.

I have to take a lot of meds including narcotics and others for anxiety that can be habbit forming. I have never abused these drugs, but I have been thinking about it the last couple of days.

I have always used them as directed, so where does this idea come from out of the blue. I must be out of my head for even thinking about that.

Any suggesgtions, or do you think I should start a whole new thread?

Astro

As long as you're using them as they're prescribed.......no habit, no problem. That's my $.02 worth.

And please don't abuse them Call someone or post here if you're seriously considering it.

I watched a co-worker blow 11 years of sobriety by abusing anti-depressants. Took a months worth in 3 days.

Impurrfect

((TM))

The feelings are coming on you because you want to numb yourself...that's what we do.

Just because you've never abused them in the past, doesn't mean that you can't get addicted to them, in fact it's a pretty high risk.

Remember, it's only a feeling...you don't have to act on it. Besides, you would feel really, really guilty later that you took something to numb yourself about Cam hurting.

Keep posting here, and call someone if you can.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy