pattyspaw

today is a new day one, I am going to make it to a meeting this afternoon and try harder to fight the shame and fear that are holding me back; I really need help and I know that fear of speaking up at a meeting and saying I'm an alcoholic with 1 day (more or less) is what is holding me back; I keep asking myself why is this so hard for me; part of it is my inability to surrender to my higher power; I really do want what I see other people have when I go to meetings and read posts

bostonluv

Asking for help is a great tool for acceptance of you disease. It's a disease. I really believe that. Learn all you can about it and how to control and don't pick up that first drink. For now, I'll be cheering you on to raise your hand at your meeting. Tell us how it goes?

With Love,
Kathleen

parentrecovers

hugs and support to you, pattyspaw. keep goin' to those meetings! k

Toomutch

Patty,

The truth can be so freeing, especially if said out loud to others. That way you will be giving up the burden of holding it all in. IMO you will feel much better.

Jersey Nonny

First of all, it's wonderful that you've decided to seek recovery; and, AA meetings have worked for millions of people, myself included.

Secondly, depending on the type of meeting, you don't necessarily have to say anything at all. If it's a discussion meeting, where people raise their hands to be called on by the person chairing, or they go around the table to share, you aren't even required to identify yourself as an alcoholic...until you are comfortable doing so. A simple, "My name is__________, and I don't want to drink today" would be acceptable. As you continue to go to more and more meetings, you will feel more accepting of your alcoholism and be less fearful of speaking the word, "alcoholic."

You may feel a bit more at ease saying something like, "My name is ____________, and this is my second day without a drink." When I was newly sober, it was strongly suggested that I take the cotton out of my ears, and stick it in my mouth. Some long-time AA's were more gentle with, "Sit back, relax, and listen."

I get the impression that you may have some familiarity with AA meetings, so just keep in mind you will be among people just like yourself who want only the best for you. It's no different from this forum, except that it's face to face. Take your courage in both hands, and go for it!!!

CarolD

Many of us had false starts before we found sobriety.
Good to know you are planning to move forward!

least

Don't let shame and fear keep you from recovery. Everyone at meetings had their own 'first day' and felt awkward and uncomfortable. Share as much as you're willing to share, and take hope from the stories of others' successes. You CAN do this!

:ghug3

pattyspaw

I didn't make it to the meeting, a family emergency came up; I'm not drinking tonight so it is a good day; I hope to be able to make a meeting in the morning; thanks for all the support

kitteninaboot

Pattyspaw -

We are only off by hours. I am hopeful, but also scared of failing. I think I have forgotten how to live sober.

I am proud of you, and I hope we can hang in there together. 1 1/2 days sober - I look forward to us celebrating our 1 week and beyond!

Dean62

If I'm sitting in the meeting when you say you are back on one day again I'm not thinking "Wow I can't believe she/he drank again and actually had the nerve to show up here again". I'm thinking how great it is that you are back. I have been there and I know the feeling of fear and shame. You know fear and shame didn't get me sober, going back to meetings and being honest no matter how many false starts did. It's ok most of us have been where you are right now. You are actually "normal" amongst us.

Welcome. :ghug

Horselover

Patty - Don't give up and as someone wise here told me, "You can't control what others are thinking or saying." I will tell you when I attended AA back in my 20s I had lots of fear and shame. I really believe you would be in the minority if you didn't feel this way being new and attending. I think everyone is scared in the beginning. If its to debilitating, can you go to an open meeting and bring someone your comfortable with? Hope your family emergency was resolved and everything is okay. Will be thinking of you and waiting to hear about the meeting when you get back. I also think shame and fear are part of our disease and so, fight back. Don't let it control you if possible. Enough said by me.

suz10

P....I wish you the best. I also appreciate your honesty. Thats what makes this forum really work. It's one place we can come and throw up and know we will get the support we need to carry on for one more day!!

suz10

Kitten,
Welcome to SR. I have only been here a couple of weeks and it is truly a Godsend!! Come check out our "Class of September" forum under newcomers. You will meet some great folks that share your sobriety month!!

pattyspaw

I didn't make the meeting this morning, but found out what was wrong with my alarm clock; it feels good not to be in a fog this morning and that is what I hope to carry me through today; I am grateful for SR and all the support;

pattyspaw

why do I let the stinking thinking get to me; I drank last night and don't like myself for it this morning; I know I can't drink tonight or saturday as I have places I have to be that won't allow it, so I'm safe tonight, but what about tomorrow? I guess I will try harder when tomorrow becomes today