Aysha

Me and my grams are just bumpin heads anymore. She just cant get a grip on the fact that I can do things for myself. I think.
And its just dumb little stuff. Like when I had to get rides to work. I had all my rides worked out. But she took it upon herself to do it for me. Which in turn would screw up the plans I already had. Then we were all screwed up. Then she gets upset saying she just wont do anything for anyone anymore.
Gave her money for car insurance. She took it to the track a few weeks ago. Now the check bounced and I have to pay it yet again plus $20. She has got me so screwed up on so many things it isnt even funny.
Her brother just sent her $500. Instead of putting in her account so she doesnt have to keep overdrawing it. She spent it all. Now she is overdrawn again. WTF!! Anytime I say anything to her. It becomes a hit at me and my past. Well now I know what she put up with for so long.
WTF difference does it make. That was then..this is now. And she never wants to talk about what she is doing. Its all about me. And what I have done.
She wont leave my laundry alone. She gets mad when I tell her I can do it myself. She thinks she has to cook for me. She doent. And when she does. She makes **** I dont want to eat because I am TRYING to eat better. She knows this. So she'll make some greasy a$$ something anyway.
Just everything is a friggin arguement anymore.
She has said a couple times here that she thinks I should move out. Blah blah blah..I dont know if she is serious or what.
I know I am not the easiest person to live with either.
But its like she cant handle me doing things for myself. I dont need to tell her every little thing I do.
One person that sends me into a rage is her. I get raging mad. But I hold it in. I am not about to let it out on her. I am ashamed I even feel like that. Even when I have dreams about her pissing me off I am in a blind red rage and literally want to kill her in my dreams.
What is that all about?
I know she wont be able to keep a place by herself. And neither could I right now.
But I think I need to get away from her in such close living quarters soon.

I could go to Charlotte, NC and stay with her brother for awhile until I got my own place. But I would miss my family. The baby cousins. And her. I cant be too far from her. What if something happens to her and I am so far away?
I could also go stay with my friend back in Florida. Tat isnt really a good idea. I dont think I am ready to test those waters yet.

I dont know. If this keeps on. We are going to hate each other.

Why when I didnt give a ****. She never had anything to say? When I am doing good and doing what I am suppose to. Everything is a freakin struggle with her?
I dont get it.
I just want her to mind her business and stop trying to run my life.
Stop thinking I cant do things for myself and STOP!!!!!!! friggin messin with my ****!!!

I feel so bad I feel like this.. But where do you draw the line?!

Bamboozle

I don't know your current situation (mentally or financially speaking), but if you decide to move out you don't have to move far away. Is there someone you can room with close by so you can have her in your life everyday, but also have the space that you need?

I'm almost 30 and I'm living at home with my parents until I get my crap together. I was living on my own for the last several years until I realized if I didn't leave the town I was in soon, I would be leaving eventually--but in a body bag. I didn't want that to happen so the only place I had to go was home.

Anyways, long story short, I love my family BUT I am an adult (at least I try to be) and I do need my space. I get annoyed with them...they get annoyed with me. Sometimes things do get testy. I would love to move out as soon as I can, but I have to be financially and mentally stable enough before I do that. In the mean time, I put up with them as best I can (and they put up with me, thankfully...otherwise I would have nowhere to go).

Sorry I really don't have any advice. I hope you feel better soon. :ghug3

IO Storm

Dear Chiy...

I was just packing it up when I saw this. Oh, I can relate. I have been so

"involved" with my mother's stuff that I lost myself somewhere along

the way too. Forcing her to try and not to eat a half gallon of ice cream

(diabetic)..forcing her to take her medicine because she thinks

taking (all) of it will poison her..and stop her from cancelling her physical

therapy sessions that help her stay mobile....

sheesh. You know..I was going to stop smoking. My psychiatrist and my

sponsor last month said..No! Because of the mental state. My gray

roots are showing..and I never ever let that happen! *Lol*

My bills were left undone..I was focusing on her and missing meetings.

Stuck, unhappy..frozen! But I have been asking for help. From friends

here, and I called my sponsor...talked with my doctor on Friday.

She told me to (immediately) take action on my (own) business and my

life. We set down short term and long term goals for myself. It was

scary..but I am determined.

As much as you can Chiy..detach from your Gram's dysfunctional behavior.

She needs to own that. If I haven't told you yet, I for one, have noticed

your phenomenal growth...and I am so darned proud of you girl.

So..don't despair..I'm sure others will give you great advice as they do.

But I love ya. :ghug3:

Don't give up!

IO Storm

I know what you mean..I know.

Horselover

(((Chiy))) Wish I lived closer. I know what its like to be glued to a gram. I grew up sharing a bed with my gram, not just a bedroom and we were very close. She was my second mother. I think, as you wisely said, its close living quarters and maybe if you could just get a break now and then. Is there someone you could go visit for a bit now and again? Sounds like you and your gram have been through the thick of it. Everyone needs a break sometimes. So sorry you're going through this Chiiy.

WLDKATZ

Chyi hold strong honey.....now here is a tricky one....dememntia??? gambling at the track???? those are HUGE red flags to me.......I would be telling your uncle hey she shouldn't have the money she doesn't manage it right!!! Be careful honey!!!! Your in my prayers!!!


Love and HUgs,
Pamm

least

The only thing I can do is understand how hard it must be for you right now. Whatever you do, don't compromise your clean self. I'm sorry you are having such difficulty and feel so pulled in different directions. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

:ghug3

dancinggirl

What a hard situation for you! Is there any way that you and your grandma could go into some kind of counselling together? or would that only inflame matters?

When my grandma got older, she seemed to lose the ability to keep those "inside thoughts" to herself and they just started coming out. She told me after I had my baby that I'd gotten fat (literally, one week after he came out! lol)...she would critique things she wouldn't have normally even ten years before...she just couldn't seem to keep it in.

It sounds like you and your grandma love each other very dearly. I'm sure she's so happy to have you there, even if she isn't communicating that well right now.

Impurrfect

(((Trish)))

I know how much you love Grams and how hard this must be for you. Maybe she just hasn't accepted the "new" you yet, and maybe she never will.

It has taken me a LONG time to learn how to detach from issues my dad, stepmom and niece have, while living in the same house. I still slip every now and then, but I'm getting better.

Are you still worried about having money on you? I understand, but it's got to be hard watching her spend money you gave her for your bills. I got a checking account, and put everything into the bank. I rarely have cash on me. Yes, I could get it out of the bank at any time, but it would require me to think about it before getting it.

Sending you big hugs and prayers!

Amy

Anna

Hi Trish,

It sounds to me like your Grandma is somewhat threatened your sobriety and independence. I guess she wants to keep you close. It does sound to me like moving out on your own might be the best option right now, or living with another family member. The last thing you want to do is cause damage in your relationship with your Grandma and to risk your sobriety.

Aysha

Well The plan of having my check deposited into her account never went through. I filled the paperwork out the first day on the job but they said it takes 2 pay cycles to dot hat. Well here it is 2 and a half months later and it never did deposit. So I have had my checks the whole time. And thank goodness. I was a wreck thinking about it. She pays her bills. But she will spend money like crazy everytime. I cant be doing that. Not now. She thinks cause she has monmey it should be spent. I dont know why she cant save any.
Its not lie she spends it on herself. She will give it away or buy everyone soemthing. With that 500 bucks she had. she went and bought my aunt a $125 pots and pans for her birthday. My aunt is not hurting for money. The woman makes $20 an hour.
She doesnt just do this with me. She does this with everyoe. She thinks noone can do anything without her stepping in. She thinks these kids dont have anything. Buys them this and that and food. All these kids parents have good jobs and it not like they dont eat. Thats all these kids do is eat. And they are spoiled. They have more stuff than 6 kids together.
I dont know. Maybe she is getting older and feeling like noone needs her. I need her. Just not that much.
I dont need my mommy holding my hand anymore. I am 33 yrs old. I already feel stupid for never moving out. But I was an addict all my life. I did need her. But she is also my biggest enabler.
I juts need to keep her out of my bills and business for now.
She is use to having money. But its been over 5 yrs since we have lived like that.
My gramps had a great government job. We never had to want for anyhting. And she is way too use to that. We dont have **** now cause she spent it all. Or gave it all away.
I am far from anyone to talk. I helped dig the hole too with my addiction. But that was then and this now.
She needs to stop acting like there is this endless supply of money somewhere. And if there is. I wish I knew where the hell it was.

Aysha

I want to add too. That maybe it is more me than her. I may have these independence issues myself.

laurie6781

You may. However, you are staying clean and sober and getting your act together and want to feel like the adult you are. That is understandable.

I would suggest that you just start 'watching' the ROOMMATE WANTED ads. Don't have to take action just yet, but that will give you an idea if there is anything close to your gramma but would still give you some independence and be within your budget.

Just a thought.

Keep venting here, you know it helps.

Love and hugs,